Category Archives: Westport life

[OPINION] TEAM Westport: “A Force For Ideological Divisiveness, Bullying”

Posted on January 9, 2026 | 72 comments

TEAM Westport is a town committee. Its mission is to “make the Town of Westport increasingly welcoming with respect to race, ethnicity, religion and LGBTQIA+.” The acronym stands for “Together Effectively Achieving Multiculturalism.” 

Last month, Philip Gallo resigned from TEAM Westport. He writes:

We moved here in 2023. We didn’t think being a gay couple, my husband Latino and Native American, would be relevant. It hasn’t been.

Neighbors introduced us to the town’s Republican Party. A life-long Democrat, I strayed from the party’s far-left direction — open borders, anti-police, taxes, identity politics — so we shifted parties.

I heard TEAM Westport was a committee to make the town more welcoming, regardless of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and they needed non-Dems, given Connecticut rules.

While “multiculturalism” was in the acronym, and I never thought all cultures are equal, enjoying Western culture (that gave me and my husband the right to marry with a family), I would give it a go.

I came out in the 1980s, the first openly gay attorney at Cleary Gottlieb, an early out employee at Goldman Sachs, benefactor of the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN).

Heck, I rang the NYSE closing bell for Pride month. I thought TEAM would welcome me. I mistakenly believed they’d want people with different viewpoints, welcome discussion about bias, and be even-handed in addressing controversial topics.

No, TEAM expected ideological conformity, a focus on racial essentialism, grievance, and left-wing ideology, cloaked in liberal elitism.

I invited the chair to my home, he couldn’t make it, I never got a reciprocal invite.

I got lectured by affluent white female liberals (AWFLs) about privilege. I witnessed town leaders come to TEAM. Why?  It seemed like a Star Chamber, everyone said they were against discrimination, though there seemed little of it.

When the teen book essay contest was discussed, I read many winning contributions. Someone who wasn’t white wrote about how hard it was to be “different,” or was white and how much privilege they had.

TEAM Westport 2025 teen essay winners, with town, school, TEAM and Westport Library officials. (Photo/Dan Woog)

Coming from a blue-collar background, where my father didn’t finish high school and I worked my butt off during college and law school, I saw everyone in Westport as having privilege.

The chair attended an Ivy League school and an elite boarding school. The winners went off to elite colleges.

I said the essay prompt elicited these responses, why did the judges rate them, it seemed hypocritical. We should engender discussion, but also gratitude. How would Bridgeport kids view it?

I asked to be on the essay sub-committee, but was given the cold shoulder.  Obviously, giving space for grievance would make the town a better place.

The book club was similar.  I suggested reading conservative authors, some black and gay! Books were about the racial wealth gap, focusing on discrimination rather than other causes and failing to compare successful minorities with whites, I mentioned this to angry stares.

We celebrated the Indigenous producer of a “documentary” about Canadian schools, which looked like a hit job on the Catholic church, everyone loved it.

TEAM was asked to support the ADL’s “No Place for Hate” program in schools. I researched it. This wasn’t just about eliminating hate, fine, it was about enforcing ideological conformity.

Groups right of center were “hate groups,” Turning Point USA was “extremist,” it took the Kirk assassination to scrub the list.

Like many gay people, I question gender ideology suggesting you can’t tell boys from girls at birth, supporting gender treatments for minors. The ADL materials indicate these questions were signs of bias and bullying, other materials include the pyramid of privilege, focusing on the oppressed.

We’ve seen the outpouring of this conformist, academic thinking on college campuses post-10/7.

Ironically, I got bullied when I raised my objections, with sneers and snide remarks. I found repugnant the chair sending a letter on behalf of TEAM to the state describing the insidious effects of discrimination here, that he had to send his kids to Exeter and Choate, without noting the elitism, which was rich!

Again, I got lectured by rich white ladies saying TEAM was better before the committee included people like me.

Last month I questioned DEI.  I think diversity can be cool, but “equity” got added, everyone was afraid to say it meant reverse and specifically anti-white discrimination, and with inclusion, traditional views weren’t welcome.

Time for a reboot, it’s a broken-down brand, half the country hates it, constitutionally suspect, overly focused on race, divisive, how about MERIT (merit, excellence, respect, innovation, teamwork)?

One regular attendee exclaimed “F… you!” twice, I stood up facing the new selectman to ask the guy be removed, the chair said nothing to him. My views, unwelcome, I guess foul language was.

The committee mandate was to make the town more welcoming regardless of race, ethnicity, sexuality, not DEI?  No, “DEI” was its mandate. After the George Floyd killing, many towns approved whatever DEI language was put in front of it. I still believe it is time for a refresh.

I see ridiculous Saturday protests on the bridge, I’m called “fascist” for showing my thumb’s down. These thoughts, unwelcome at TEAM, regardless of my personal story.

Anti-Trump protest on the Ruth Steinkraus Cohen Bridge. (Photo/Dan Woog)

Also unwelcome, self-reflection on the elitism of the surroundings and the expectation of liberal conformity.

Westport is great, I’m grateful to be here. TEAM, the least welcoming part of Westport.

Rich liberals love it, but it’s a force for ideological divisiveness and bullying. I resigned, I’ll hang out with my neighbors, at least they’re nice.

Respectfully,
Phil Gallo

(“06880” invited TEAM Westport chair Harold Bailey to reply. He declined to comment.)

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Posted in Local politics, Westport life

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Happy New Year!

Posted on January 1, 2026 | 10 comments

For several years, “06880” rang in the new year with an iconic photo: The “blue marble” image of Earth, suspended in space.

Taken by Apollo 17 astronauts in December 1972, for half a century it symbolized the beauty and fragility of our planet, and the interconnectedness of us all.

Three years ago, I went intergalactic.

In the years since the James Webb Space Telescope beamed its first pictures back to us, the world has been mesmerized.

We thought we knew how vast and amazing the universe is.

Now, we realize, we don’t know the half — or the hundredth, or squintillionth — of it.

Gazing at photos like the one above, we realize how insignificant we truly are. Our planet is just one grain of sand, on an obscure beach, in an out-of-the-way location.

We really don’t matter at all.

Except to us.

Take a look at that photo again.

That landscape of “mountains” and “valleys” speckled with glittering stars is actually the edge of a nearby, young, star-forming region in the Carina Nebula. For the first time, we see stars being born.

We look billions of light years into the past. That’s crazy stuff.

So — back here on Earth, in our tiny ZIP code in our small state in our big country in our average-sized planet — we have to wonder: What actually matters?

Is it whether our new athletic field is grass or turf? Is it whether we build a parking deck downtown? Is it the inconvenience of traffic on our roads, or a neighbor who chops down most of his trees?

The answer is: Yes.

These things matter.

They matter because they are part of our lives here in Westport. Sure, the universe seems endless; we still can’t really conceive of the fourth dimension, and our universe itself may be part of another, “living” life form.

In other words, the Westport — and the world — we know may just be atoms in an infinitely more complex something-or-other.

But all that’s for another day (or time).

Meanwhile, we look for the answers to life out there. Right now though, it’s our own lives to lead, right here in “06880.”

Let’s lead them well.

And so … bringing us back to what we know best … here’s that beautiful blue marble, once more.

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Posted in Westport life

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Helping Grieving Family, Friends Through Holidays

Posted on December 17, 2025 | 3 comments

Jeff Kimball says, “The holidays are filled with joy, lights and laughter. But they’re also a time when people tend to suffer in silence, in the shadows of all the excitement.”

He should know. A longtime Westport resident, he has spent over 20 years supporting children and adults who are sick or grieving, in positions like CEO and executive director at Circle of Care, Experience Camps and United Way of Fairfield County. He is now president of Empower Healing Center, which he co-founded.

Jeff Kimball

“I know what it’s like, having dealt with grief professionally and personally,” Jeff notes.

“I lost my wife to cancer at age 38 when my girls were 3 and 5, and both of my parents, my best friend and my 9-year-old niece, all in a handful of years.

“I have since spent my time giving back to help people who are suffering and need support.

“I know people have the best of intentions and want to help those who are grieving. But many don’t know what to do or say, so they pull away at a time when support is needed most.

“This leaves people feeling even more isolated. I thought it might be helpful to provide some tips — non-therapeutic advice — to let people know what kind of support those of us who are grieving need, especially during the holidays.

Jeff’s Empower Healing Center offers practical tips. They include:

  • Lean in. Presence matters more than perfection.
  • Don’t try to fix it. As Paul McCartney said, “Let it be.”
  • Say a loved one’s name.
  • Include them — but give options.
  • If you’re tasked with helping people, be specific. Making more demands of someone grieving can feel overwhelming.

  • Understand that joy and grief can coexist. Grief is a moment. Grieving is a journey.
  • Respect boundaries.
  • What you might want in this moment might not be what someone else needs.
  • Remember: Grief lasts longer than a season.
  • Random acts of kindness are transformative.

For more details on each tip, click here. 

“I’m so proud to live in such a supportive, loving community,” Jeff says.

“I want those who are grieving to know you are never alone, that the hurt you feel will one day be met with loving, warm memories, and that there are many people here in town who love and support you. Don’t ever give up!”

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Posted in Westport life

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All Our Kids Want For Christmas …

Posted on December 11, 2025 | 5 comments

One of the many fun features of last Saturday’s Holiday Stroll was the collection box at Savvy + Grace for kids’ letters to Santa.

(SPOILER ALERT: If you are 8 years old or younger, and/or still believe in Santa Claus, stop reading now!)

Santa — aka as “I,” aka as Dan Woog, founder of “06880” which co-sponsored the Stroll with the Westport Downtown Association — already responded to those dozens of letters.

At least, to the ones that included addresses. And the ones I could read and/or understand. Don’t they teach handwriting and spelling in kindergarten anymore?

Savvy + Grace owner Annette Norton, with her Santa letter box at the Holiday Stroll. (Photo/Dan Woog)

So what do kids want in 2025, an era in which toddlers play with iPads, Disney owns marketing rights to the entire planet, and toys now come equipped with AI “brains”?

Lots of Legos. Roller skates. Stuffed animals. Skateboards. Nerf guns.

Those are the kinds of things Santa/I can relate to. At a time when he/I think the world has gone cuckoo, and his elves are threatening to unionize, we give a sigh of relief that at least some Westport kids are still, well, kids.

Need proof? Here’s a particularly thorough one. I like Mateo’s clarity (including “I want my games digital”).

“Ill be okay if I dont get everything” was a particularly nice touch.

Of course, other letters gave him/me pause.

One letter writer requested “an orange jeep, vacation to London, hand warmers and gummi bears.” (Perhaps this was not written by a 6-year-old. One clue: It was signed “MaryAnne.” Today’s kids do not have normal names. Brooklyn, Serafina, Kierra, Vienna, yeah. But not MaryAnne.)

Then there’s Xander. (Great name!) In addition to a sweatshirt with a Ram truck, and a “cool bracelet,” he asked for “a good day with my family.” Well done, kid!

And someone who didn’t sign his or her name, but asked for “health for my grandparents, myself and my friend Itty Bitty” — very sweet. Though Santa/I wonder why he didn’t include his parents. There wasn’t a word count on the form.

But this one really tugged at the heartstrings:

Santa can’t fulfill every wish. But that’s a window into what is on at least one child’s mind this season.

We’ll end with Sophia. She asks for a lot, from an iPhone (if possible 🙂 ) and 3D printer, to manga, bubble products, and popcorn and snow cone machines.

Santa/yours truly would need a special sack for her house alone.

But there — nestled between croissant jellycat and baking supplies — is “world peace” 🙂

Thanks, Sophie. Santa (and I) will see what we can do.

(So what does “06880” wish for? We don’t need Legos or Jellycats. We would love world peace. But if you really want to get us something, please click here to support this blog. Ho ho ho!)

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Posted in Children, Local business, Westport life

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Get Ready For Winter: Snow Plowing 101

Posted on December 9, 2025 | 2 comments
It hasn’t (really) snowed this season (yet).

But Westport’s Department of Public Works is ready. They say:

Plow routes: There are 124 miles of roads in Westport, and only a small team of drivers to clear them of snow and ice. Main roads are plowed first, with special attention given to steep hills and difficult intersections. Then come side streets, followed by dead-end streets. Plow drivers make a single pass on side streets to keep them open, but their primary focus is to keep the main roads open for emergency vehicles and the safety of all Westport residents.

Do not pass snow plows: Never pass or follow a plow too closely. Snow plows are massive vehicles, with wide blind spots that cannot maneuver easily or stop quickly. Plowing can create a cloud of snow around the truck, limiting visibility and creating whiteout conditions for passing motorists. It can also create a ridge of snow between lanes that makes passing inadvisable. Reducing speeds when clearing and treating roads allows plow drivers to better control road salt treatments, saving taxpayer money and minimizing environmental impact.

Plow drivers: Driving a plow is challenging. It requires hours of intense concentration to navigate massive vehicles in dark, cold and difficult weather conditions. DPW thanks you for driving with caution.

Blocked driveways: Plows angle plow blades to the driver’s right. This allows drivers to direct snow off the road and onto the shoulder. Plow drivers are not able to prevent snow from accumulating in front of individual driveways while safely and efficiently clearing snow from roads. Snow that accumulates on, or at the base of, private driveways is the responsibility of the homeowner to clear.

Private plowing: The town prohibits snowplow contractors from leaving snow from driveways or parking lots on town streets. If there is no alternative to pushing snow into the street, the private driver must re-plow the street until it is safe for residents to drive. This may not mean bare pavement, but should be no worse than before the snowplow driver began plowing.

Business sidewalks: Per town ordinance, businesses are responsible for keeping all sidewalks along their property clear of snow and ice.

Mailbox damage: The town will only repair or replace mailboxes and posts struck by a plow blade. Mailboxes and posts must be able to withstand the rigors of snow removal, including the force of snow directed from the street onto the roadside. The town will not repair or replace mailboxes and posts damaged by the force of projected snow. Damage from private plowing contractors is not the town’s responsibility.

Questions: Call Public Works: 203-341-1120.

(Photo/Luke Hammerman)

(“06880” is your full-service, 24/7/365, hyper-local blog. Whether you’re snowed in or out in the sun, we’re here for you. Please click here to support our work. Thank you!)

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Posted in Weather, Westport life

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[OPINION] That’s What (Westport) Friends Are For

Posted on December 6, 2025 | 22 comments

Fred Cantor was a longtime Westporter. The 1971 Staples High School graduate still feels connected to this town — and our blog. Fred writes:

My wife Debbie and I are moving soon for health-related reasons from Oronoque Village, a senior community in Stratford, to a senior community in Southern California.

So we made a visit to Westport. We stopped by my childhood home on Easton Road — where Debbie and I got married in a small family ceremony in 1982 — and the home on Drumlin Road where we lived for 22 years.

Fred Cantor’s childhood home on Easton Road …

Both houses epitomized the era they were built: the 1950s. The Easton Road home was roughly 1,850 square feet. The Drumlin one was approximately 1050 square feet.

I am fortunate in that, in contrast to many childhood friends, stopping by my old stomping grounds feels almost like a step back in time. Neither home became a “Teardown of the Day.”

… and Drumlin Road, where he and Debbie lived for 22 years.

So being back there triggers a variety of memories.

But in going back, it’s not just the memories of family — many of whom are gone now — that make these places feel special.

I realize too what will always make Westport feel like my hometown are the wonderful neighbors and friends from the times I lived in these houses.

We sold our Drumlin home privately to a friend and former neighbor who was looking to return — and Debbie and I are so glad we did. Cheryl enjoys the home every bit as much as we did, and has put such loving care into the property.

When Debbie and I approached our former longtime home Cheryl, in her 60s, was out in the yard cutting the grass and mulching leaves with her very quiet electric mower. Gotta love that.

And seeing our former Drumlin neighbor, the beloved Staples teacher and administrator Gordon Hall, to wish him an early happy 98th birthday brought back memories of the various kind things he and his wife Dot — and several other Drumlin neighbors as well — did for us over the years.

 

This visit came not long after attending the boys soccer FCIAC championship match in Fairfield. I sat near my former Staples coach, Jeff Lea, former teammate Jim Bacharach, and other Staples soccer alums. This was accompanied by a flood of emails with former Staples teammates during the remarkable postseason run by the 2025 squad.

These combined experiences reinforced the feeling that there have indeed been a number of terrific friends and neighbors over the years who helped make Westport seem like I was living the story in “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

So here’s a farewell toast to all of those people who made me feel lucky to have lived for decades in such friendly and supportive small-town surroundings.

Fred Cantor and Debbie Silberstein wave goodbye. (Photo/Tracy McIntosh)

(“06880″‘s Opinion pages are open to all. Send submissions to 06880blog@gmail.com. To support our work, please click here. Thank you!)

22 Comments

Posted in Looking back, Real estate, Westport life

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Roundup: Dogs And Wheels …

Posted on November 30, 2025 | 25 comments

A number of social norms have been broken lately.

Public language is coarser. Dress codes for Broadway shows are looser.

And dogs are having their day.

We see them everywhere: Stores. Supermarkets. Even restaurants.

(And no — they are not all service animals.)

Most are on the small side.

Some are not.

This was the scene yesterday, at Barnes & Noble:

Let’s crowd source this.

What’s the appropriate etiquette for dogs in public indoor spaces? Does it vary by size, or type of establishment? Why do owners want to bring their dogs everywhere? Why would others object? And who should make the call?

Click “Comments” below. Please use your full, real name — and let us know whether you own a dog, or not.

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Speaking of dogs: Cat Malkin writes, “Yogi Bear enjoyed seeing Santa and eating delicious treats at Earth Animal yesterday. He (Yogi) supported supported their holiday wreath sale — with 100% of the proceeds going to CT Foodshare.

“Yogi wants all pet-loving Westporters know they can bring pet food — and old towels and blankets — to Earth Animal. They’ll make sure it goes to pets in need.

“You can also bring dog and cat food to the Homes with Hope food pantry (Gillespie Center on Jesup Road, behind Barnes & Noble) and the Connecticut Humane Society (now at 863 Danbury Road, Wilton).

“Yogi says, ‘Woof, woof, woof. Happy Holidays to all!'”

Yogi and Santa. (Photo/Cat Malkin)

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Speaking of Santa: The transition from Thanksgiving to Christmas occurs smoothly.

And everywhere.

This was the scene yesterday, at Compo Beach:

(Photo/Regi Kendig)

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Last month marked the 5th anniversary of Wheels2U service.

From its beginning in 2020 during the early months of the COVID pandemic — serving a handful of riders in a portion of Westport — it has grown to cover the entire town, providing a record 3,069 rides in October alone.

Wheels2U is projected to book over 31,000 rides in the fiscal year ending June 30.

Commuters to and from Westport, seniors and families across Westport rely on it every weekday.

For just $2, the service offers curb-to-curb and curb-to-platform transportation to destinations including the Saugatuck and Greens Farms train stations, Senior Center, Jesup Green and Imperial Avenue Farmers’ Market.

Key features include:

  • Seamless technology: An app-based booking system allows riders to schedule trips and track vehicles in real time.
  • Sustainability impact: Transitioned in November to more comfortable and fuel-efficient vehicles, saving an estimated 4,100 gallons of fuel and reducing 80,000 pouds of CO₂ emissions annually (equivalent to the yearly energy use of 5 homes). A switch to electric vehicles this spring will further reduce emissions
  • Expanded service hours: Extended morning service to and from the 2 train stations to 10:30 a.m., and evening service to 9:30 pm.  Added service Tuesday through Thursday from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. to downtown locations.
  • Exceptional rider satisfaction: Maintains a 4.9/5 average ride rating, with 95% of all reviews at 5 stars. The average wait time for a pickup is under 12 minutes.

Wheels2U

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Oyster Turkey tail mushrooms make their first appearance in our “Westport … Naturally” series today.

Nancy Axthelm spotted these edible fungi at Winslow Park.

(Photo/Nancy Axthelm)

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And finally … you may have guessed this was coming:

(Yogi Bear says, “You don’t need to be smarter than the average bear to help ‘06880.’ You just need to click here, to support the hyper-local blog that every person and dog loves. Arf!”

 

25 Comments

Posted in Beach, Local business, Transportation, Westport life

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Warmth Of The Season: Neighbors Still Need Help

Posted on November 30, 2025 | Comments Off on Warmth Of The Season: Neighbors Still Need Help

November began with terrifying news, for SNAP (food stamp) recipients in Westport and elsewhere.

The government shutdown meant the loss of benefits. How would they feed themselves, and their families?

As in communities across the country, residents rode to the rescue.

Homes with Hope, Rotary Clubs, Staples Service League of Boys, Scouts and other organizations swung into action. Donations of food and funds poured in. Pantries were filled; extra meals were served. No one went hungry.

Homes with Hope food pantry volunteers. 

But food insecurity is not over.

“As we head into the holiday season, many Westport households are quietly struggling to put food on the table,” says Department of Human Services director Elaine Daignault.

“It’s a silent struggle  — one marked by isolation and worry —that often goes unseen in a community like ours. We are extraordinarily grateful for the Westport residents and organizations who step up year after year to support families who might otherwise go without.”

Several households receiving assistance expressed deep appreciation for programs that allow them to participate in the holiday without fear of stigma.

One parent said, “I never imagined needing help, and it was so hard to ask. The fact that everything is handled privately made it possible for me to say yes. My kids had a real Thanksgiving because of this community.”

Another resident noted, “The support comes quietly and respectfully. It reminds me that I’m not alone—and that this town truly cares.”

Staples High School’s AWARE Club helps make Thanksgiving joyful for local families.

In the past year alone:

  • The Westport Woman’s Club provided $11,000 in grocery gift cards to 144 households for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hannukah, enabling families to purchase foods most meaningful to them.
  • The Club’s food closet also plays a vital role year-round. So far this month alone, it distributed over $2,500 in groceries and gift cards to Human Services beneficiaries.
  • The Westport Senior Center partnered with the Friends of the Senior Center, Westport Woman’s Club and Calise’s Food Market to ensure that homebound older adults and adults with disabilities receive special catered holiday meals.
  • Dozens of Senior Center volunteers help serve lunch, and warmly greet guests, every day.
  • Coleytown Middle School held its annual Giving Assembly. Students and staff contributed $1,695 in gift cards, plus 55 bags of Thanksgiving foods and breakfast staples.
  • Coleytown Elementary School and Stepping Stones Preschool created heartfelt Thanksgiving cards for Senior Center participants.
  • Temple Israel’s Early Childhood Center donated 70 pies, shared among Human Services, Homes with Hope and the Westport Housing Authority.
  • As “06880” reported earlier, the Westport Firefighters Charitable Fund donated 1,000 turkeys to Bridgeport residents; A&S Fine Foods prepared Thanksgiving meals for dozens more, while residents added pies to the meals; Homes with Hope oversaw efforts that provided Thanksgiving dinner to more than 2,500 local residents.
  • Gault donated 10 turkeys to local families.

“These acts of kindness mean that many Westporters — who may be overlooked or too hesitant to seek assistance — will feel seen, supported and included this holiday,” Daignault says.

Still, this is just the start of the winter.

Throughout the next months, Daignault says, her department will “remain focused on basic needs such as heating assistance, food resources, and the added pressures families face when school is out and children are home.”

Assistance with fuel costs is important for some local residents. 

Up next: Westport’s Holiday Giving Program. It will support over 150 children from 90 families (and counting). The assistance helps parents provide a few meaningful gifts, and adequate food during the holidays and school break.

Residents can click here to make a tax-deductible contribution. Select a program or cause to support — or give to the area of greatest need. 100% of all donations go directly to Westport residents.

Questions? Call 203-341-1050, or email humansrv@westportct.gov.

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Posted in Organizations, Westport life

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Happy Thanksgiving, 2025

Posted on November 27, 2025 | 16 comments

In 1941, The Saturday Evening Post published Westport artist Stevan Dohanos’ Thanksgiving cover.

A few years later Dohanos produced another illustration, titled simply “Thanksgiving.” The house was a red gingerbread, at 55 Long Lots Road.

That home still stands — though it’s been remodeled. Much else has changed in Westport over the years too.

And much has not.

Including the importance of this holiday. It’s one of  the most family-, friends- and community-minded days of the year.

On this Thanksgiving Day 2025, “06880” wishes all our readers — in this zip code, or far away — a happy, healthy and heartfelt holiday.

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Posted in Looking back, Media, Westport life

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Swimming In Westport’s Pressure-Filled Waters: A Psychologist Looks At Teens

Posted on November 24, 2025 | 19 comments

Westport parents don’t consider themselves tiger moms (or dads).

But — to mix metaphors — the pressure to live up to high standards is part of the ether here.

And — to mix them again — “there are a lot of very accomplished people here. Our kids swim in those waters. Even if the parents try to send a message that it’s okay” not to get all A’s, or be the captain of every team, “the kids interpret it that way.”

Dr. Timothy Schmutte

That’s Dr. Timothy Schmutte speaking. He’s a clinical psychologist who lives and practices in Westport, and an assistant professor of psychiatry at Yale School of Medicine. His research focuses on suicide prevention.

He knows these waters. And he is keenly aware how treacherous they can be.

With 2 sons at Staples High School — and having taken part in numerous PPTs, IEPs and 504 meetings — “Dr. Tim” appreciates the mental health providers and opportunities in the Westport Public Schools.

But he knows what they’re up against.

The downside of growing up in a high-powered, high-achieving, high-expectation town is that there is an expectation that it’s normal, and good, for everyone to be high-powered and high-achieving too.

It’s natural for parents to judge themselves — or at least their parenting skills — by the accomplishments of their kids.

But when parents sense a red flag — that there’s something different or worrisome in their child’s life — they may call Tim.

“They present as a very convincing image of the son or daughter most parents would want to have. So we talk about life,” he says of his meetings with teens. They open up about how over-committed they feel. Advanced Placement and Honors classes; at least one sport; SAT and other tutors; studying to be an EMT — “these kids are juggernauts,” he notes.

On the surface, they seem to hold it together well. But as Tim digs deeper, he sees that they feel “overwhelmed. Stretched too thin. They feel they can’t pull back anywhere.”

They’re not suicidal, he says. “But they wish they could wake up without facing the crushing burden of their day. There’s a sense of ‘I don’t want to — or I can’t — go on this way.'”

The psychologist calls the cycle of school/practice/staying up until 2 a.m. to finish homework/school again “lather, rinse, repeat.”

“They’re trapped on a treadmill, at the highest speed,” he adds. “And who knows for how long? They can’t take a break until at least they’re admitted to college.”

For many, it’s “all work and no play.” Even the extracurriculars that are supposed to bring joy are seen as one more activity to check off, on the long slog to college, and then a good job.

(Of course, those job worries are real too. The looming disruption of AI exacerbates those already fraught decisions about majors and careers.)

So where do today’s teenagers find joy?

“That’s one of the first questions I ask,” Tim says.

“There’s usually a pensive pause. They have to really think about how they relax.

“A lot of them say, ‘I go to my phone.’ But that’s often just another level of stress.”

Besides, he says, “a lot of them don’t think they have the time, or the permission, to unwind, take a break and get off the treadmill.

Tim may ask, “Would it be the worst thing in the world if you dropped your club sport to have more time to relax, and live a more diverse life?”

It’s a way of “inviting kids to consider their lives. It gives them permission to have a conversation with their parents” about slowing down.

He points to 3 teens who did just that. All 3 called it “a game-changer.”

Teenagers need time to chill. (Photo/Gara Morse)

Tim does not want to alarm parents. But, he says, they may want to ask themselves, “Is my child over-stretched? Do you believe if they’re not at the 99th percentile in everything, that it would be a catastrophic failure?”

He notes the irony of saying all this while working at Yale — one of the most prestigious universities in the country.

But, Tim says, “There are not a lot of shiny, happy people there.” He calls his own academic pedigree “humble. You don’t have to go somewhere great to have a great life. And there is not only one shot at a good life.”

Plenty of Westport students do not get into their first choice college — or even their second or third.

Often, he says, his patients are “pleasantly surprised how much they enjoy” wherever they end up.

“They think back to the craziness of their junior and senior years.” They call it “much ado about nothing.”

“As much as they struggled with ‘average excellence,’ they did not see their own accomplishments, or feel pride, because of the unrelenting standards everywhere. Now they realize how excessive and unnecessary it was.” They feel “a tremendous sense of relief.”

It would be nice for parents to realize that too, as their younger children go through the process. Or for graduates’ siblings and underclass friends to understand those epiphanies.

But, Tim says, that hyper-competitiveness is “still in the air and water, all around us.”

Of course, some families realize the importance of “taking the foot off the gas.” He cites 2 fathers of teen patients, who began seeing a therapist themselves, to talk about their own feelings of parenting, expectations and life in a pressure- cooker town.. (It’s more common for women to take that step, Tim says.)

Dr. Tim Schmutte offers this message to area parents: “If you have a sneaking suspicion or concern about the well-being of your child — or if you wonder if they’re doing too much, or are not their usual self — honor that thought. Put feelers out.”

And for Westport teenagers: “B+ or B okay. You can have an amazing life at a place that is not your #1 school.

“This is not the end of a great journey. It’s only the beginning.”

(“06880” reports often on life in Westport. We cover people of all ages — including teens. If you appreciate stories like this one, please click here to support our work. Thank you!)

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