Category Archives: People

Remembering Khaliq Sanda

Posted on March 3, 2021 | 15 comments

The A Better Chance program has brought some remarkable teenagers to Westport. They, in turn, have enriched our town beyond measure.

None is more remarkable than Khaliq Sanda.

Arriving here in the fall of 2010, he immediately made his mark on Staples High School, and the entire community.

Khaliq Sanda

With a magnetic personality, an insightful mind, a welcoming spirit and a heart of gold, he made friends everywhere. Staples students, younger siblings, teachers — all were drawn to Khaliq.

Lori and David Sochol met him when the ABC home on North Avenue was being renovated. They and their neighbors, Laurie and Dave Gendell, each hosted 3 scholars.

The Sochols’ friendship with Khaliq grew stronger as he grew older. They were proud of his successes in the classroom, and the passion with which he got involved in Westport life.

Khaliq took 10 AP classes. He tutored. He worked at Internal Medicine Associates. He volunteered with Key Club, and served on Student Assembly.  

He touched everyone he met.

After graduation he headed to Duke University. He took pre-med courses. He wanted to be a psychiatrist.

In May of 2016, Khaliq was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Quickly, it metastasized to his brain.

The Sochols, and many other Westporters, stepped up to help. They made him comfortable, and ensured he had access to the best treatment at Sloan Kettering,

Following a trip to London and Barcelona with friends hee returned to Duke as a junior, and continued treatments there.

After graduating in 2018, Khaliq got a job and apartment in New York. When COVID hit, he moved in with the Sochols.

Khaliq Sanda at a formal dance, with great friends Roscoe Brown, Emily Korn and Elizabeth Camche.

In November, he lost the use of his legs. David found him an apartment in New York. School friends raised funds for the 2-bedroom place. Aides came during the day. At night, Westport and Duke friends helped.

Some were 3 years older; others, 2 years younger. “Everyone at Duke knew him,” Lori says. “They all said he changed their lives. Some said he saved their lives.”

Khaliq was hospitalized on Thursday. Over 100 friends came through over the weekend, to say goodbye.

This morning, with his family by his side, Khaliq Sanda died.

He leaves a remarkable legacy.

“He saw the best in us — even when we didn’t — and made us want to be better, and do better,” says David Sochol.

“His loving friendship quietly motivated us — again often without us even realizing it — to live up to our ideals and achieve our promise.

“Khaliq defined courage, character and grace. He faced unimaginable adversity with extraordinary humor, patience and strength. He will be missed, but his memory will endure in the actions of all who knew him and loved him.”

A college scholarship fund for Sloan Kettering patients will be set up soon to celebrate his many achievements. Details will be announced on “06880.”

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In 2014, Khaliq spoke at the A Better Chance Gala. 

Khaliq Sanda, speaking at the 2014 A Better Chance Dream Event.

Hundreds of Westporters mingled with ABC House graduates, and were gratified to hear updates on their highly accomplished lives. There were silent and live auctions. The food was excellent.

The highlight of the evening was speeches by graduating seniors. Khaliq Sanda and Ruben Guardado talked about their difficult journeys to, and through, Westport. They graciously thanked all who had helped them so far, and promised to help others who follow them.

Here is part of what Khaliq said:

Almost exactly a decade before I was born, President Reagan stood in front of the Brandenburg Gate and said, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” He was speaking literally about the barrier that separated East and West Berlin. I want to talk about metaphorical walls.

When my parents were in their 20s, they emigrated from Cameroon to the United States. Their motivation was the same as most immigrants: they wanted their children to get the kind of education that is unavailable in the country they come from. Their move to a strange and unfamiliar country — through checkpoints and gates and then up and over an invisible wall — was a sacrifice that I think about every day. My parents’ American lives and the fact that I am standing here in front of you today are proof that these walls can be scaled. But climbing over them requires more than just the usual factors, like perseverance, determination, adaptability, hard work, and good luck. It requires, above all, a human ladder to help you vault over the barricade.

Graduating seniors Khaliq Sanda (left) and Ruben Guardado (right) pose with Anthony Soto at the 2014 A Better Chance gala. Anthony — the MC — was the 1st Westport ABC alum to earn a graduate degree.

It was not easy for Khaliq to enter Staples as a freshman. He did not know a single person, but every classmate seemed to know everyone else. “I was on one side of the wall,” he said. “Everyone else was on the other.” He wondered if the next 4 years of his life would be like that.

He found refuge in — “of all places” — Karen Thomas’ geometry class. Her dedication to teaching — and to him — was profound. Khaliq found other “amazing” educators at Staples — Heather Colletti-Houde, Will Jones, Christina Richardson, Suzanne Kammerman, and more — and he flourished.

Other strong arms lifted him up.

My host family, the Mathiases, was indispensable. Kim and Mark, your compassion, care, and willingness to make me a part of your family are the greatest gifts you could have given me. Nick and Nicole, you are the younger brother and sister I always wanted but would have treated really badly if you actually were my younger brother and sister. This way is better: I love you and I like you. If you ever need me, know I’m only a phone call away.

Khaliq Sanda with his host family: Nick, Kim, Mark and Nicole Mathias.

Khaliq Sanda with his A Better Chance host family: Nick, Kim, Mark and Nicole Mathias.

Khaliq also thanked the resident directors at ABC House; his fellow residents; ABC board members and volunteers, who provided a home away from home, rides and much else.

He spoke of his bonds with Michael Newman and the Peer Advisors group. In fact, he said, Michael is the reason he wants to study neuroscience. He thanked Kim Freudigman, for helping him reach his dream of studying at a university he once would never have dreamed of applying to.

Then, the once friendless Khaliq — now one of the most popular students at Staples — said:

If you’re going to climb a really massive, imposing wall, you’re going to need to stand on the shoulders of giants — young giants. There is absolutely no way I would have been able to make it through this program without my best friends and their families. Roscoe Brown, Grant Heller, Cooper Shippee, Jeremy Langham, Austin Nicklas, Joey Schulman, Charlie Leonard, Henri Rizack, Eliza Yass, Annie and Lauren Raifaisen, Elizabeth Colwell, Emily Korn, Elizabeth Camche and Caroline O’Brien — thank you. You have been there for me through thick and thin. When I have needed someone to talk to or share a laugh with, you were my first choice, my early decision. You have been crucial in my life beyond what any of you will ever understand or I could put into words. Without revealing anything that could get us all in trouble, let me just say… I don’t think there’s been a single dull moment.

Without sounding boastful, Khaliq described his life in Westport: 10 AP classes, a job at Internal Medicine of Westport, volunteer work with the Key Club, “advocating for students on Student Assembly, and trying to maintain the façade of a well-rested, happy-go-lucky, not-a-care-in-the-world, totally color-coordinated teenager.”

He concluded by reaching back to his original reference to walls.

When President Reagan asked President Gorbachev to tear down the wall, East Germans and West Germans had been separated for nearly 30 years. You can imagine — I can imagine — what they were thinking: the people on the other side of the wall are not like me. Their lives are not like my life. Their problems are not like my problems.

A Better ChanceThat’s what I thought when I first moved here. From my side of the wall, Westport seemed like a picture-book town. The reality is much more complex. I feel incredibly fortunate to have lived here for 4 years, but I also feel incredibly fortunate to have lived in Queens and Lawrenceville, Georgia, and to have been born into my amazing family. We don’t have a Range Rover in the driveway, but there is always a home-cooked meal on the kitchen table. And our house isn’t 11,000 square feet, but it’s filled with the people I love most in the world, filled with laughter and joy.

My journey these last 4 years is similar to the one my parents took when they were only a little older than I am now: moving to a place unlike your home, starting over with no family or friends to support you, and having to stay strong even when things were rocky. I think my parents would say that every moment of their journey was worth it, and every day, I am amazed by how strong, courageous, caring, and wise my parents are. Mom and Dad, you mean the world to me, I thank you again for having the confidence in me, and I hope I’ve made you proud. I love you guys.

Thank you all for helping me climb over the wall.

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And now, to bring a smile to your face: Here’s a video from 2013. With his usual spirit and zest, Khaliq and good friend Roscoe Brown asked 2 girls to the junior prom:

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“Know A Good Therapist?” Lauren Barnett Does.

Posted on March 3, 2021 | Comments Off on “Know A Good Therapist?” Lauren Barnett Does.

COVID has exacerbated the American mental health crisis. But when people seek help — for their children or themselves — it’s tough to find the right person. Often, the defaults are Google (“therapist near me”) or Facebook (“Does anyone know a therapist? Asking for a friend”).

Of course, there are plenty of professionals. Sometimes, too many: psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, you name it.

Many are excellent at what they do. But they are not businesspeople. They do not have websites — or if they do, they don’t include a lengthy bio, including education, specialty, technique and treatment philosophy.

How can a potential patient find a therapist. And how can a therapist get his or her name in front of people needing help?

Well, click on Family Consultants of Westport.

Lauren Barnett

The site is the brainchild of Lauren Barnett. A Westchester native who “escaped” Florida 12 years ago when her husband’s work brought him to the area, she had a brainstorm last year.

Lauren spent 25 years in the mental health field. She was a middle school guidance counselor (“I love kids that age!”) and the director of a Berkshires girls summer camp.

She watched with concern as the emotional and psychological needs of youngsters grew — particularly in the last 5 years. She has 2 teenagers of her own.

“People are drowning,” she says. “They don’t know how to get the right help for their kids, or themselves.”

The mental health landscape is vast. Which means it’s intimidating to navigate — particularly during tough times.

Besides Google and Facebook, people can ask pediatricians and guidance counselors. Lauren is a “huge advocate” of their help. But, she notes, “they jump through so many hoops to meet the needs of kids with issues. They don’t have the time to vet everyone who’s out there, or match the right therapist with what a certain kid needs.”

Which is where she comes in.

Lauren curates a list of people who can help. It includes not just psychologists, psychiatrists and trained therapists, as well as recovery specialists, nutritional counselors, educational consultants and more. They address a broad range of behavioral, social and psychological concerns.

When she speaks to a client, she determines the type of help needed — and the type of personality that’s the best fit.

She uses herself as an example. “I might be drawn to someone boisterous, or with a sense of humor. But that might turn off someone else.”

Lauren makes 3 matches. She tells those 3 professionals to expect a call. Then she tells her client to call all 3, and make the decision that feels right.

“I do the legwork. I make the calls, so they can get help when they need it,” she explains.

Lauren has approximately 25 categories of professionals, with 25 or so names in each.

She speaks with new clinicians every day. They appreciate her service as much as clients.

Her initial interview takes about an hour. She learns about their background and training, and assesses their personality.

Lauren Barnett, with her family.

As they talk, they often mention the names of others. “She’s great with younger adolescents,” the might say. Or “he’s really good with social anxiety.”

“I want a broad network,” Lauren notes. “Therapy is not ‘one size fits all.’ You need the right fit for personality, approach and comfort level.”

Family Consultants of Westport is not just for parents needing help with their children. One client was “paralyzed” by her daughter’s issues. After finding Lauren, she realized she needed help too.

Lauren describes herself as “a sounding board, a point person, home base. I’m where you start, right at the beginning. The last thing you need is to waste hundreds of hours, and thousands of dollars, with the wrong therapist.”

(Click here for the Family Consultants of Westport website.)

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Remembering Bob Comstock

Posted on February 28, 2021 | 2 comments

Robert “Bob” Comstock — a legendary New Jersey reporter and journalist, who moved to Westport nearly 20 years ago to be near his daughter and grandsons — died earlier this month, from complications of COVID-19. He was 93.

He was active here in the Unitarian Church and Y’s Men. But many Westport friends may not have known of his background.

Robert Comstock (Photo/Bob Brush for NorthJersey.com)

He was editor of The Record for more than a decade; press director for Governor Brendan Byrne; associate professor at Rutgers University, and a public relations executive.

According to The Record: 

Described by one former reporter as running The Record’s newsroom with “an iron fist and a velvet glove,” Comstock oversaw the newspaper in the pre-internet age when print was still king. His tenure at the helm of the paper covered everything from the Iran hostage crisis to President Ronald Reagan being shot to the Challenger space shuttle explosion and the Iran-Contra scandal of the late 1980s.

Former governor Tom Kean called Comstock “a first class guy. He did a tremendous job for the paper and the state. He was not a Republican, so we had some disagreements along the way. But always in friendship. You could disagree with him/ But you never lost respect for him.”

A New York City native, his mother had come to the US from Australia to tour on the the vaudeville circuit with her sister and parents. His father was an insurance salesman during the depression.

After graduating from Ridgewood High School he joined the Navy, shortly before World War II ended. He then attended Rutgers as a journalism major. Doing presswork for summer stock theater in Corning, New York he worked withBurt Lahr, Kim Hunter, June Havoc, Zasu Pitts and Jerry Orbach.

At The Record, former columnist John Cichowski said, “He was the political editor and a damn good one. He had such insights into how politics worked. Who all the movers and shakers were. He was able to straddle those boundaries between how to present the news objectively, yet still use the solid contacts with these people.”

Robert Comstock with President Carter.

Stints with Byrne, Rutgers and in public relations followed. Comstock was a member of the NJ Public Broadcasting Authority, the NJ Committee for Humanities, the advisory committee on Judicial Conduct of the NJ Supreme Court, and a trustee of the Bergen Museum of Art and Science.

Comstock was predeceased by his wife Barbara Corner Comstock, to whom he was married for 59 years, and sister Doris Auger. He is survived by daughter Kate Comstock Davis; son Eric Taylor Comstock; grandsons Alexander, Benjamin and Theodore Davis; his son, Eric Taylor Comstock, and his sister, Margot Comstock Tommervik.

A memorial celebration will be held in the fall. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the ACLU or Rutgers University Scholarship Fund.

(Click here for Bob Comstock’s full obituary.)

Barbara and Bob Comstock.

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Serendipity Chorale’s Serendipitous 45 Years

Posted on February 27, 2021 | 3 comments

In 1975, the Norwalk Symphony Organization planned a concert version of “Porgy and Bess.” Composer George Gershwin had stipulated it could only be performed by Black artists.

Gigi Van Dyke knew many Black singers in the area. She was asked to recruit a choir of 40 or 50 voices, teach them the score, and rehearse them.

Gigi called choir members from Norwalk to New Haven. She credits “serendipity” with finding all the sopranos, altos, tenors and basses needed.

Gigi Van Dyke

The story goes that the Norwalk Symphony Orchestra told Gigi to bring “her people” to the concert hall for a technical rehearsal. When the members — all well prepared and ready — showed up, there were more commands like “get your people to…” and “your people had better…” 

Gigi told the NSO that she could not be involved with the project. The choir did not want to go on without her.

The Norwalk Hour got wind of the exit from a sold-out performance. The headline was something like “Porgy and the Norwalk Symphony: It Ain’t Necessarily So.”

Members of the pick-up choir did not want to disband after enjoying singing together, with Gigi playing piano and directing. They continued rehearsing.

Again by serendipity, opportunities to perform kept coming Gigi’s way.

Hundreds of men and women singers have been part of the group — now called the Serendipity Chorale — over the past 45 years. They performed with Pete Seeger, Andy Williams, Betty Jones, (and the Norwalk Symphony Orchestra), among others.

Peter Jennings and ABC News recognized Van Dyke and the chorale in 1998 for its “service to all mankind.” In 2000, Governor Jodi Rell honored the Chorale as a “Connecticut Treasure.”

The Serendipity Chorale’s last live performance was last February 23, at the Darien Library. The repertoire of show tunes, pop standards, folk songs and gospel spirituals was to have kicked off a busy year celebrating their 45th anniversary.

The pandemic shattered those plans. Instead, Chorale members and friends decided to sponsor the production of a solo piano CD featuring Gigi.

Finding the right piano, recording site and engineer was difficult. Finally Gigi’s longtime friend and colleague, Rev. Dr. Edward Thompson — minister of music at Westport’s Unitarian Church in Westport — suggested recording in the now-empty sanctuary, on the church’s Steinway Grand.

Gigi Van Dyke at the Unitarian Church’s Steinway. (Photo/Lynda Shannon)

Congregation member Alec Head — a recording engineer and producer — heard Gigi play. He quickly signed on.

The sanctuary was booked for 4 hours in September. Recording took just an hour.

“Artists always tell me they can do their piece in a single take,” Alec said. “It just doesn’t happen. Except that with Gigi it did.”

Head remastered the CD, titled “It’s Love.” It was created not as a Chorale fundraiser but as a gift to Gigi, and from her to churches that could no longer have live music, as well as to senior centers and other organizations where she and the Chorale had often performed.

Recording and production costs were underwritten by donations. Copies were sent to singers who have been part of the Chorale’s life and spirit for 45 years.

The Serendipity Chorale looks forward to singing together again — perhaps this year.

In the meantime, they can hear Gigi at the piano playing her favorite hymns and songs.

For the past year, the choir could not sing. But — without missing a beat — they shared the magic of music anyway.

(Hat tip: Lynda Bluestein)

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Scarice: How A Community Works … Together

Posted on February 26, 2021 | Comments Off on Scarice: How A Community Works … Together

Superintendent of Schools Thomas Scarice offered this update today:

It’s been a very busy week, and I would like to provide the school community with some updates.

“We’re Tired of Being A Part of History”
Eight words uttered by one of our middle schoolers recently. Eight words that capture the sentiments and experience of a generation. For me, these are 8 words that scream, “Enough!!”

A generation of post-9/11 babies, raised in schools pierced by the haunting of Sandy Hook. Digital dopamine dispensers at their fingertips. The destructive funhouse mirror of social media staring them in the face. Overly exposed to images of violence and sex. Social unrest. A generational pandemic. Enough!

“If you can’t give children optimism, then what are you doing?” – Matt Haig
I awoke Wednesday morning to a news briefing in my inbox titled, “‘Covid zero’ isn’t going to happen — but normal life still can.”

The optimism that was forecasted weeks ago is just beginning to be realized.

It is true that COVID, like other coronaviruses, will circulate for years.  Yet, the expectation of managing COVID, similar to the seasonal flu, is just before us.

Superintendent of schools Thomas Scarice.

Infection rates have dropped precipitously since January, vaccines are racing to communities, treatments are proving to be effective, and testing is ubiquitous.  Although “COVID zero” is not in our immediate future, the return to an approximation of normalcy is.

As was noted in the news briefing that landed in my inbox, “The seasonal flu does not grind life to a halt. It does not keep people from flying on airplanes, eating in restaurants, visiting their friends or going to school and work.”

While Mother Nature’s traditional New England winter begins to recede, and daylight savings approaches with sunsets closer to 7 p.m. than school dismissal, there is reason for optimism as the anticipation intensifies.

How a Community Works…Together
“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” – Fred Rogers

Monday morning I rang a bell. That bell was heard by leaders in our community: 1st Selectman Jim Marpe, Westport Weston Health District director Mark Cooper, Police Chief Foti Koskinas, Deputy Fire Chief Mike Kronick, WPS human resources director John Bayers, WPS supervisor of health services Sue Levasseur.

In a matter of 3 days these community leaders imagined, planned and designed a comprehensive school-based vaccination clinic for all WPS personnel. My words could never do this justice, but it was an illustration of how a community works…together.

School-Based Vaccination Clinics
Through a partnership with the Westport Weston Health District, and in collaboration with Weston and Easton, I could not be more enthused to announce that our first vaccination clinic will be held Wednesday, March 3 in the Staples High School fieldhouse from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. for members of the Westport Public Schools team.

The plan is to hold clinics each successive Wednesday, based on vaccine availability, until all personnel who want to be vaccinated have had the opportunity. By working across 3 school districts, there is a better chance of securing adequate vaccines as quickly as possible.

Per Governor Lamont, priority must be given to educators who have direct contact with schools and students. All district employees, food service employees, transportation providers, and those who have direct contact with schools and students, will be eligible to receive the vaccine as of March 1 at any location, including the school-based clinic.

We will proceed as quickly as possible in having as many personnel vaccinated, which means that we may have remote days when vaccines are being offered, and we may have to factor in non-school days if side effects from the second dose result in staffing issues.

Remote Learning Day March 3
In order to mobilize our personnel and vaccinate as many members of the WPS school community as possible, March 3 will be a remote learning day for all students, pre-K to 12. It will be synchronous for students, as staff members with scheduled vaccine appointments will alert their students to transition to asynchronous work when they go for their shots. Students will resume synchronous learning once the staff member returns to their assignment.

Additional information regarding upcoming clinics, and how they may or may not impact the school day, is forthcoming.

What’s Next
As our implementation of full in-person learning continues, pre-K to 8, and the high school model increases access to in-person learning for Staples students on Monday (March 1), we will continue to monitor our progress in advancing forward in a measured, safe way.

Vaccinations are a significant leap in the direction of increasing a sense of normalcy for our students. Updates will be provided on further access at Staples and end of the year events. Let the optimism grow and impart it to the children around you.

Stay tuned…

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After Death, A Push For College Safety Reform

Posted on February 25, 2021 | 5 comments

Joel and Nanette Hausman have lived in Westport for 30 years. Their 3 sons — Lucas, Casey and Corey — were excellent athletes at Staples High School. All worked during that time too, flipping burgers and filling gas tanks.

In September of 2018, Corey died in a skateboarding accident at the University of Colorado. He had begun his freshman year just 15 days earlier.

Corey Hausman (center) with Lucas (left) and Casey (right): “The Brothers.”

After his death, his family created College911.net. The organization has 2 goals: reform college safety, and educate students and parents about emergency medical procedures.

The Hausmans did not know they could have taken steps that could have saved them from the tragedy. They want others to be ready, when their children move away from home.

“This initiative will lead to more informed student decisions, and help families be better prepared as medical emergencies arise,” they says.

They believe that transparency will enable public health agencies to use evidence-based data to support accident prevention recommendations.

In addition, colleges will be incentivized to increase investment in infrastructure and safety programs, and establish emergency protocols to include access to the best possible student emergency medical care.

In the legislative realm, College911 has launched a petition to:

  • Require colleges to publicly report all serious accidents (911 calls) and student deaths on or near campuses (while protecting student and family privacy)
  • Adopt protocols to ensure students have access to the best possible emergency care (Trauma Level 1), and
  • Require college websites to post the college-associated and other relevant health facilities (name, website/link) that provide emergency medical services to students in response to 911 calls, and (b) if this facility is not a Trauma-1, post the location of nearest Trauma-1 facility.

A proposed bill is moving through the Connecticut Legislature. It has bipartisan support, including from area lawmakers.

In addition, College911 created a Medical Emergency Checklist. It includes information for students on what they need to know once they turn 18 about their medical care (such as what information to always carry, and how to set up a smartphone health app), and for parents on what to consider before getting a call that their son or daughter needs emergency care.

Click here for the checklist. Click here for more information. To learn more or to help, email info@College911.net.

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Roundup: Healthcare, Music Festival, Y’s Women, More

Posted on February 24, 2021 | 2 comments

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The healthcare open enrollment period has been extended through March 15. If you do not have an employer-sponsored health insurance plan, you can get coverage through Access Health CT for you and your family. 

Connecticut residents can click on AccessHealthCT.com or call 855-805-4235 to review their coverage options and sign up for a plan. 

Click here to learn about enrollment assistance. Make sure you have the information you’ll need for yourself and anyone in your household if you’re ready to enroll in a plan. 

Hundreds of thousands of Connecticut residents have lost employer-sponsored health insurance during the pandemic. Access Health CT provides a safety net for displaced workers and their families. Click here for more information if you lost your health insurance because you or a family member lost their job. (Hat tip: Congressman Jim Himes)

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The Westport Library’s Lockdown Music Festival will be a low-key, fun and funky fundraiser for Neighborhood Studios of Bridgeport.

But the stakes just got higher. Longtime Westporter — and devoted Library patron — Dan Levinson will match all contributions up to $10,000.

The March 13 (7 p.m.). event is a virtual concert. Curated by Fairfield resident Chris Frantz of the Talking Heads and Tom Tom Club, it celebrates optimism, resilience and the power of music.

The Library’s concert partners are the Westport Weston Chamber of Commerce and WPKN-FM. Neighborhood Studios — the recipient of funds — provides arts, music, theater and dance education and opportunities for underserved  Bridgeport students. It will be livestreamed form the Library’s state-of-the-art Verso Studios.

Click here to register for the concert (and purchase a special concert poster).

Chris Frantz and his wife, Talking Heads bassist Tina Weymouth

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The Y’s Women are not just for women!

The great community group makes their virtual speaker series available to everyone. The most recent: Bill Harris, of the “new and oh so improved” Sacred Heart University Community Theater. Click here to view them all.

And (women only): Click here to learn about satellite groups (book and movie clubs), and how to join Y’s Women (for just $45 a year).

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Spring is tentatively creeping into town.

The sun rises earlier. The air is a little warmer. The joggers — and birds — are out.

Here are 2 shots from Compo Beach. Enjoy!

(Photo/Curtis Sullivan)

(Photo/Pam Kesselman)

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And finally … Lawrence Ferlingetti died Monday, in his beloved San Francisco. He was 101.

On a visit to San Francisco 20 or so years ago, I wandered into City Lights Bookstore. He’d always been my favorite poet. But for years, I’d assumed he was dead.

Yet there he was, standing by the counter, talking about books with someone who may or may not have known the old bearded guy was one of the most famous poets in the world.

I just listened. It was one of the most memorable days of my life.

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Heather Grahame’s Worldwide Adventures: Thank You, Mill Pond!

Posted on February 24, 2021 | 2 comments

Heather Grahame has done it all.

She captained her 1972 Staples High School field hockey team, then played at Mount Holyoke College.

During college summers she leveraged her experience as a Compo Beach lifeguard to teach swimming, water safety and first aid in rural Aleut villages. 

After graduating from the University of Oregon law school, Grahame practiced utility law in Anchorage. She placed 6th at the 1988 Olympic bicycle racing time trials. As a competitive sled dog racer, her top international finish — 6th — came at the 2000 Women’s World Championships.

In 2010 she moved to Montana. She ran her first triathlon at age 56, and found another great sport.

Not enough? Grahame also completed a full Ironman. That’s a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride, and a 26.2-mile run.

Not even COVID could knock out Heather Grahame. Though pools closed last spring, she did not miss a stroke. 

I should mention also that Grahame is a gifted writer. This was published recently by the Montana Masters Swimmers. “06880” reprints it, for all of us back east.

I learned to swim at the Sherwood Mill Pond, a marshy tidal basin in Westport, Connecticut. It was connected to Long Island Sound, with the water swiftly going in and out of the pond with the Sound’s high and low tides. To this day I recall being terrified of being swept to sea as the tide went out.

Sherwood Mill Pond, and the outlet to Long Island Sound. (Drone photo/Brandon Malin)

Later I spent many summers as a lifeguard at the town’s 3 beaches, watching from my chair for swimmers in trouble and, as the water became very warm in August, signs of sharks with their ominous fins.

Little did I know that my years of swimming and lifeguarding, and the accompanying swimming/water safety/first aid skills, would provide the foundation for years of adventures.

The first involved spending summers in small, isolated Alaskan villages along the Bering Sea. Villagers hunted and fished for subsistence – there were no Costcos, Safeways or other stores.

Summers required going out in boats in the dangerous waters of the Bering Sea or fishing from the shore for enough salmon to provide for the rest of the year. Falling into the icy waters often had deadly consequences, as there were no pools in which to learn to swim.

To address rural Alaska’s high drowning rate, for several years the state funded a program in villages in the Aleutian Chain and Bristol Bay. For 2 summers while I was in college, I lived in 4 rural Aleut and Yupik Eskimo villages to teach swimming, water safety and first aid.

I flew to Anchorage (3 1/2 hours from Seattle). Another college student and I got on a 4-seater bush plane for 3 to 6 more hours. We were finally dropped off on a gravel airstrip with a month’s worth of pilot bread, peanut butter, cornflakes and evaporated milk. We had to find a place to live and teach.

Heather Grahame (Photo courtesy of Helena Independent Record)

In each village we found a pond by the Bering Sea for the swim lessons. What quickly became clear was that water safety was the most important tool we could teach, together with the ability to tread water or swim a few strokes. If a person who fell overboard or waded too deeply had confidence to tread water or swim a few strokes while another person extended a jacket or pole, they could be rescued.

The kids loved the program. Adults sometimes wanted to learn as well. I spent hours standing in cold ponds in my old Speedo lifeguard swim suit with the equally cold Bering Sea wind whipping around me teaching floating, treading water, a few strokes of freestyle, and how to extend a pole or jacke.

Toward the end of my month in Egegik, I saw a young kid fall into a shallow pond. Before I could help, another kid extended his jacket and pulled him to safety. I have never forgotten the significance of that.

Swimming opened the doors to many other adventures. In Good News Bay I lived in the jail, except on the July 4th when a few villagers needed the cells more than I did.

In Unalaska I lived in a large barrel-like structure near a stream in which I often caught salmon, as an alternative to pilot bread and peanut butter.

The most remote village was on the island of Atka. It did not even have an airstrip. I flew from Anchorage to Unalaska, then get on a very small plane to Adak (a Navy base). I had to wait for days to take a 9-hour tugboat ride to Atka.

It’s amazing I actually made it back to college on time because due to repairs, the tug only made it to Atka and back 3 times. Had it not made that 3rd trip, I would have been stranded on the island for nearly a year.

Other adventures are much more recent. While they were not rugged, they are equally memorable, and made possible by my swimming skills.

I was fortunate to race in the Ironman 70.3 World Championships in 2016 in Mooloolaba, Australia. The swim took place in the Pacific Ocean, with the surf pushing us to the shore at the finish. Sweet!

After the race I asked officials about what appeared to be crab pots just beyond the racecourse buoys. I knew they could not be crab pots, because the water was too warm. I learned they were the tops of shark nets, to try to keep sharks out of the swim area. I’m glad I asked after the race.

Heather Grahame in Ironman action.

I raced in the Atlantic Ocean in 2017 as part of Ironman 70.3 Maine. When my husband and I had dinner on a high pier overlooking the buoys designating the course, I was a little intimidated. They extended straight out from the beach directly into the Atlantic for what appeared to be infinity.

I got into the water a day before the race. I swam along the buoys until I could easily see the turn buoy, and realized there was no reason to be concerned.

In 2018 I raced in the International Triathlon Union’s Multisport World Championships, in a channel in Denmark off the island of Funen.

The water was a comfortable temperature. There were no surf, tide or shark risks whatsoever. Easy!

When I reached halfway in the 1.2-mile swim and dove off the turnaround platform, I decided to change how I normally race. Instead of swimming conservatively and saving my energy for the bike and/or run portions of the race, I decided to truly race, in appreciation of my Helena swimming buddies and coaches who had helped me get ready for the event (thank you, guys!).

I finished with the second fastest swim time for women in my age group, due to the confidence and fitness achieved through the Helena Ridley swimmers and coaching.

All of these experiences flowed from my early years learning to swim in the Sherwood Mill Pond in Connecticut. From those moments of swimming terror I have enjoyed years of adventure, joy, challenges and friendships, and the treasured camaraderie of the swimming community.

Heather Grahame, swimming in Montana.

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New Artwork Hangs At CMS

Posted on February 21, 2021 | 4 comments

It snowed this past week. Westport schools were on winter break.

But Coleytown Middle School was filled. Busily and happily, volunteers hung art.

After renovation was completed in January, the Westport Public Art Collections committee got ready to reinstall over 70 works that were removed last year.

Town arts curator Kathie Motes Bennewitz noticed a beautifully refurbished, vast empty wall in the main staircase. It screamed for a giant piece to fill it

WestPAC  had none. But Bennewitz and Westport Arts Advisory Committee chair Nancy Diamond had a plan.

Eric Chiang

WAAC member artist Eric Chiang — who lives near CMS — creates large, multi-canvas acrylic paintings depicting themes like love, connection and hope. Many are colorful and fantastical — perfect for middle schoolers and a big, blank wall.

Could Chiang loan the school one of his pieces?

Of course!

Chiang measured the wall, photoshopped a few images onto it, then suggested possibilities for consideration.

CMS Principal Kris Szebo created a survey to engage students and teachers in the decision-making process. A vote was taken.

The winner: Are We Born Connected? The triptych acrylic on canvas measures 4 feet by 15 feet.

Eric Chiang (center) with his triptych. CMS building chair Don O’Day looks on.

Chiang notes, “The sound of the cello is in the same range of that of human beings. I used cellos to represent humans, emphasizing their voices. The big cello in the foreground faces two choices: Sing a solo dirge like those floating cellos on the left, or band together for Ode to Joy and celebrate the existences together like those cellos on the right. We are wounded, we are in despair, but we have each other. We are born connected, and can sing together.”

Are We Born Connected? is on loan to CMS until the end of the school year. The fanciful work will greet the students when they come back from vacation tomorrow.

The artwork is hung. From left: team member Scott Bennewitz, Westport arts curator Kathie Motes Bennewitz, artist Eric Chiang, CMS building chair Don O’Day.

The public may not visit, due to security protocols and COVID. But the piece can be viewed on the WAAC website — along with more than 1,500 other works from Westport’s extensive public collection.

(Click here for more of Eric Chiang’s work. Hat tip: Nancy Diamond.)

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Remembering Doris Jacoby

Posted on February 20, 2021 | 6 comments

Doris Jacoby died last month, at 94.

The longtime Westporter and her husband Frank received a Westport Arts Lifetime Achievement Award in 2012 for their contributions to film and television. That followed by 5 years a Friends of the Westport Library Special Friend Award.

The couple shared a career as pioneers during the golden age of television, including founding New York City’s first public television station.

They later started Jacoby/Storm Productions and traveled to over 60 countries making educational, documentary and corporate films.

Doris and Frank Jacoby, in the mid-1980s.

In addition to her professional accomplishments, she was a violinist (having studied at Juilliard from the age of 13), gardener, knitter, sculptor, and adoring grandmother to Alana, Maia, Greg, and Devon.

Her eldest granddaughter Alana is a musical theater writer, theater-maker and educator. She lives in the Hudson Valley, and wrote this remembrance:

When Doris Jacoby received a lifetime achievement award from her alma mater Brooklyn College in 2015, she suggested it be renamed a “lifetime achievement up until now award.” She said, “I’m only 89, and I’m not done yet.”

No one would have blamed her for being “done.” Behind her lay a remarkable career in film and television. She still ran a film screening series at the Westport Library, participated in a French conversation group, and had only recently given up ice skating (after starting lessons at age 73. There was always a magical notion among my family that Doris might outlive us all.

She had been destined for a life in show business. The younger daughter of Manheim and Fannie “Bobbie” Rosenzweig, she was born in 1926 in New York City. Her love of theater was firmly established by age 5, when she and her sister Sonya sold tickets to their productions around their neighborhood.

Doris and her older sister Sonya, circa 1928.

She followed in her musician mother’s footsteps, and began training as a violinist at Juilliard at 13. Theater is how she met my grandfather: When she was 19, she and Sonya borrowed scenery from the local Jacoby Playhouse for a production at the theatrical school they’d founded. Frank Jacoby, age 20, came to retrieve it.

They eloped 3 weeks later. Their marriage lasted 66 years, until Frank’s death in 2012.

Doris and Frank Jacoby celebrate with relatives and friends, a month after their elopement in 1946.

Doris and Frank’s professional relationship grew alongside their personal one, and they soon found themselves pioneers in the Golden Age of Television. Frank worked behind the scenes, while Doris flitted effortlessly between work behind and in front of the camera.

One moment she was a spokesperson, appearing on one of the first live TV news programs as the Con Edison Girl, extolling the wonders of electricity. The next, she was crouched under a table, slowly pulling a wick through a trick candle to create an illusion of a flame slowly disappearing for the opening segment of “Lights Out.”

Doris Jacoby — the “Con Ed girl” — with John Tillman on WPIX-TV, around 1949.

Doris and Frank put Channel 13 on the air, sparking a decades-long love of educational programming. They established Jacoby/Storm Productions (she was known professionally as Doris Storm) and traveled the world together making educational, documentary and corporate films, often working alongside their three sons, Doug, Bruce and Jeff. Their films included “The Wonderful World of Westport,” created to celebrate the town’s 150th anniversary in 1985.

Doris defied gender expectations throughout her life. She received special permission to study physics in high school, and was the only girl in her class.

She was the kind of woman who not only broke barriers, but also turned around to help the next woman through. One day during her tenure as the first female senior vice president of the publishing firm Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, she discovered her secretary sobbing in the restroom, having been sent home for wearing a pantsuit to work. Doris assured her everything would be okay. She bought her own pantsuit after work that evening and wore it the next day. Doris paraded into every male executive’s office, daring them to criticize her. No one said a word.

My grandmother was a true disciple of the tenet, “Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.” Her quick wit and dramatic instincts turned tales from her acclaimed career into the stuff of legends. In a favorite story whose details I never entirely understood even while she was telling it, she claims to have single-handedly persuaded the government of Armenia to reinstate Daylight Savings Time in 1997.

I will always remember her in a t-shirt that read, “If I knew grandchildren were so much fun, I would have had them first.” I’ll remember her showing me how to plant vegetables and solve crossword puzzles, stirring a bowl of chocolate pudding, teaching me how to knit as we made a hat for my cousin.

My memories of folding laundry with her or peeling an apple in a single spiral stand out as brightly as memories of Broadway shows and strolling the streets of Paris. She was the kind of person it felt special to be around, no matter what we did. She was an exceptionally excellent grandmother to me, my sister Maia, and my cousins Greg and Devon. She was incredibly well loved when she died peacefully at home on January 27.

Doris Jacoby accepting her Lifetime Achievement Award from Brooklyn College, her alma mater, in 2015.

If you feel inclined to donate in her memory, our family asks you to consider 2 options. Doris was extraordinarily proud of the work she did to establish Devon’s Place, a Boundless Playground in Norwalk that allows children of a wide range of abilities to play together. Named in honor of my youngest cousin, the park has been hugely important to countless children since it opened in 2004. It is due to be renovated within the next year, and we are currently collecting funds for this project.

Another wonderful option is to donate to the Reading Activity program at the Thomas Hooker School (138 Roger Williams Road, Bridgeport, CT 06610), where Doris read aloud to students up until her last few years. She touched many lives through this program.

 

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