Jenna Diane is a Westport mother. She facilitates support groups for mothers of children from birth to age 5, receiving early intervention services (Instagram: @uniquelymothering).
Jenna writes:
My son was 18 months old when my husband and I moved to Westport. Thoughts of him attending college ought to have been the last thing on my mind.
But while new moms around me were going on playdates and enjoying baby classes, I was at speech and occupational therapy sessions, hosting birth to 3 providers in my house, and trying to not be consumed with fear over what a “developmental delay” could mean for my toddler.
Like so many mothers of young children who do not present as typically developing or receive an early diagnosis, the vision of what I expected while I was expecting imploded — leaving me in a perpetual state of anxiety over the future.
As someone who was surrounded by people who attended well-known colleges all my life, I unconsciously assumed my child’s path would be similar to my own. But at barely 2 years old, my husband and I were presented with 3 options.
Our child would grow out of his delays. He could end up with a mild learning disability. Or the delays could turn into something more significant.
Would he be college-bound? Only time would tell.
It was a difficult journey processing that my family’s path to and through school could end up being different from all I had ever known. But in a strange twist, it was a gift to see the world through a new lens.
As I encountered mom chatter about all the sports their kids were signing up for or which preschoolers were reading at an early age, all I cared about was whether my son would have meaningful friendships, develop confidence and compassion for others, learn to think for himself, and become independent.
Those who are privileged to live in a town like Westport are well aware of the hyper-competitiveness that lurks beneath the surface, even at the earliest of ages.
Wealthy communities are socialized to see admittance to high-ranking schools as emblematic of higher intelligence, and subsequently a pathway towards a high paying career.
But this cycle foments crushing pressure onto parents and students, and one must wonder at what cost. In a New York Post article, Christopher Rom, CEO of Command Education, stated, “The emphasis on elite and Ivy schools has absolutely gone off the rails.” We all know what he is referring to.
The atrocities of October 7 unearthed another ugly reality about our classist educational system. While elite institutions have long been known as bastions of intellectual and rigorous think tanks, for its renowned research from the créme de la créme professors, and churning out the best and brightest graduates, the aftermath of those attacks shattered such illusions.
The hate-spewing college protests that arose the next day, the disturbing rise in campus antisemitism and harassment of Jewish students, proclamations from professors at places like Cornell and Columbia University praising Hamas’ heinous barbarism, and the disgraceful congressional testimonies of Harvard, Penn and MIT presidents should make everyone question the value of a degree from any of these schools today.
At the very least, it should propel every parent to reevaluate such an investment in future tuition and alumni giving.
Anti-Israel protest at Tulane University.
In a letter I sent to my alma mater a week later, I wrote: “It is disturbing to observe Columbia’s leaders being either weak, ignorant or heartless in turning their backs on a historically vulnerable and traumatized community. What does it say about the education Columbia is providing, the critical thinking skills you’re cultivating, and pursuit of human understanding when you have to shut down your campus due to safety concerns on the heels of the death, torture, rape, and kidnapping of 1,300 innocent civilians? What does it say about the mass numbers of Columbia University students who are unable to distinguish between terrorism and ‘resistance?’”
As a community, I hope we will seize this moment by taking a hard look at our educational goals and aspirations for our children.
I had to do that exercise when I least expected it. But if we take this unexpected moment in history to collectively wrestle with this question, Westport will be better for it.
The recent Newsweek article detailing the pernicious, antisemitic bullying that took place in one of our schools ought to be a wake-up call that we, as parents, must do better.
We have to return to the basics. Prioritize kindness, curiosity, tolerance, a growth mindset, and courage. Teach them more than ever before how to stand up to bullies and counter bias in all its forms, including antisemitism. Help them learn how to debate, search for nuance and understanding, but also to be forceful in distinguishing and calling out the difference between good and evil.
An Ivy League degree might get Westport students an impressive stamp on their resumé, but it will not produce the next generation of leaders that America and the world desperately needs. It is clear we cannot rely on the current educational system to be leaders on moral clarity. That responsibility falls uniquely and urgently on us.
Hmmmm; the mother of the 6yr old who shot his teacher is going to jail for leaving a gun where the kid could get it. Perhaps the parents of minors who spew religious or racial hatred should face charges as well…the kids didn’t become bigots, racists and haters without parental guidance in those directions. Let’s not transfer blame to the schools.
It’s possible the children may have good parents. Children are aware of internet stories and news media stories. Children watch television. They hear the former president repeat Adolph Hitlers words. They see a Jan 6 Trump supporter wearing a Camp Auschwitz tee shirt. They see another Trump supporter wearing a tee shirt 6 million is not enough. The local rabbis have said little to nothing in aware of about such symbols. The local churches have also been silent. The religious institutions in 06880 should jace been united to rally around decency and ethics. I attended a rally in Westport supporting Israel. One church leader was there. The USA is likely to elect a highly ignorant man that repeats Adolph Hitler words. Trump has refused to call out white supremacy. America loves Trump. Trump and his Republican Party refuse to call out his repetitive words of Adolph Hitler. Teachers and board members support Trump. The impact of Trump on our children is highly impactful. The kids see how a Trump is rewarded for his atrocities of speech. I recall the history of a lacrosse game in Westport where a Jewish player was shouted out with racial slurs. The local religious leaders were called and as I hopefully remember correctly decided no punishment necessary. Decency is missing in the USA and In our local communities. it’s time that all religious institutions unite to confront antisemitic behavior in 06880. In my view they are missing in action.
Agree, Richard.
Thanks.
the article calls for parents to wake up. Religious institutions in 06880 need to wake up
Please be heartened and hear what a local church congregation is hearing from the pulpit.
Please listen to the Reverend Jake Joseph’s sermon on December 17th.
Jake is a former Associate Regional Director, Connecticut Region for the Anti-Defamation League and he is a member of Fairfield’s First Church Congregational.
Rev. Jake Joseph| Hard Candy Christmas: Finding Joy in Bravery| Dec 17th, 2023
https://soundcloud.com/user-772284553?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing
thank you. I appreciate your info. I would like to see all the clergy in 06880 call for a public rally to renounce antisemitism.
Richard, what is your obsession with revolving everything around Trump? The left is no better than Trump right now. I’m no Trump fan and will never excuse his rhetoric and behavior, but for how long can you continue to make every situation (comment) about January 6th? And ignore the pro-terrorist protests that are pervasive in this country at the present moment, inspired by leftists? The woke left mob is just as big of a problem right now, and it’s important to call that out. The Squad is also rewarded for their antisemitic vitriol and blood libel. I would argue that the impact of THESE statements is more impactful on kids – just take one look at TikTok or Instagram, which is where kids are spending their free time these days. Many teachers and board members also support the Squad and take lesson plans directly from teach-ins and toolkits disseminated by organizations like SJP that have proven to be funded by terrorist $. If you’re going to relate every comment to the current state of American politics, do so accurately, understand Horseshoe Theory, and don’t act as if the left isn’t contributing to the problem and forcing many American Jews to reconsider their blind blue voting habits.
don’t take my word. Trumps own military appointed generals say Trump not the squad is the greatest threat to our democracy. Please contact the ADL and ask them if the rhetoric of bye squad who I dislike is equivalent to the rhetoric of a Trump. Please go on line and research what the ADL has said about Trump attacks on immigrants.
I refer all to the ADL article Jan 6. An Evolution of Hate and extremism.
Dana, if you think the “woke left” is just as dangerous as is Trump, your thought processes are simply not to be trusted in ANY area…no “woke left” agenda has “Coming after you” as a stated goal…no woke agenda intends to circumvent the Constitution…get your head on straight, Lady.
A typical entitled Westport liberal response. That if I don’t agree with you, I have my head on backwards. This kind of comment is why we are where we are politically in this country. Again, I will refer you back to Horseshoe Theory. A little research might do you some good.
The wife cheater was hated by those in the government in Palm Beach. Contractors wouldn’t do work for him unless they got paid upfront because he screwed so many financially! Remember “ there are good people on both sides.”
Jenna, I loved your commentary . I can relate to your parenting revelation . When we shift our expectations of and for our children, an entire world opens up to us , and in some ways , it is liberating. Moreover , I hope that these events since October 7th create a true reckoning both for all of us who have worshipped at their altars and for the institutions themselves . I know that I , for one , have already shifted my aspirations for the children in my family . I will never view the Ivy Leagues the same way again . They have work to do to regain my trust that they can educate our children to become informed citizens . Thank you for this thoughtful letter . God bless you and your family . I am glad you chose to live in Westport .
The influences on our children are so much bigger than a single person in the news or a single event. The more shocking and sensational a post or a news story, the more likely it is to go viral and be monetized. Some political and media personalities have mastered the formula. The economic model of digital media (most media) works against the ongoing efforts of our families and schools to teach respect or kindness. We have to discuss how hard it is for any one parent or school to counter the onslaught of hateful language coursing through the media eco-system. When our children are on YouTube or TikTok or Discord, they are constantly exposed to hateful, biased and dark content (anti-semitism, racism, anti-LGTBQ+, agism, misogyny). Do you see what your children see when they are online? The hateful content is packaged as funny, a meme or a short-video. Stereotypes are exaggerated. If we cannot see what is served to them, we have even more work to do to prepare them to question the content in advance. Our community has the opportunity to discuss how we counter these influences together – parent, community groups and schools – a united front against negativity, bias and hate. It is not only leading to children saying hateful things to each other, it is contributing to the decline in hopefulness, confidence and mental health of children. If the rhetoric is always negative about another child or group, it is corrosive in undermining how a child actually feels about themselves or their family. Let’s spend more time on owning the complexity of the problem and work together as a community on the solutions.
like Adolph Hitler?
Well stated! Momitoring social media content our children digest is KEY too!
So true, Joan! We must partner with our schools by ensuring our children consume truthful, unbiased, and healthy content. We now live in an age where our kids are not just learning from parents and schools, but also a vast digital universe filled with propaganda, hate, and inflammatory content often dressed as video games and chat sites.
Terrific editorial!!!
why r u blaming Trump for this. Typical for the left
I’ve never belonged to a political party! If you’re comfortable voting for a guy who slammed a woman against the wall and inserting his finger into her, and gets spanked by a hooker, then we think differently!
To Jack Backiel:
nobody voted for Hunter Biden he just came along with the package. but now that They know the above behaviors that you listed comes into the WH with Joe Biden, maybe they’ll not vote for The Biden Package Deal again, i.e.,
if the horrific results of Biden Admin INSISTING on releasing USA $6B to Iran (Hamas) doesn’t alone dissuade people fr voting for Biden, maybe the conduct of the Bidens in and using the White House – now that they’ve finally admitted “the laptops (with all you desc above going on and documented in photos on the laptops) are indeed Hunter Bidens’ – will ?
A bully should never ever be a leader of an entire nation. We will have disagreements about government, funding, and the family of the leader, but we should not disagree on the character of a leader.
Susan Farley, Read my first sentence again. I’ve never belonged to a political party. If Hunter is guilty, throw his drug addict ass in jail. Hunter isn’t running for President; the draft dodger who thinks General Milley should be executed and brags about forcibly sticking his tiny fingers into women is running for President!
The $6B you referenced never happened:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/10/12/iran-oil-fund-us-israel/
Why do you insist on polluting the very fine 06880 with misinformation?
Hunter Biden that’s the Republican solution to everything. THE guy has an addiction. He has bad behavior and likely criminal issues. That has nothing to do with the President. Nohing but crap. He offered to testify under oath in public. The repugnant party of over turning free elections refused to let Hunter testify in public. why ?Because they don’t care about the truth. The want to make up falsehoods like Cult Leader
Hunter Biden and his laptop. He replaced “Benghazi! Benghazi! Benghazi!”, which replaced “Hillary’s 30,000 emails” (Russia. Are you listening?), which replaced “lock her up”, which replaced “Pedophilia Pizza”, which replaced “repeal and replace Obamacare”, which replaced “the beautiful border wall which Mexico would pay for”, which replaced “birthergate”, etc…
Drums keep pounding rhythm to the brain, La-de-da-de-de, la-de-da-de-da.
Thank you. While there are many other influential inputs. It’s starts with parents.
Thank you. While there are many influential inputs as they grow, it starts with parents.
I know how to solve many of our young peoples’ problems- Get rid of their cell phones, or delete all social media!!! I have NO social media; that’s why I’m a stable genius!
Is Palestine not also “a historically vulnerable and traumatized community”? I don’t know how you can write an entire article about prioritizing kindness and not have empathy for what Palestinians are going through as well.
Way to go Dana! I read this article and I saw nothing about Trump or politics. Mr Fogel MADE it about Trump.
I learned common sense, kindness, morals and manners from my parents, Sunday school, PBS shows like Mr Rogers and Brownies & Girl Scouts. My Dad wanted us to develop our own mindset so he never told us how to think or who to vote for. He did request a conversation to see HOW we got to that decision .. but not to change it.
I graduated Coleytown Jr High & Staples and I remember feeling badly that I went to State University instead of a top 20 school like my friends and much of our Class. I wasn’t angry or jealous at others good fortune but I did feel like I let my parents down. So, I went to a better Graduate School later on.
I don’t remember, living in Long Island or Westport CT, in the 1960’s or 70’s, that there was a lot of antisemitism but maybe because I’m a Protestant and didn’t notice or because I lived in Jewish towns so there shouldn’t be antisemetic behavior. I see it A LOT now. It’s horrible what that boy said to his classmate (in another 06880 post) and no, the Westport School System didn’t
do anything really.
Tiktok and Instagram are largely to blame but parents need to have more conversations at the dinner table and schools need to punish bad behavior.
The top schools are now showing their true colors. I was taught to aspire to those schools. I’m really disgusted with the entire educational system in general and what they teach and what they don’t teach anymore. Stop donating money to those Universities is a start. Speak the truth and punish evil is another.
where do you think the child got the concept of Camp Auschwitz ?? What was the impetus for that slogan he shouted ?
I believe the latter was reported as being from SouthPark. Wouldn’t be surprising if the former also wasn’t uttered by Eric Cartman at some point. Of course, Cartman is an a******.
a Trump supporter wore the shirt on Jan 6. Trump refused to call out white supremacy. Fact check me and report the fact to 06880 please.
Robert Keith Packer is a Trump supporter who wore a Camp Auschwitz tee shirt to the riot to overthrow the USA free election. Packer was on camera and photographed. Many white supremacists and anti semitic hands like proud boy’s and oath keepers were there. Trump refused to call out these anti semitic groups. There was video and Photos of the camp Auschwitz tee shirt worn by the Trump antisemitic rioter. There was another Trump anti semitic rioter wearing a 6 million is not enough tee shirt with photos. Simple Google search will bring up these images. Children viewed these images. How anyone who represents decency can vote for a man who refused to call out the worst forms of anti semitism and reinar the words of Adolph Hitler is incomprehensible. Trumps immigrant wife Ivans was interviewed many years ago. in that interview she told the reporter that Trump owns a copy of a book with Hitlers speeches by his bed. fact check me. please.
Thank you, Jenna for these thoughtful and spot on observations. We have work to do, and we as parents must take responsibility for not only own own kids, but for one another’s as well.
So well stated!!! BRAVO!!! Let’s get to work! Get on your school’s DEI team to start!
I am confused how we live in a culture where one half of our society says we are too sensitive and can not take jokes, comedy, and bullying. The people screaming that we are too sensitive are the same people voting for a bully! A literal national bully! That national bully does indeed, without a shred of doubt, have an adverse affect on our children if parents do not teach that he is indeed a bully! Bullying is wrong people! Wrong! Just wrong! Our clean up of this mess is to also prevent a bully from taking the highest office in this land! We as Jews know the slogan, “ from the river to the sea” is also a threat to all Jews and should not be tolerated to be spewed in any school, college campus, college administrator or professor, and anyone in US government.
I’ve debated sharing the below letter and decided to do so in light of the above opinion and others similar to it (including my own). The following was written by a friend of mine on behalf of the Harvard Jewish Alumni and signed by many more people than the university’s faculty opinion. I can say with confidence (have seen previous drafts) that this is a compromise from its forceful first iteration. I’m sharing it partly because as far as I know it has not received the attention one would hope outside its own community, and because it may contribute to our conversation about the moral responsibilities of educational institutions:
“To the Harvard Community:
We, the undersigned Alumni, are writing to express our moral revulsion at the mass atrocities perpetrated by Hamas on Israeli civilians and our profound dismay at the failure of Harvard
University to condemn forcefully and swiftly these crimes against humanity.
The Harvard administration failed to express what should be an idea fundamental to all free and humane societies: that the massacre of civilians demands immediate and unequivocal
condemnation.
On October 7th, Hamas terrorists invaded the state of Israel with thousands of rocket strikes, through ground invasions, and with paratroopers. Hamas terrorists massacred concertgoers with machine gunfire and grenades, slaughtered children, burned people alive, raped women, and took hundreds of Israeli citizens and dozens of American citizens hostage, many of them children. Over a thousand Jewish people were murdered that day, the largest massacre of Jewish people since the Holocaust.
We have seen the footage of people fleeing for their lives as they are gunned down, bloodstained homes, the machine-gun riddled cars, the limbs of those massacred. These images capture violence beyond what the mind can comprehend.
And during this time the University’s official statement was silence. Even when student groups penned a letter calling Israel “solely responsible” and claiming these massacres to be “justified,” the University remained silent for days. In the absence of any official pronouncement to the contrary, these letters conveyed the implicit approval of a silent administration.
Our issue, as Alumni, is not with the students who expressed a viewpoint. Students should be able to speak freely and test their thoughts on the marketplace of ideas, ideally, with grace and with compassion for their peers. This free exchange is essential to collective growth and the pursuit of truth.
But it was incumbent on the administration to speak out against terrorism, especially when it has spoken clearly and forcefully on many recent geopolitical and political events.
All governments, including the government of the state of Israel, are and should be subject to legitimate criticism. Neither the decades-long Israel-Palestine conflict, nor the state of Israeli politics gives license to implicitly condone, or outright endorse, the mass murder of Jewish people. These terrorist attacks have been met with demonstrations of public approval and victim-blaming. This is antisemitism in its most blatant form. It is universally intuitive that any terrorist attack on any other country during any point in its history would not have been met with acclaim and calls for further violence perpetrated on its civilians. This is antisemitism plain as day.
So the alumni community is doing today what should have been done. The Harvard community is intergenerational and international. Our values are not limited in their expression by any administration. With alumni all over the world, we are a community that can speak democratically to condemn acts of terror and to reaffirm our belief in our collective humanity.
We champion and will continue to champion the rights of the Palestinians while simultaneously condemning the mass atrocities committed on Jewish citizens by Hamas. Civilians, Palestinian and Israeli, especially children, must be protected as the Israel-Hamas war continues in Gaza.
As always, we remain committed to supporting the moral character of our University and to furthering a more peaceful world.”
(I should have noted that the above letter was written in mid-October, and the group has since sent stronger statements asking for stronger commitments from the Administration.)
Let me defend Columbia, my alma mater. Certainly the school has a lot of aplogizing to do. Under Nicholas Murray Butrler, maybe the greatest college president there ever was but an anti-semite, a Jewish quota was imposed and not lifted until 1962. Jewish services were not permitted on campus.
That ha long changed. The majority of professors I had in psychology were Jewish. There is a student run kosher deli and full kosher meals are available across the street at Barnard. There is an Orthodox and non-Orthodox Jewish chaplain. There are 3 Orthodox services a day and multiple services on the Jewish sabbath, and communal sabbath meals And there are joint-degree programs with the Jewish Theological Seminary.
Columbia has had a Jewish president, while Barnard, founded by a Jewish woman, has had several.
A few anti-semites shouldn’t undo the overwhelming acceptance Columbia gives Jewish students.
A heartfelt expression. Your life experience is very different from mine, so I have learned a lot here. But we have come to exactly the same conclusion: Parents matter. There is no blaming social media or television or poor role models because those are the influences in which parents must be unabashedly present. And when parents are not present, for whatever reason, society must find ways to support children through it. We are all parents in this regard.
you can have excellent patenting school and a dysfunctional child external factors affect children differently
not school. sorry. skill