Delilah Berniker is a sophomore at Staples High School. She has lived in Westport since 2016.
She plays JV soccer and lacrosse; is a member of Student Council, an editor of the school’s Soundings literary magazine, and will soon be co-president of Circle of Friends, where she works with students with special needs. In her free time Delilah loves to draw, paint, take photos and write poetry.
She is also a very talented writer. Today, she says:
Unlike many Westport parents, mine did not pressure me about academics when I was younger.
Delilah Berniker
So when freshman year at Staples came along, I had no idea what I was getting into. It felt like everyone got a memo that I missed — the one that told them to “join as many clubs as possible,” add maximum “rigor” to their schedules, become president of a club by junior year, and at a bare minimum have at least the next 7 years of their life planned out by the time they turn 14.
Am I the only one who didn’t know high school is more about college than it is about high school?
While I don’t blame my parents, I feel naive for listening to them when they told my anxious middle school self “it will all work out,” and I should just go to sleep early.
Now, not only am I catching up on sleep, but I feel like I’m catching up on at least 2 years of intensive PSAT prep, creating new math proofs, publishing my latest philosophical theories, and starting a non-profit.
Don’t get me wrong: I love Staples, and I am invigorated by the different classes and clubs offered. My issue is not lacking interests, it’s having too many. Even after 2 years of scrambling for leadership roles and scribbling my name down on every club sign-up sheet, I still feel lost within the chaos of this high school marathon.
My classmates, painted as competitors, are all rushing to fill the idealistic mold of a college applicant: stacking extracurriculars, joining more clubs, and constantly wondering what more they should be doing. This pressure on our shoulders becomes increasingly heavier as we squish ourselves to fit the narrow definition of success now engraved in our brains.
It wasn’t until recently, as I approach the end of sophomore year, that I realized, within this race to build my perfect academic picture, I have lost sight of my interests.
In fact, I don’t think I’ve had the chance to fully discover them. I’ve been so overwhelmed with what others are doing and what everyone tells me I am supposed to be doing, I haven’t given myself enough room to think of other paths.
I realized I was doing the wrong things by trying to do the right things.
My name was on the roster for multiple clubs, my schedule was full, but I wasn’t invested in anything I was doing. In some cases (like mine) it takes a Debate Club meeting to realize that you may be in the wrong room — and you never wanted to be there in the first place.
A common misconception students have is that there is only one definition, or one path to success. What I’ve started to understand is that it is impossible to find success when you have yet to find passion.
When we focus so much on what we feel like we’re “supposed” to do in order to stand out, we end up following the same 2-dimensional checklist. In that process, we lose something deeper: the space to actually figure out what matters to us.
The truth is, the people who seem like they have everything figured out often don’t.
Declaring your future at 14 doesn’t mean you’ve discovered your passion — it often just means you’ve chosen a path that feels acceptable. I love art, writing, and everything creative, but I’ve been afraid to lean into that because “unless you’re applying to art school, it’s a waste of time.”
What will colleges think about art, and a literary magazine?
I’ve learned that the most valuable accomplishments are ones that stem from passion and consistency. What makes you stand out cannot solely live on an application in a maximum of 200 words. It exists in the things you care about enough to keep showing up for, even when they don’t “count.”
I know a certain amount of external expectations and pressure are necessary to push myself, but I will no longer fall victim to the assumption that there is only one way to succeed in high school.
In trying so hard to build something impressive, it is easy to forget to build something real. Focus on finding your passion, and the rest of the checklist will fill itself in from there.
Passion cannot be manufactured. And passion is never a waste of time.
(“Students Speak” is a regular “06880” feature. Any student living or studying in Westport or Weston can submit a piece. Email 06880blog@gmail.com. To support this local blog, click here.)
