Alert “06880” reader Nathalie Jacob writes:
I have been disabled for 8 years. Before that, I did not have much knowledge or awareness about the different types of disabilities.
For the first time since I became disabled, these last months I’ve had 2 people in Westport come up to me at different times when I’m parking in a disabled spot, with my disabled parking permit hanging, to say “Hey, you’re not disabled!”
I politely answered, “Yes, I am. And you can see my disabled parking permit hanging in the car.” One man insisted, “No, you’re not.” Then he laughed, thinking he was being sort of funny.
The second person was a woman. She said, “But you look so normal, young, healthy and fit. You can’t be disabled!”
After explaining to them that I don’t need to share my medical records, I decided to explain why I am disabled. Once they heard the reason, they understood and apologized. They felt terrible after hearing the story.
I want to take this opportunity to remind people that not all disabilities come with a wheelchair. There are many different types.
None of us chose to be disabled. It’s a sensitive topic for us. Being disabled is probably the biggest trauma in my life. Having strangers laugh or diminish this is painful. Please be kind to us. We have been through enough.
Saying things like “you don’t look disabled” or “you look normal” doesn’t make us feel better. It actually makes us feel worse. Comments like those come from a good place — but they don’t work.
If you don’t know the person, don’t say anything. If you do know the person, just listen to them. There’s no need to reply.
There’s no need to tell us we “look normal” when we know we are not. It’s not a compliment.
It’s not easy to post this. But by sharing my story, I might help you all understand a little about how we feel.
#invisibledisability #partiallyblind #braintumorawareness
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The intent of the handicap parking permit was to provide physically disabled people closer to the entrance. Not intended for people with depression or other mental problems. Perhaps those people shouldn’t be driving anyway. Mental problems result in bad decisions and we don’t need anymore of them on our roads. Many times we have all wondered when we see a person bounce out of their car and run into a store. The abuses of this privilege ( not a right) are an everyday occurrence. I have seen many of these people displaying a sticker several years expired. So I understand why some question the validity.
Totally agree. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to park next to the entrance of a store because it’s too much of a burden to cross a parking lot, but yet they’re able to walk around Costco, Stop & Shop, WalMart, etc.? Handicap spots should be for people in wheelchairs only, just like the image depicted on the sign.
Also, regarding the message below about not remembering where you parked as a reason for having a handicap spot. Lots of people don’t remember where they parked, myself included. That’s why when I leave my car at the airport or in a garage, I take a picture of where I parked. Also, large garages have multiple handicap sections, so you still need to remember which floor you left it on.
Dan, This article is so me. I, too, have “an invisible” disability. Mine is memory-related. I have a handicap parking permit because I cannot remember where my car is parked. There were countless number of times when I would forget where my car was parked in large medical parking garages, Home Depot, Stop & Shop, etc. I am, otherwise in good physical condition & “dont look the part”. That said, I would immediately give up the spot to someone who is more physically disadvantaged. Thx for sharing. Doug
In CT, the first requirement for getting a handicap placard for your car is the inability to walk 200ft without rest. There are many invisible handicaps that could cause a young and able-appearing person not to be able to walk that far or to cause severe pain or fatigue:
Cancer
Severe arthritis conditions
Severe autoimmune disorders
Multiple sclerosis
CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome)
Fibromyalgia
CFS/ME (chronic fatigue syndrome/myalgic encephalomyelitis)
Lupus
Neurological diseases
Sjogren’s syndrome
Lyme disease
Ehlers-Danlos syndromes
Certain spinal injuries or conditions
Traumatic brain injury
Complications from stroke
and many more.
Close parking can make the difference in being able to buy groceries or run another basic errand without complete exhaustion. It is not our job to judge whether or not someone is disabled enough to need a handicap placard. That is between them and their doctor.
I too unfortunately am a member of this group. However, I would not have been able to so eloquently have answered as this person has. Thank you, for such a great service to educate our Community.
Thank you Natalie for bringing this to my attention. I’d not considered much of what you’ve brought to our attention. Reminding me of two things today, what we think and what we see might not be accurate and why not give people the benefit of the doubt and not stand firm in our judgements and I’ll add a third, we learn by asking questions so why not ask before judging another. I’ve learned so much today because someone asked you – and you thought to open up to them and to us.
I have Disabled Veteran license plates on my car .. Many Nosey people have questioned my handicap parking , especially at Trader Joes , and the Stop & Shop .. My reply is this ..If you must know if I’m really disabled , then pease read my license plates .. I’m a Disabled Veteran with major health issues .. Sometimes I add the words A-Hole in my reply if they deserve it .. lol
Thank you for opening up. I never said anything to someone that looked healthy but always wondered.
What an important and sensitive statement to make, that not all people who are disabled look disabled. In 2003 I got a raging leg infection that led o cellulitis and a lot of pain. It took three courses of antibiotic pills and a 3-day stay in a hospital but it finally healed. Three doctors from four hospitals including the one I had been a patient in declared me disabled. They said I was at risk for coming down with life-threatening infections and I had to leave the workforce. To anyone I would look and sound normal and have no trouble seeing, hearing, or walking, but that wouldn’t change my condition. Please, people. Do not make snide remarks or give disabled people that certain look, and if you are “normal,” be glad you are.