Tag Archives: John Dodig

New Staples Principal Named

當然有斯台普斯高中沒有新校長。教育委員會仍在尋找之一。今天是4月1日你是一個很容易上當的愚人節。

Конечно, нет никакой новой директором Staples High School.Совет по образованию по-прежнему ищет для одного. Сегодня 1 апреля Вы очень доверчивы первоапрельская.

بالطبع ليس هناك مدير جديد للستابلز في مدرسة ثانوية. مجلس التربية والتعليم ما زال يبحث عن واحدة. اليوم هو شهر أبريل 1. أنت كذبة السذج جدا ابريل نيسان.

Isi John Dodig ga-akwụsị a June.

Isi John Dodig ga-akwụsị a June.

Φυσικά, δεν υπάρχει καμία νέα αρχή της Staples Γυμνάσιο. Το Διοικητικό Συμβούλιο της Παιδείας είναι ακόμα ψάχνουν για ένα. Σήμερα είναι η 1η Απριλίου Είστε ένας πολύ αφελείς Πρωταπριλιά.

כמובן שאין מנהל חדש של בית ספר תיכון סטייפלס.מועצת החינוך עדיין מחפשת אחד. היום הוא 1 באפריל אתה אחד באפריל מאוד פתי.

ඇත්ත ස්ෙට්පල් උසස් පාසලේ නව විදුහල්පති පවතී. අධ්යාපන මණ්ඩලය තවමත් එක් සඳහා සොයමින් සිටී. අද දින ඔබ ඉතා රැවටිය අප්රේල් මෝඩයාගේ වේ අප්රේල් 1. වේ.

Kumene kulibe latsopano yaikulu ya zakudya zamtundu High School. Komiti ya Education akadali kufunafuna. Lero ndi April 1. Inu ndinu kwambiri amangokhulupirira April wakupupwa.

Wrth gwrs mae yna cyfarwyddwr newydd o Ysgol Uwchradd Staples. Y Bwrdd Addysg yn dal i chwilio am un. Mae heddiw yn Ebrill 1’re ffwl hygoelus iawn Ebrill.

Staples High School se toujou pou chèche yon direktè lekòl la.

Staples High School se toujou pou chèche yon direktè lekòl la.

Auðvitað er engin helsta ný af Staples High School. Stjórn Menntun er enn að leita fyrir einn. Í dag er 1. apríl Þú ert mjög gullible fífl apríl.

Natürlich gibt es keine neuen Rektor der Staples High School. Das Board of Education ist immer noch auf der Suche nach einem. Heute ist der 1. April Du bist ein sehr leichtgläubig Aprilscherz.

Naturalmente non vi è nuovo preside di Staples High School. Il Board of Education è ancora alla ricerca di uno. Oggi è il 1 aprile Sei un pazzo molto credulone aprile.

Bien sûr, il ne est pas nouveau directeur de Staples High School. Le Conseil de l’éducation est toujours à la recherche pour un. Aujourd’hui, ce est Avril 1. Vous êtes un imbécile très crédules Avril.

Por supuesto no hay un nuevo director de la Escuela Secundaria de Staples. La Junta de Educación aún está buscando una. Hoy es 1 de abril Eres un tonto de abril muy crédulo.

Pedro Da Silva’s Legacy

Two years ago — as a Central High School sophomore — Pedro Da Silva heard an announcement about Open Choice.

“I think I was the only one who listened,” he says, referring to the lottery that brings Bridgeport students to Westport.

Though he was in Central’s magnet school program, Pedro wanted more. “It was a tough environment to learn in,” he explains.

He was accepted. Even before his 1st day as a Staples High School junior, he noticed a difference.

Staples sealWhile registering for classes, guidance counselor Deb Slocum  “ran over the entire building, looking for an AP US History textbook for me,” Pedro says. “She went to such a huge extent to help.”

When school began, he noticed a great academic difference. He had to drop a couple of AP and Honors classes. Even so, he struggled to keep up.

“In Contemporary World Issues they were talking about the Ottoman Empire,” Pedro recalls. “I had no idea what that was.”

He wrote down everything that was unfamiliar. At home each night, he researched what he did not know.

The first month was tough. Fortunately, Pedro found his new classmates very friendly. “I thought they might be snobby,” he says. “But everyone was so nice. I noticed the atmosphere immediately. It’s so warm and inviting. Mr. Dodig (the principal) has built such an accepting school.”

Joining Staples Players and Choir helped too. “At Staples you’re not judged for liking the arts,” he says with relief.

Pedro Da Silva, standing proudly at Staples.

Pedro Da Silva, standing proudly at Staples.

Pedro acted in “Thoroughly Modern Millie,” and last year’s One-Act Festival. Next month, he’s directing a One-Act. In the winter he’s on the swim team. He’s vice president of the St. Jude’s Charity Club.

Now — as he prepares to graduate in June — Pedro wants to do one more thing.

He wants to leave a legacy.

Through a college application Facebook group, he met a boy in Kansas. “He lives in an area like Fairfield County, where some communities are much more affluent than others,” Pedro says. His friend created an inter-district student government. Each school sends 2 representatives. They meet monthly, sharing ideas about connecting their schools while breaking down barriers and social stereotypes.

Pedro would love to do the same thing with Westport, Fairfield and Bridgeport.

“Stereotypes are not real,” he notes. “There are really nice people everywhere.”

Central HSWhen Pedro announced he was leaving Central, his Bridgeport friends warned him that Westport kids could be snobs. Staples students have their own ideas about Bridgeport students.

“We’re all just teenagers going through the same issues,” Pedro says. “We should be able to advocate together, and learn from each other.”

Pedro has already made a start. He’s brought Central friends here, to see Players shows. Now, he’s talking to Dodig and the Student Assembly to move his idea forward.

Meanwhile, he’s waiting to hear back from colleges. And he’s gearing up for his senior internship, at the Southwest Regional Mental Health Board in Norwalk.

Pedro will leave Staples with many good friends, wonderful memories, and an important lesson.

“No matter who you are, or what your background is, you can excel,” he says. “At Staples, I’ve been able to set my sights high, and learn how to accomplish as much as I can.”

Honoring John Dodig: The Best Way Possible

The other day, John Dodig bought a lottery ticket. If he won, he thought to himself, his first act would be donating $20 million to Staples Tuition Grants.

Odds are, he won’t win. But I bet he’s thrilled at this news: The organization is naming an award in his honor.

Now it’s up to the Dodig’s many fans to get the scholarship as close to $20 million as we can.

John Dodig -- a Superfan of Staples -- has many fans throughout the community.

John Dodig — a Superfan of Staples — has many fans throughout the community. (Photo/Susan Woog Wagner)

When the Staples High School principal announced he will retire in June, Lee Saveliff and Kate Andrews had the same reaction as many Westporters: great sadness.

But as former PTA presidents, now Tuition Grants donor co-chairs, they knew of Dodig’s great fondness for, and support of, the organization.

They asked if he’d be comfortable with a new award, named in his honor. The criteria: 1 boy and 1 girl each year, who are outstanding citizens, active in Staples activities and volunteerism, known to be caring, open-minded and willing to accept others.

Dodig was honored to be honored.

“There is no better investment than in education,” Dodig says.

“But not everyone — even in Westport — can afford it. Staples Tuition Grants does a fantastic job. Every June, at the awards ceremony, we hear from a speaker whose life was changed by a grant.

“Now, every year when this award is announced, it will be a way for people to remember that education is so important to me.”

Each year, Staples Tuition Grants helps dozens of Staples seniors and graduates attend college.

Each year, Staples Tuition Grants helps dozens of Staples seniors and graduates attend college.

Saveliff and Andrews agree. “This grant will represent John for years to come. It reflects the kind of person he is, and the legacy he leaves behind. It’s one way to recognize him for his years of service, and thank him for all he has done for our Staples students, families, faculty and staff.”

Funding the John M. Dodig Award is harder than simply buying a lottery ticket. Fortunately, it’s easier than actually winning the lottery.

It takes donations. You have to click on the website, or mail a check to Staples Tuition Grants, PO Box 5159, Westport, CT 06881-5159.

But that’s all it takes — a minute or two, max.

Staples Tuition Grants new logoThink how much John Dodig has given this community — and us, individually. Think how important Staples Tuition Grants is to him. To the awardees. To all of us.

So let’s do what we can to make the John M. Dodig Award the biggest of all 100-plus grants each year.

We may not be able to hit a Powerball-winning figure. But what about setting a goal for 2 full scholarships each year?

That’s very ambitious. Then again, John Dodig has always encouraged all of us to aim high, and reach our potential. This is the least we can do, to honor him.

(To contribute to the John M. Dodig Award, click here or mail a check to Staples Tuition Grants, Box 5159, Westport, CT 06881-5159.)

Breaking News — John Dodig To Retire As Staples Principal

After 11 years at the helm — and a tenure in which he has left an indelible mark on Staples High School as a caring, compassionate, energetic and enthusiastic leader — principal John Dodig is retiring.

The 70-year-old educator made the announcement a few minutes ago to his staff, and followed up with an email sent to all Staples parents. Dodig wrote:

All good things must come to an end at some point in time. That time now has come for me. I will retire from this wonderful position as principal of Staples High School at the end of the current school year.

John Dodig

John Dodig

I came to Staples 11 years ago thinking that I would remain for only 1 year while the superintendent of schools and a committee found a permanent principal.

Several months into the position I realized that this was a community in which I had longed to work, and a high school I wanted to lead for several years. Something intangible about the people I met told me that my message of love and acceptance would be not only accepted, but embraced. What a great reading of a community that turned out to be for me.

All of my travels to over 50 countries and my experiences as a teacher in an urban environment, an assistant principal in an affluent suburb and then, a principal in several other communities, helped me understand who I am, what my beliefs are, and what I believe a public high school should and can be.

I spent a few months at Staples and quickly realized that scholarship was supported by everyone, but what was needed was a leader who was not afraid to use the word “love” out loud when speaking about students. It seemed clear to me that Westport and Staples were where I should live and spend the last part of my professional life. I took a chance by applying for the position, and the Board of Education and superintendent of schools took a chance on hiring me.

John Dodig goes to great lengths to show his love for Staples. A few years ago, golf captain Dylan Murray duct-taped his principal to the wall, for a fundraiser.

John Dodig goes to great lengths to show his love for Staples. A few years ago, golf captain Dylan Murray duct-taped his principal to the wall, for a fundraiser.

In this message, I want to take the opportunity to thank all the parents in Westport who have supported me over the past 11 years; the teachers, school counselors and other support staff who have embraced my feelings about high school students, and the administrators who have shared my vision. This very professional team at Staples has made my vision of high school come true.

My 4 assistant principals are all loving people who understand young men and women. I think what I provided for them was the message that it was OK to use the word “love,” or some other form of the word, when working with teenagers who make mistakes.

Suspending a student for a rules infraction is part of the job. Letting those students know that it is their poor decision and behavior that is being punished, and not the individual, is not something most administrators are able to say. It takes courage and confidence to send that message. These 3 men and 1 woman have both.

Without them working with our students every day over 4 years, guiding them, supporting them, helping them resolve problems and stay focused on what is important in the long term, Staples could not provide the nurturing environment that it does. These assistant principals truly take on the role of parent while our students are in school. I cannot thank them enough.

It has been an absolute joy to lead this high school these past 11 years. It is the capstone of my career and something I will never forget.

John Dodig -- principal and proud Staples supporter.

John Dodig — principal and proud Staples supporter.

I was interviewed on television earlier this year about my career, and was asked if there was a teacher who influenced me in a positive way. I immediately said that Mr. Wilner, my 4th and 5th grade teacher in Queens, NY was that person. It wasn’t what he taught us, but the connection he made with all of us that was so powerful. He liked me and I liked him. I’m sure every student in that class would say the same thing.

That connection he made with me has been my guide for the past 60 years. At the end of the interview I said that I hope that I will be someone’s Mr. Wilner. I
hope that many years from now, some Staples grad will look back and say that I helped her or him in a positive way.

Thank you for your support.

John Dodig will join James Calkins in history as one of Staples’ transformational principals. Both used the word “love” with pride. In the turbulent 1960s — while other high schools imploded — Calkins steered Staples with strength and resolve.

In the 2000s — an era filled with enormous pressures, high student stress, and the insane demands of No Child Left Behind and the Common Core — Dodig kept Staples’ very high academic, artistic and athletic standards, while transforming it into a school that students genuinely love.

Teenagers feel safe and accepted at Staples. They know they are nurtured and cared for there. And they thrive.

That will be John Dodig’s greatest legacy of all.

John Dodig Lauded By Lambda

Fifteen years ago, Fairfield High School principal John Dodig made a life-changing decision.

“I decided I’d no longer hide who I am,” he says. “At the same time, I knew I wanted to be known not as ‘the gay principal,’ but as a principal who cares about all kids, and happens to be gay.”

That decision, he says, allowed him to create a school environment in which he hopes every student feels comfortable in his or her own skin. “Many — if not most — people carry scars from high school or middle school forever,” Dodig says. “I don’t think that has to be the case.”

John Dodig

John Dodig

Dodig retired from Fairfield High in 2003. Soon, he was named interim principal of Staples. He liked the staff, students, parents and Westport community so much, he applied for the permanent position. The Board of Education did not interview anyone else.

In 11 years at the helm, Dodig has directed much of his attention to what he calls “the affective domain.” Staples has always had high academic standards. Concentrating on the social and emotional aspects components of the school, he says, allows everyone to create an environment in which all teenagers feel welcome. And that, he notes, helps them perform at their best academically.

Dodig’s work has drawn praise from fellow administrators, staff members, students and parents. Now it’s gotten the attention of Lambda Legal. On Sunday, October 26 (12 p.m., Mitchells of Westport), the human rights organization’s Connecticut chapter will honor the principal for his impact on thousands of students, over his 45-year career as an educator.

“John leads by example and strength of character,” says Staples graduate Adam Stolpen, who nominated Dodig for the award.

At Staples, Dodig has created a warm, supportive environment in many ways. At nearly every faculty meeting, he stresses the importance that teaching “chemistry, US history or whatever” is not all that matters. “Each of us has to support, care and love everyone else,” he says.

John Dodig -- principal and proud Staples supporter.

John Dodig — principal and proud Staples supporter.

He is a ubiquitous presence, standing in the front hallway as students begin the day and in the cafeteria during the 3 lunch waves. He knows most students by name. He congratulates them on their athletic, artistic, academic or extracurricular achievements. They, in turn, approach him to mention an interesting class discussion, suggest a possible improvement in school life, or congratulate him on his recent marriage.

For a school of 1900 students, the incidence of name-calling is low. Many students “have bought into the message that in this high school, you should be free to be who you are,” Dodig says.

Not all do, of course. But those who don’t “know that it’s socially inappropriate to put someone down for who they are.

“Our culture  is visible every moment school is in session,” Dodig says. “It starts at the top. If a principal is mean or nasty, that trickles down to everyone. If the message is to help kids navigate high school with as few scars as possible, that trickles down too.”

At graduation, many students ask to pose for photos with their principal. In 2013, John Dodig stood with departing senior August Laska.

At graduation, many students ask to pose for photos with their principal. In 2013, John Dodig stood with departing senior August Laska.

Dodig is proud of the many small ways his message trickles down. On the 1st day of school this year, for example, he addressed all 4 classes separately about Staples’ culture. He followed with an email to parents, suggesting they talk with their kids to see how that message was received.

One parent responded with a story about her sophomore son. He didn’t think he could make it to the end of his cross country run, but an upperclassman stopped, asked what was wrong, and finished the course with him.

The next day, the mother said, her son saw a freshman in the same situation. This time the sophomore was the one who stopped, talked, and ran with his teammate to the end.

Dodig is proud too of the many emails he’s received from parents, saying that at Staples their child felt empowered to come out as gay.

Lambda LegalThat makes his Lambda Legal award particularly important. The decision he made 15 years ago has paid off in countless ways, for thousands of students. Dodig has impacted them, and they in turn have impacted many others.

Even those who — unlike everyone at Staples — have no idea who John Dodig is, and what he stands for.

(Click on the Lambda Legal website for tickets to Dodig’s award ceremony.)

Yik Yak: The Bad, The Ugly — And The Good

Last Thursday, for a few gruesome hours, Yik Yak swept through Staples High School.

For those who haven’t heard of it — and count yourselves lucky — Yik Yak is an app that allows anyone to post short messages.

Yik YakUnlike Twitter though, users are anonymous. And messages can be viewed only in a 1.5-mile radius. So each Yik Yak group is limited to a precise area — say, a school.

Which makes it fertile ground for gross, moronic comments about classmates, teachers and administrators.

Most of Thursday’s posts were astonishingly misogynistic. Others targeted blacks, Hispanics, Jews and gays.

Yik Yak offered a very disturbing look into the dark underbelly of the adolescent world. It’s a view adults seldom see.

Stuff that in the past appeared only on bathroom walls now infests cyberspace. Yet unlike graffiti, Yik Yak’s posts replicate virally. And unlike graffiti, they can’t be erased.

One of the milder posts on Yik Yak. (Not from the Staples version.)

One of the milder posts on Yik Yak. (Not from the Staples version.)

Several students — stunned at what they read about themselves — left class crying. Girls learned they are considered sluts, or obese pigs. Boys were threatened with violence because they are perceived to be gay. Principal John Dodig — who for 10 years has tried to create a safe, welcoming environment for all — was mocked too.

Dodig moved quickly, asking the IT staff to block the site. Soon, superintendent of schools Elliott Landon got Yik Yak to erect a “geo-fence” around it, blocking access in school. (Officials in other Fairfield County towns — and the city of Chicago — have done the same.)

Yik Yak disableBy Friday morning, Yik Yak was gone. The damage lived on though, in the form of students who were mortified to learn what others thought of them. Some did not want to come to school. Tears, humiliation, even terror continued over the weekend for some.

But this story is not about the hateful, incendiary comments some Stapleites — how many is unclear — posted about their classmates, teachers and administrators.

It’s about what happened afterward.

anti-bullyingDodig left school Thursday “disappointed and somewhat depressed.” His decade of work — trying to build a climate of inclusiveness and kindness, a school free of harassment for any reason — seemed to have crumbled.

On Friday he was scheduled for a meeting elsewhere. But he wanted to be visible. So between every class period, he stood in the halls. At lunch, he was near the cafeteria.

All day long, students approached him. Singly or in small groups, they spoke.

“I’m sorry we disappointed you.” “This isn’t who we are.” “You must feel terrible.” “This is an awesome school.” “I apologize on behalf of my classmates.”

Over and over and over again, Staples students did the right thing.

Driving home that afternoon, Dodig says, “I felt so much better. To see so many of these kids with the courage and strength of character to say this to their principal — it was very encouraging and reaffirming.”

John Dodig is a "superfan" of Staples students.

John Dodig is a “superfan” of Staples students.

Dodig’s mission as Staples principal is to try to make all 1,900 students feel known and loved, by at least one adult. He’s tried to provide a safe, warm and encouraging space for every single boy or girl who comes through the doors every morning.

The vile posts on Yik Yak last Thursday devastated him. The counter-response on Friday made him realize the positive effect he’s had on many.

Yet more work remains to be done. Dodig has encouraged his staff to continue to try to end harassment and bullying, whenever and wherever it occurs. He hopes parents, clergy and other adults in Westport will continue to do the same.

He knows it’s not easy.

And he knows that Yik Yak is not the end of the battle.

“There will always be some technology available that kids misuse,” Dodig says.

Hopefully, there will also be many more kids who — as they did last Friday — know good from evil, and right from wrong. And are not afraid to do the right thing.

(Staples senior Will Haskell — president of Staples Players — has written a brutally honest and spectacularly insightful piece, for New York Magazine. It was published earlier this afternoon on their website. Click here for an insider’s account of the havoc Yik Yak wrought.)  

Mourning With The Class Of 2011

The death of Michael Goodgame last Friday was the latest tragedy for Staples High School’s Class of 2011.

In less than a year, they’ve lost 3 classmates: Michael, Andrew Accardi and Ali Mirza.

Staples principal John Dodig shares the pain of the class that graduated less than 3 years ago. Today, he wrote this note to the class of ’11. He has no direct way of contacting those 1800 young people, but perhaps by social media — and “06880” — his words will reach them. And reach others also, in other Staples classes, who have lost friends and loved ones, far too soon.

Dear members of the Class of 2011:

Most of you know that Michael Goodgame was killed in a terrible auto accident near his college. Terrible weather created hazardous road conditions, resulting in an accident that took Michael’s life, and the lives of 2 friends and classmates.

Andrew Accardi

Andrew Accardi

I was reminded that 2 other members of your class have passed away since graduating from Staples: Ali Mirza and Andrew Accardi. Even to someone like me, who has spent 43 years working with teenagers in both urban and suburban high schools, losing this many young people from one class is extraordinary.

I hope that one of the things about your experience at Staples that you will continue to remember is our emphasis on being kind to one another. Although I know I cannot mandate kindness and acceptance of difference, I have made an effort to make my beliefs known whenever I meet with groups of students, and almost every time I write to parents. One of the hallmarks of our school is that most students can spend 4 years here, find themselves, perhaps find and/or nurture a passion for something, and navigate high school life relatively unscathed. Nothing is perfect, but I continue to marvel at Staples students who tell me that they enjoy being here.

Ali Mirza

Ali Mirza

Michael, Andrew and Ali were all very different. They are all remembered, however, for the same thing by the adults in our building. They were all kind, caring, giving young men who contributed in their own way to the positive school environment I described above. I have no answer to those who ask me “why” they died. If asked, I can answer the question “what did they contribute to Staples?” That is what I focus upon when I think of these 3 young men.

I am writing to you because I felt that you may need to know that the adults in your high school remember you and share your pain and loss. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better. Losing a friend and member of this class is painful. It simply has to be processed until it no longer occupies your thoughts every waking moment. Eventually, you will file the feeling and memories in a place in your brain where you can retrieve them at will. With social media and your yearbook you will always remember each young man’s face, his smile, what he was involved at school, and what his dreams were. Relish those memories, and share them with others when appropriate.

I am truly sorry that you have to bear this pain and sadness. I want you to know that we are thinking of you.

Michael Goodgame

Michael Goodgame

Spectacular Student Challenge Seeks Special Donors

For the past 4 years, Staples High School students rose to the challenge of solving real-world problems, in real meaningful ways.

In 2010 they figured out how to make Westport a greener community. The next year, it was solving the obesity crisis. Then came a redesign of Staples itself, to prepare teenagers to be true global citizens. Last year, students helped the region prepare for — and recover from — future hurricanes.

These were not school assignments. They were problems students volunteered for. Working in teams of 4 and 5, they tackled them for 12 hours straight — from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. On a Saturday or Sunday.

Kids these days!

In 2010, Emily Cooper and Rachel Myers used laptops and food to help make Westport a greener community. (Photo/Julia McNamee)

In 2010, Emily Cooper and Rachel Myers used laptops and food to help make Westport a greener community. (Photo/Julia McNamee)

The event — the Staples Spectacular Student Challenge — is actually far harder than my brief explanations above. The question is not revealed until the moment the contest begins. There’s tons of background, and lots of layers. The obesity question, for example, demanded research into causes, an understanding of societal impact, insights into future trends — plus the creation of a persuasive campaign, a “pitch,” and a research report convincing Westport to follow a healthy lifestyle plan.

Each team was judged on creativity and data analysis. Information had to be well organized, and bibliographically cited.  Visual and multi-media aids were strongly encouraged.

This was education at its finest: Students applied their learning across a wide variety of disciplines to solve open-ended, thought-provoking, real-world challenges. They had to research, analyze, synthesize data — and there were infinite shades of gray.

An all-junior team of (from left) Jack Cody, Baxter Stein, Katie Zhou, Melissa  Beretta and Max Liben take a well-deserved break.

An all-junior team of (from left) Jack Cody, Baxter Stein, Katie Zhou, Melissa Beretta and Max Liben took a well-deserved break last year.

Thanks to the generosity of donors like the Gudis Foundation, Melissa and Doug Bernstein, the Sylvan Learning Center and Green Village Initiative, prize money (used for college scholarships) reached $14,500.

But unless principal John Dodig — who founded the contest, and spearheaded its growth — can find new donors, Staples’ Spectacular Student Challenge will end.

“We are grateful to parents and organizations that have stepped up with generous donations over the years,” Dodig said. “But we should not have to rely on the same few people. I hoped that over time this would be seen as an asset and direct benefit to the business community in Westport. This event is, to me, a concrete example of what we want all high school graduates to be able to do when they become adults and enter the workplace.”

Dodig needs sponsors for the 2014 Spectacular Student Challenge — set for next month. Interested donors can contact him directly: jdodig@westport.k12.ct.us; 203-341-1201.

That’s this year’s challenge.

(To read more about previous Spectacular Student Challenges, click the topic: hurricanes, 21st-century education, obesity, greener Westport.)

“You Have No Idea What It’s Like To Be A Girl”

Most “Principal’s Notes,” in most PTA newsletters, are snorers.

Congratulations to the debate team; info on tickets to the spring concert; thanks to the women who mailed out the current issue — that sort of thing.

That’s not John Dodig’s style.

The Staples High School principal regularly tackles tough topics. Cheating. Drinking. Parental double standards — that sort of thing.

The current issue of For the Wreckord contains a particularly powerful piece. This time, Dodig takes on sexting. He was inspired (or depressed) by a story in Rolling Stone

Dodig wrote:

At the ripe old age of 69, I have seen a lot of change in America. I remember seeing “whites only” water fountains and bathrooms on a trip to Florida when I was 11 years old, and feeling uncomfortable at the sight.

I lived through the battles against the Vietnam War, the sexual revolution, the fight for women’s rights, racial equality, gay rights and more. I remember an ashtray in every home, and driving in my parents’ car so thick with smoke that I couldn’t see past the front seat. Now ashtrays are gone from everyone’s homes, and teenagers often have designated drivers thanks to the work of SADD, MADD, and mandatory health classes in public schools.

Sexting 1So much has changed for the better. Yet many of our girls still feel the need to please boys by behaving in ways that even they find shocking when they see themselves in compromising positions on display somewhere on the internet.

The last paragraph and the last line of Burleigh’s article are emotionally devastating to the reader, as the mother of a child who committed suicide over sexting describes her daughter’s last days. Mom shared the messages her daughter sent to one of the boys, who was sharing naked photos of her with his friends. The messages show her pleading with Joe to delete the pictures. Among her last words were, “You have no idea what it’s like to be a girl.”

I have a wonderful and successful adult daughter, but lived through years of drama that made her parents’ lives difficult at times. Still, I admit I do not know what it is like to be a girl. Having lived with thousands of teenagers of both sexes for 43 years in public schools, I do know that not much has changed as to what many girls perceive is how they must behave to be accepted by their peer group.

Sexting 2Our girls now play varsity sports, win science and math competitions, and understand that they can be whatever they choose to be as adults. They know it, but perhaps don’t believe it enough to prevent them from being drawn in to the pull of pleasing boys in order to fit in, be accepted, or validate their existence as a female. We have a lot more work to do.

This is a tough topic to bring up at the dinner table, but it is a discussion that must be had somewhere. If your children are reluctant to talk about it, don’t give up.

Soon we will celebrate Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for, not the least of which is the fact that we live in Westport. We have, so far, escaped a tragedy like the one experienced in Greenwich not long ago.

I would love to be thankful at some point in the future for having helped to change the minds of high school students at Staples, so that not one of our girls would ever have to say: “You have no idea what it’s like to be a girl.”

Other than body parts, there should be no difference in the self-image of every young person, male or female. They should all be proud of who they are, simply because they exist. They are ours and we love them all.

Happy Thanksgiving !

(Click here to read the full Rolling Stone story about sexting.)

Remembering Andrew Accardi

In mid-March 2008, a couple dozen boys were trying out for the Staples golf team. The wind chill was 20 degrees, and coach Tom Owen told them that if they wished, they could go inside. He would not hold it against them.

A 9th grader shook uncontrollably from the cold. But he refused to quit.

“I want to finish,” Andrew Accardi told Owen.

Despite his heart, his scores were not good enough to make the very talented squad. But Owen loved Andrew’s attitude, and asked him to be the team manager.

Andrew battled more than wind and cold that day. Since age 5 — nearly 10 years earlier — he’d been fighting neuroblastoma, a brutal childhood cancer.

Andrew Accardi, doing what he loved.

Andrew Accardi, doing what he loved.

“Andrew never wanted sympathy or pity,” Owen says. “He never let on how much he was suffering. He just wanted a normal high school life.”

His golf teammates treated him exactly that way. They befriended him, joked with him, teased him.

The next year — as a sophomore — Andrew made the team. Despite frequent trips to Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia, he was a Staples golfer for the rest of high school.

He, Owen, and many friends and family members worked together on fundraisers for the hospital, to aid in neuroblastoma research. Over 4 years, “Andrew’s Army” raised hundreds of thousands of dollars.

After graduating in 2011, Andrew attended Villanova University, as a finance and marketing major. Just as at Staples, he quickly gained many friends and admirers.

This morning, Andrew lost his 15-year fight. He was 20 years old.

“I respect him greatly, for everything he did,” Owen says with emotion. “He inspired so many people. I hope kids who knew him learn never to take for granted what they have.”

Staples principal John Dodig agrees.

Andrew Accardi

Andrew Accardi

“I remember this small boy with a knit cap on. Sometimes he was here, and for weeks he was not. Each time he reappeared, students and adults welcomed him back. He walked around the building with a smile on his face.

“His biggest goal at that point in his life was to walk across the stage at graduation. Every teacher, administrator, and support person was determined to help him accomplish his goal.”

Andrew did walk across the stage. Dodig shook his hand. James Farnen, his assistant principal for 4 years, gave him a huge hug.

Andrew Felman — the current Staples golf captain — was a freshman when Andrew Accardi was a senior. When he heard the news this morning, the captain told Owen he wants the team to wear Andrew’s initials on their golf shirts this year.

What a great tribute. It will keep Andrew Accardi so close to their hearts.