Shirah Sklar writes:
My roots in Westport run very deep. I am a graduate of Staples High School. My mother was a beloved teacher in the school system for 35 years. Presently, my family represents the only Jewish clergy who have children in Westport Public Schools.
I am the senior rabbi at Temple Shalom in Norwalk, which serves many Westport families, one of whom is the family of Andrew Goldberg and his 12-year-old son, whose ordeal facing antisemitic bullying in Westport is now national news.
As we all bear witness to a moment in time that Jews face unprecedented antisemitism in America, I am at once heartbroken and disappointed in what has happened in our beloved community, and the harm that our leadership’s handling of this situation has caused to an innocent child.
Rabbi Cantor Shirah Sklar
Incidents of antisemitic harassment and violence have increased 400% in this country since the beginning of October. It is time for our community to be proactive rather than reactive, and to begin to take seriously the issues of marginalization and discrimination against Jewish students.
There is a reason why many Jews feel isolated and alone. Our schools champion every initiative for inclusion and diversity, and leadership responds by appropriately saying there is no tolerance for antisemitism.
However, it is difficult to remain confident in these declarations when we examine the facts: A child was repeatedly ostracized, alienated and bullied by his peers with antisemitic epithets for months. The parents reported the repeated incidents and an investigation by the school corroborated these claims.
To be clear: These are not allegations as some in the media have presented. The findings are the result of an investigation performed by the principal of the school, which substantiates example after example of bullying and antisemitism.
Despite the conclusive results of an investigation, one member of the Board of Ed has already intimated, without having any real knowledge on the subject, that we don’t know the whole story. This response is deeply unsettling, reminiscent of the distressing and alienating zeitgeist in which many minimize the lived experience of victims of antisemitism.
Here is another fact: The legal team of the Board of Ed offered a settlement to the Goldberg family, a clear admission that the school system had run out of solutions to keep their child safe from harassment.
As a mother of three children in the Westport schools and as a rabbi, I am horrified that the settlement included terms that demanded a child would have to remain silent about this traumatizing and life-altering experience. In a culture where silence is bought and sold, these agreements only serve to protect the reputation and dysfunction of organizations. They do not take into account the well-being of the injured party-In this case, a 12-year-old boy.
We have now learned that the majority of school staff and students were completely unaware of this case and that it was never addressed among the school community, even as the Goldbergs saw no alternative but to enroll their child in a new school. We have also learned that until it became national news, The Board of Ed was also unaware of this case that had gone on for months with high level administrators, the school board’s legal counsel and the superintendent.
The response from the superintendent is equally disheartening because no formal communication has addressed the issue with the Goldberg family directly. I am deeply disheartened at attempts to distract the public and hide this case from view, rather than prioritize the needs of a child who was mistreated and repair that harm.
The superintendent has talked about the necessity of combatting antisemitism in general, as if to protect Westport from future incidents. This is empty political posturing if it does not include addressing this incident specifically and making substantive steps to repair the damage that has already been done. And so I ask our town’s leadership, how will restitution be made to the Goldberg family?
Jewish tradition teaches a concept of repair called “Teshuvah” that is fundamental to correcting our path when we have gone astray. It includes an honest and transparent accounting of our actions, apologizing directly and holding ourselves accountable to restore justice to those we have harmed and making an earnest and sincere effort to correct the path, to have a plan going forward. The Goldberg family deserves nothing less from the Town of Westport and the Westport Public Schools. Actions speak louder than words.
If we really want to be the kind of town that promotes tolerance and diversity, that welcomes and supports students and families of all races, religions, orientations and ethnicities, we all have work to do. We can’t just say it is so, we have to make it so.
Thank you for writing so eloquently what many of us have been thinking and feeling. We must do better. Our children, all children, deserve no less from us.
The head of the ADL, Jonathan Greenblatt, also made his thoughts on the town’s response very clear: “The antisemitic harassment that this Westport, CT father describes his middle schooler having endured is absolutely disgusting. When a Jewish family concludes that public schools are no longer safe or in the best interests of their child, the last thing that should ever be on the table is silence. Our children deserve transparency, accountability & safety in the wake of these incidents – nothing less.”
and the Jewish community needs to speak out. Whete are all the clergy speaking out ? I don’t see
They are! They are having Tom speak at Temple Iarael in January. They are having meetings with their cogregations. They have made statments. They are meeting with Tom continuously. Not sure about priests…
Thank you Rabbi Sklar.
“If we really want to be the kind of town that promotes tolerance and diversity, that welcomes and supports students and families of all races, religions, orientations and ethnicities, we all have work to do. We can’t just say it is so, we have to make it so.”
I could not agree more!
Beautifully expressed Rabbi Cantor Shirah. As you said we need positive action, not meaningless words. Thank you! 💜
This couldn’t be more clearly & beautifully stated. Every Jewish family I’m sure agrees, but even more important, is that every Westport family should agree.
Well, why aren’t we demanding the resignation or dismissal of the superintendent of the schools? And, where is Jen tooker on this? I assumed she had to sign off on this non disclosure agreement?
Please read my comment to understand why I am 100% supportive of our superintendent in this case.
Because you try to stand behind a very questionable legal technicality does NOT make it true. I could not disagree with your assertion. Your assertion is not a fact, other than in your own mind
As a part of this community (and a Jew), I hate antisemitism as much as the next guy. That said, I’m deeply disturbed by this letter.
In these fraught times, it’s Incumbent on all of us, especially our rabbis, to do our homework before we judge. In this case, and all other cases involving students, the school system is federally prohibited from sharing their facts, even if they want to. That is the law, and it protects the privacy of all of our students.
(As an aside, the college presidents who gave their testimony were under oath and therefore legally prohibited from expressing anything about their codes of contact that is not factual, even if they don’t agree personally. Also, the law.)
As they say, there are two sides to every story. It’s important to remember that in both of these cases, one side can say whatever they want (even if it’s overblown, mischaracterized, or flat out false) and the other side is bound by federal law.
It would be great to keep this in mind before we create (or pile onto) screeds of condemnation — especially those in positions of influence. The last thing we need is to let the toxicity and rushes to judgment that are rampant in our country infect our own community. Another way we can “do better.”
This reply is absurd. No one is asking to name and shame the students but we demand transparency. Why wasn’t the Board made aware of this until the story broke? We had a board member on Facebook saying “we don’t know the full picture” but then admitting he didn’t either and someone just said that to him that day? Why was “hush money” offered? Sorry, no other group would allow this to happen to themselves without demanding transparency and just saying “oh gee privacy laws let’s just move on” does nothing good for anyone.
If you feel that privacy laws are inappropriate by all means lobby your lawmakers to change them. Of course the Supreme Court might have issues with that. In the meantime, we have to follow them.
Well then based on the facts as presented, the Superintendent should be terminated. I am quite sure there is some daylight between the privacy laws and the information we have now.
Sorry. I just realized I was wasting my time arguing with someone who defended the college presidents. My mistake.
Lori Strasberg, I couldn’t disagree with you more and am surprised one would take such a reductionist view that potentially harms a student’s mental health and well-being. You further, in a condescending manner, assume Rabbi Sklar does not understand the regulations and the intricacies of FERPA and the Bradley Amendment, the regulations you claim prevent the release of any information about a student. As a former professional in a registrar’s office, I do. I challenge you to disclose if you are an attorney and specialize in educational law, as well as cite which specific sections of FERPA you maintain constrains the school or school board from any facts about this case. You basically tell the readers to “trust me, it’s the law,” but provide no more information, such as which law, which part, and any cases that might be similar or relevant. Until you do so, your messages and reply appear to be trolling Rabbi Sklar.
On a personal level, and as you feel necessary to qualify it, “as a Jew” … I would expect a little empathy. The child and his parents will likely read your cold comment. I further wonder what your side of the story is and why you felt it necessary to reply with such a haughty message (to a fellow Jew) who is simply lamenting the ducking, dodging, and obfuscation that the school and Westport schools are engaged in. This is her congregant. She likely knows much more of the story but is constrained from saying more.
As other commenters state, no one is interested in the minors that engaged in the behavior but in the very evasive way the school handled it, especially forbidding the student from mentioning that the events occurred, and even apparently hiding it from the school district, which in itself brings to light a transparency problem that questions the integrity of both the leadership of the school, school district, and your argument.
Well said, Eli. Would also note she defended the college presidents in her response. That should tell us what we need to know and a quick google search finds no attorney of her name in the area
Lori- whatever the content of your remarks are, I am not addressing here. The tone that you struck with Rabbi Cantor Shirah was very disrespectful. She is intimately involved with the family, so I think she knows a lot more than most of us do because of the privacy laws you talk about. But whatever the case may be, it sounds like you have something against her that has nothing to do with her post, that’s my guess. Instead of attacking rabbis, we need to come together as a community and protect our children first and foremost and protect one another from this crazy violent world. Our clergy works so hard to support our communities, especially at this time when antisemitism is so scary and there is so much uncertainty!! Thanking her for her caring and her service would be a more elevated response even as you disagree.
I know, like and respect Shira very much, and I understand that she has good intentions and I get where she is coming from – yes, you are correct, I should have stated that and I am sorry for leaving that out. I just have concerns about this letter.
Folks, Lori reached out to me this morning on this letter and both agree that focus needs remain on the issues. I am very well accustomed to people expressing their feelings to me, even if we may disagree. However you feel on the issue, please try to keep it positive for the sake of our community and keep focus on the issue here.
Thank you for speaking out Cantor Shirah.
This situation appears to be exacerbated by the lack of open, honest, transparent and authentic conversations with all stakeholders, which includes students and parents.
Ongoing conversations and a real action plan are needed. This problem will not be solved with a few check the box training session, silencing the family, or wishing it will go away!
Like the Cantor said, “We can’t just say it is so, we MUST make it so!”
“Open, honest, transparent and authentic conversations with all stakeholders, which includes students and parents” is illegal. The school prohibited by law from sharing this information.
over the last 2 days there have been multiple bomb threats to synagogues and Jewish learning schools all over nation. This comes after Trump repeated Hitler words Trump says these words because it is effective to his purpose. When Trump says good and bad things it has a major impact on the USA. It’s my opinion that Trump is a lightning rod of anti semitism. What kind of a human being makes campaign rallies repeating the words of Adolph Hitler ? certainly not a mensch
Mr. Fogel, there are many things that can fairly be blamed on Donald Trump and many that cannot. The antisemitic behavior we’re seeing right now is coming mainly from leftists who hate Israel and who, incomprehensibly, seem ready to apologize for Hamas and minimize the atrocity they committed on October 7.
Trump thrives on being dragged into any conversation we have on just about any subject, and we need to stop doing that. So can we please just leave him out of this and focus on the issue at hand?
Mr. Fogel, there are many things that can fairly be blamed on Donald Trump and many that cannot. The antisemitic behavior we’re seeing right now is coming mainly from leftists who, incomprehensibly, seem ready to apologize for Hamas and minimize the atrocity they committed on October 7.
Trump thrives on being dragged into any conversation we have on just about any subject, and the best way to send him on his way now is simply to stop doing that. So can we please just leave him out of this and focus on the issue at hand?
Thank you, Rabbi Cantor Sklar. I agree that the response is “deeply unsettling” and the response from the Superintendent is “disheartening” and “empty political positioning”. I also agree with your suggestion of “Teshuvah” from the school administration and I am hopeful that every Westport family agrees, no matter your religion (I was raised Catholic).
Thank you, Rabbi Sklar. Our community is fortunate to have a deeply committed and well-respected person like Shirah Sklar to educate us and stand against antisemitism. I hope all Westporters, Jews and non-Jews, will continue to speak out and to support the Goldbergs and other Jews who have been victims of antisemitism.
I’m seeing names of commentators relative to this posting that I’ve never seen before! Just an observation.
too many have been silent. why isn’t every clergy in 06880 speaking up ?
Hi there- I’m one of them I’m sure! I grew up in Wspt. Have followed 06880 since the beginning. But have not lived in town since I left for college– 1982. 🙂
Shira,
Thank you for expressing this in a fashion that everyone should not just understand, but feel. Personally, I don’t know how this family can ever fully recover a sense of stabilizing inclusion that most of us take for granted when we begin our day. For it to have occurred and been perpetuated under the umbrella of the presupposed safety of a school environment makes it more unexpected and distressing to the people targeted. Unlike any “accident”, this type of unanticipated post-traumatic experience runs deep, penetrating one’s being and sense of safety, forever – always questioning, suspicious, and never again quite fully secure.
As Ms. Strasberg articulated, the leadership may be “bound” by privacy constraints; however they are not prohibited from immediately taking appropriate, meaningful corrective and preventative action when advised by this family of what had been occurring under their noses. Demanding a non-disclosure agreement in order to suppress ANY portion of this incident under a blanket, is the antithesis of what should have been the whole-hearted determination of leaders who understand how deep and dangerous this incident represents to both individuals, and to any community.
I understand that evading the fallout accompanying a bad publicity stain is always on the mind of institutions, particularly when it’s not only embarrassing but can have significant adverse consequences for personal and institutional reputation and finances. However certain issues take overriding precedence. It is ironic, and regretful, that an institution of learning might not comprehend this. A public admission that a serious problem exists, and undertaking transparent corrective actions in a tenacious fashion, will be viewed as being determinedly serious about the importance of this issue. The smattering of lawn signs proclaiming that “Hate Has No Home Here” does not cut it.
As Rabbi Cantor Sklar points out, “Teshuvah” is now in order. So for emphasis to Westport’s educational and political leadership I will repeat her correct assertion:
We now require an honest and transparent accounting of our actions; apologizing directly and holding ourselves accountable to restore justice to those we have harmed, and make an earnest and sincere effort to correct the path, and to have a meaningful plan going forward. The Goldberg family deserves nothing less from the Town of Westport and the Westport Public Schools. Actions speak louder than words.
This can occur without breaching any privacy laws – an “argument” too often used as a convenient and dangerous excuse for silence and inaction.
Dr J
thank you Rabbi. it’s nice to hear a rabbi speak up. Rabbi. Do you think it would be helpful to ask all clearly of all denominations and religionns to speak to their congregations about anti semitism ? It’s my novice non professional opinion. that other religious leaders must educated and preach about what behavior is acceptable and what is not
I moved to Westport after retiring and never had a child in the school system. My husband and I became aware of “issues” when the town recently paid a significant amount of taxpayer dollars to a known proponent of Critical Race Theory in order to study “DEI” in Westport schools.
As I imagine many others beside me believe, had the child in question here been “ a person of color”-and the issue one of racial slurring- no one would be worrying about privacy laws -and strong actions, not words, would have followed.
We live in very dangerous times- very reminiscent of 1939!
LEARN FROM HISTORY!
If there weren’t attempts at “teaching” all the students about “hateful” language at an age appropriate level, then it is another example of poor leadership. Just as on college campuses where the presidents had every opportunity to bring opposing sides together for learning and civil discourse and did not (the focus was on legal speech, rather than morally wrong language), here in Westport, it seems we had the same blown opportunity, since most of the system was unaware. Yes, there is free speech, but there is also “wrong” speech, and we all know what it sounds like. Let’s try to make a difference with a bit more education.
My wife and I have lived in Westport for 47 years. Our three children are products of the Westport school system. We are Jews (I personally dislike the label Jew-ish). Never once have we experienced anti-Semitism.
But times have changed and because of politics and world events the undercurrent of anti-Semitism that apparently exists as much today as it ever has, has been given license to bubble to the surface.
The Goldberg family and Rabbi Sklar have done fellow Jews, our community at large and perhaps a much broader community, a great service. While it is necessary to decry anti-Semitic incidents and to keep count of and publicize them, we have reached a point that more needs to be done. The Goldbergs and Rabbi Sklar have done just that. They reject being victims.
Like Howard Beale in Network, we should be mad as hell and not be willing to take it anymore. If things are going to change for the better, ignorance must be confronted as and when it occurs. Nothing is more effective than this and we, Jews and non-Jews alike, should call out every instance of anti-Semitism we experience, no matter when or where. And call out those institutions and individuals that are hesitant to utilize their power to do the same.
Thank you for speaking out Rabbi. I am disappointed on the superintendents response as well as Dan’s response. It was terse & evasive. Education is the way to show how antisemitism exists in our country & the world. I believe that the students in question be put on stage along with their parents and shown how holocaust victims were treated and killed 1939 , as well as all students in the assembly watch the horrors. This hate comes from what parents teach their children. It needs to be addressed to all students, not just jewish children in their place of worship. Hate should not be tolerated whether you’re Jewish, Black Americans, Asians, Hispanics, LBGTQ. Education is the answer.
Thank you Rabbi Sklar for your important message.
Children can be mean; a one-off taunt can be handled easily with an admonishment.
That the Goldberg son was bullied and ostracized for MONTHS is horrifying, infuriating and intolerable. How was that allowed to continue for so long … and without any apparent punishment to the offenders? Why did the school feel it had to find safe havens for the victim instead of having the offenders sit at a separate table at lunch (etc)? Why weren’t the repeat offenders ultimately suspended?
Without naming names, it would go a long way towards understanding, forgiving and healing if we were to learn that the bullies had apologized – in person – to the Goldberg child, that their parents had apologized – in person – to the Goldberg family, and that the offending children had been given some sort of counseling about respect for all races and religions.
Here! Here! While I believe there should be confidentiality for the youthful perpetrator and his/her family, I would be interested in knowing what proactive steps have been undertaken by them to reform the behavior of their child ( and themselves, if applicable). Community education is not the same as individual rehabilative action.
How can we have trust or faith in the superintendent or first selectwoman here? They should both be ashamed for the actions and resign. I voted for tooker but will not going forward.
Mark, I couldn’t agree more!! Also, I see a lot of commenters about this story that I’ve never seen before.
Very well said, so what is the plan Board of Education? Take some action, hold those accountable and follow the requests that have been suggested for an apology and a way forward. You owe this town and the Goldberg family nothing less.0
The fact that the majority of school staff and students were completely unaware of this case, that it was never addressed among the school community, and that The Board of Ed was also unaware despite the the fact that it played out over the course of months with high level administrators, the school board’s legal counsel and the superintendent is very telling and truly disheartening.
Rather than turning this into a teachable moment, educating students on antisemitism (and diversity of all kinds) and making the school (and community) a more inclusive place, the school system treated it as a nuisance– something to be dealt with and then moved on from. It was deemed so inconsequential that the board of ed was never even given a heads up.
This is the reason that silence is never an option. Without voices like the Goldberg Family, Rabbi Sklar and others in this community, antisemitism will be deemed at best tolerable, and at worst acceptable.
Just a brief comment and observation since so much has been said– this is not a singular problem or new. I think everyone should know that bullying is common in the Westport schools. The administration talks the talk, but it was present when my kids were in the schools, and it is present now. Bullying, anti semitism, racism. We have to ask ourselves why? Why can’t teachers and the professionals instill respect and discipline to treat all of our kids with empathy and respect. It’s not because of laws or lack of training.
Thank you Shirah for writing such an eloquent note.
Thanks for posting Rabbi. This is definitely not the Westport of the 1960’s – 1980’s that I remember well. My heart breaks for the child and his/her family.
From the esteemed Free Press this morning, an article by Francesca Block:
“It became embedded in every facet of society, from children’s games to books to stories on the news. I believe if we keep going on this trajectory, we could potentially be at a level where you have the youth doing everything that they are directed to based on this propaganda. And that’s a scary thought.”
https://www.thefp.com/p/how-us-public-schools-teach-antisemitism
As a parent and resident who stood up to bigoted book banners and Anti – LGBTQ school board candidates, I am saddened and disappointed my fellow Westport DEI members have not spoken out more about the antisemitism some students here have experienced. As a Jew myself, I am scared for my kids. One teacher at Bedford, jokingly called my daughter , “ Anne Frank” during roll call when she was absent for her Bat Mitzvah, and the kids laughed! It is time for the DEI here to look into anti- semitism trainings! I will be contacting you shortly.
I know this town itself is not anti- semitic. I know the schools are not anti- semitic. I know Tom to be an amazing Superintendent. We have some work to do, however.
I am shocked, disturbed and outraged by the amount of antisemitism that has occurred in Westport since October 7th, but also in the past.
Have we not learned anything from history dating back to B.C.?! Enslaved by the Egyptians, Roman’s, Greeks, blamed for the black plague, the Byzantine period—more recently, the holocaust and now October 7th where over 230 were kidnapped, 695 murdered and still 137 remain in Hamas captivity.
We only know of this because the father is brave and outspoken and I applaud ANYONE for speaking out. Children are protected. Their names, actions, consequences, it’s all kept sealed and hidden for purposes of protection—which I agree with.
I am not Jewish, but I am so passionate about this because of what and how I learned about the Jewish religion, practices, traditions and what they endured through…Westport Public School education.
This isn’t the only incident I’m aware of. But what I look for, is rather than saying you’re going to do something—for simply just pleasing yourself and virtue signaling others, is actually physically doing something. I would hope, and imagine, that has occurred through harsh punishment.
I implore everyone to be outspoken and be heard.
We in the Jewish community, along with our friends, should become both more vocal and more visible as we protest the handling of this terrible incident. A protest outside school buildings, a march — whatever it takes to make sure we are seen as people who can not only write spectacular letters (thank you Rabbi Sklar!) but who are also passionate and disturbed enough about anti-Semitism in our beloved Westport schools to also be seen and heard. “Sit at separate tables” indeed! Imagine if the member of any other minority group was offered such advice.
For anyone who is interested in the issue of what is being taught and going unsanctioned in our schools, this is a worthwhile read. There is some reporting on what happened in Wspt. https://www.thefp.com/p/how-us-public-schools-teach-antisemitism?utm_campaign=email-post&r=1bldv1&utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
You should be embarrassed with yourself for failing to fact check the Goldberg’s story, which is littered with inaccuracies and misrepresentations. Have you considered that the school may have completed a comprehensive investigation and determined that his claims were unfounded?
Very powerful statement. Thank you Rabbi Sklar for your leadership on this matter. As a graduate of Staples High School (class of 1985), former Westport resident, and an educational consultant that provides professional training to school districts, (as well as a college consultant who has worked with dozens of students from the community) I feel compelled to offer my perspective.
Many schools throughout the country struggle with how to address bullying incidents. Most do not have the proper policies in place and protocols to follow. Nor have they received effective training for leadership, teachers and staff. Clearly Westport is no exception.
For this reason, my team and I are focusing our current efforts on creating a training, called the Peaceful Classroom for teachers (and complementary trainings: The Peaceful Playground for staff who supervise students when not in the classroom and The Peaceful School for school leaders). Following the recommendations from the anti-Defamation League regarding bullying prevention, best practices in conflict resolution, de-escalation training, and restorative justice, combined with the explicit teaching of anti-bias, antisemitism, antiracism, our training includes protocols for all school stakeholders to follow, including students, when instances or potential instances of bullying arise, as well as preventive practices that lead to a peaceful school community for all.
We are hoping to be able to bring this training to schools in the early part of 2024. I would love to partner with Westport to do so. If the school is not interested in implementing such a training, we can train community members to be affective stewards.
“En loco parentis” does not just mean that schools operate in the absence of the parent as the authority over students. But like a good parent, en loco parentis at its essence implies that schools execute that authority with care and compassion and an eye toward protecting all of their “children.”
It is our very first obligation as educators to ensure that ALL children feel safe and free to learn. In the same way that there is legal precedent for limitation on free speech on public school campuses if said speech in anyway detracts from the learning environment or prevents an individual from accessing his learning, due to feelings of intimidation, humiliation, and harassment, bullying is to be treated with the same seriousness, as most bullying incident start with speech.
So while others here have argued that the schools have legal responsibilities to adhere to privacy and non-disclosure laws and policies, we can also invoke the law to demonstrate that schools, and most especially those receiving federal funds under title six, have a legal obligation to ensure that one child’s speech act does not harm or inhibit another child’s ability to access his education. That is also law, and I would argue should take precedent over ALL other legal obligations.
Public schools cannot claim their authority over the personal growth, intellectual development, and education of all students, unless they first take every measure to ensure that the most fundamental rights of students to be free from harm when within the four walls of the classroom are foremost in the daily practices of the school.
I welcome anyone from the community to partner with me to help bring the Peaceful School Protocols to Westport and the surrounding communities. Please reach out.
My contact information is 203–241–6689. http://www.athenaeducationgroup.org. You can link to the website by clicking my name above.
As a Jewish women who has lived and in Westport for 35 years I am horrified and frightened by these incidents.
Is there a group of Westporters working to address this? I’d like to find other people that would at least want to sit and discuss this so we may figure out the next steps. Not feeling safe in our town is unacceptable.
Who can direct me to or join me in starting a group?
Thank you Rabbi Sklar for the wake up call.
Thank you Joan Brady for the link to that very frightening article that needs to be posted and reposted everywhere by everyone.