In the biggest defeat for scientific inquiry since Senator James Inhofe looked at rising global temperatures, sea levels and catastrophic weather events and said “Nah,” has used “data and science” to identify the 10 most boring places to live in Connecticut.

You or I might think that meant examining things like beaches, restaurants, library events, art shows and Country Playhouse performances.

You or I would be wrong.

Sam Sparkes

Sam Sparkes

RoadSnacks — more specifically, a boring-looking twit named Sam Sparkes – has decided that the way to determine boringness is by looking at 128 towns with populations of at least 5,000.

They then determined the percentage of folks over 35 (an arbitrary age; “higher is more boring”); percentage of married households, households with kids and people over 65 (for all, “higher is more boring”); median age (“higher is more boring” — a statement that is pretty boring itself), and percentage of young residents ages 18-34 and population density (for both, “lower is more boring”).

Using those plucked-from-the-sky criteria, RoadSnacks — which not only has never been confused with Scientific American, but probably has never been looked at by any human being, because why? — determined that the most boring place in Connecticut is … West Simsbury.

And there in 8th place — following Orange, Essex Village, Georgetown, Northwest Harwinton, North Haven and Somers, but ahead of Old Saybrook and Cheshire — is Westport.

To which, there is only one answer:


(Photo/Terry Cosgrave)

This town is sooooo boring! There’s never anything to do here! (Photo/Terry Cosgrave)


13 responses to “Bo-ring!

  1. Kudos to Dan Woog for a clever and funny presentation of the ridiculous “boring places” analysis, which as he points out isn’t analysis at all. Sam Sparkes is just taking the baton being passed to many millennials by Andy Cohen of the Real Housewives franchise, who has made the Seventh grade style put-down an acceptable form of expression and engagement. If you visit the RoadSnacks site, you see that Connecticut towns as “boring,” judged by population over 35, got off easy. Take a look at the non-analysis of Worst States and Worst Places to live in Pennsylvania.

  2. Boredom is a human inner failing for which the only antidote is being shot from a cannon and wishing to do it again if one survives the excitment..

  3. Having grown up here, I have to agree with the boring assessment to a big extent. I thought that as a teen here and still think that as a retired townie, but you know, it’s pretty much what I wanted from this town. There is definitely a lack of vitality cursing through this town, and I can’t say if it’s the age of the population, their feelings of entitlement, lack of entertaining bars and restaurants, whatever. Sure, there’s the occasional DMA event (usually mellow and almost always too expensive for the average town visitor, or even resident) or the usual self-serving events of the various organizations in town (the Y or that movie group that wants to build a theatre in town that wants to show past award winning movies {snore right there, that’s what Netflix and Amazon movie are about} or some artists who think they should have free or at least spectacular studio space in which to work and show), and the list goes on. I’m not saying those aren’t necessarily worthy efforts, they just don’t apply to the masses. And where are those masses in this town? Probably in their entitled homes, enjoying their entitled friends, and playing with their entitled toys. Even in neighborly Fairfield there is life on the streets and in the reasonably priced restaurants, bars and clubs in the evenings, the DQ is jamming every night, people are outside walking around (walk around in Westport and you’re labeled either one of those nut cases or from out of town; what, no parking space right in front of the door of the shop I want to go to?, shudders; or you’re walking your dog at the most expensive doggie park in the states, Winslow). But it’s quiet and tranquil here in town, and that’s why I like it; if I want some excitement I’ll get in my car and go just about anywhere else, even Home Depot. So is that in and of itself boring? Of course. Hmmm, you know what, RoadSnacks just might be right.

    • Sandy, I’m really surprised. You must be getting not old, but unadventurous. Go down to the beach any day or night. Saugatuck too. The library. Westport Country Playhouse or a Staples Players. A restaurant like Bartaco or Arrezzo. The Levitt Pavilion (anything from swing to Motown to current bands). The hundreds of daily events at the Y. Longshore Sailing School or Downunder. Play golf or tennis or swim at Longshore. You really need to get out more.

      • You may be right Dan. Maybe it’s my definition of “adventure” that differs; the beach only becomes an adventure when you’re trying to find a table and most seem to be reserved, the Y you have to be a member, most of the restaurants are not an adventure, except to find the food really sucks, and then you can’t hang out there afterwards (they want their table space), of course there is the Black Duck, they have action there. I do make use of the beach or the golf course, so those are perks, but you’re not going to get to know many of the others there also, A lot of it is the people, most seem to be boring themselves, just into themselves, and how they can impress their neighbors, or promote their own personal agendas.

        • We’ll just have to agree to disagree, Sandy. I have found tons of interesting, involved, wonderful people here. The entitled ones trying to impress others get a disproportionate amount of attention. Don’t let them get you down. On a beautiful day like today — and what a great summer it’s been — there are very few places like this town. (Spring and fall, too. Winter is what we get through for the rest of the year.)

          Throughout the past couple of months, I’ve been to several Staples reunions, from classes spanning the ’60s through the ’90s. A unifying theme is how little they appreciated Westport when they were in high school, and how much they appreciate it now — whether they live near or far.

          A friend of mine from Staples just spent a month at a beach rental. She can’t get over how fortunate she is to come back.

          You’ve been a great commenter on “06880.” So something has kept you here. What’s it been?

    • I have never once been bored in Westport and I am a native. I wish I could partake in more things that Westport has to offer and be more involved and with my youngest going to college in a few weeks, hopefully I will be. Staples Players has broadway quality, “absolutely thrilling” plays, (hell, the Middle Schools have Broadway quality plays) the restaurants here rival the city, the arts rivals anywhere, the public beaches are fabulous as is Sherwood Island. People come here at the top of their game and choose to live here when they can live almost anywhere. Have you been to the Westport Public Library? Levitt? Saugatuck? Longshore? The history here is wildly interesting. When I hear people think that others walk around with an air of entitlement I just don’t get it. Personally, I have never once experienced rudeness or unfriendliness! I have always made eye contact to passers-by and say hallo and almost everyone says “hello” back. Although it is getting a little tougher with people talking and texting on their phones. I do agree with one thing, DMA does need to lower their prices.

  4. The Westport Downtown Merchants Association offers several FREE events throughout the year. The Art About Town Street Party is free and open to everyone who enjoys art, music and street performers in a causal community atmosphere. The Westport Fine Arts Festival is not just about the visual arts – people can listen to 2 days of great local musicians and see performance artists – for free. The horse & buggies and carolers paid for by the WDMA add to the charm of the holidays downtown at no cost to the public, and the Celebrate the Season party the night of the Town Hall tree lighting is also FREE – free drinks, free food, free entertainment, and lots of interesting information from other non-profits is available.
    Hosting these events does not come free to the Association – they are very expensive to produce.
    The WDMA’s ONE ticketed event, the Blues, Views & BBQ Festival offers an incredible weekend – ticket options start at $10 and vary to $70. Come for a day or two for music, food and a variety of activities.
    Kids 12 and under are FREE.
    There will be 12 top blues, soul, funk and rock bands, 6 CT/NYC-based musicians, and more bands from the School of Rock; in total, over 24 hours of music – plus all the fun things to do.
    The ticket price is an amazing value for what you get.
    It sold out last year – so at least several thousand people disagree that it is too expensive.
    Check it out! Tickets are on sale now.
    PS – And when you walk through the refurbished downtown Tunnel or look up next month to see some beautiful lamppost banners – you’re welcome.

  5. Marcy Anson Fralick Staples '70

    I can see how people today might think Westport is boring. But, back when I was at Staples (1967-1970) Dick Sandhaus, our classmate Ellen Sandhaus’s brother, brought to Staples’ Auditorium such inconsequential musical groups with little known names as The Doors, Cream, Blues Magoo (1970 Prom), Young Rascals, Sly and the Family Stone, Richie Havens, The James Gang, The Left Bank (1968 Prom), The Animals, The Remains, The Yardbirds, and The Guess Who just to name a few.

    Obviously I was being facetious about the bands, but Westport in the late 60’s was a happenin’ place, man! We had a bowling alley, ice skating rink, a dance club (The Nines), plays at The Westport Playhouse, great family restaurants, Compo. Longshore, Old Mill, and great, local, affordable shops on Main Street — none of these big box Mall Stores. It was fun, family friendly, and kid friendly. People were down-to-earth, with no McMansions, no obvious opulence or entitlement attitudes, and no fancy cars. We drove whatever Mom or Dad had in the driveway, and we usually had a stipulation attached to driving the car, like taking or picking up our Dads from the Station at Westport. We walked to school with our friends, hitchiked to the beach, took the bus downtown, and were able to run free.

    Boring? Not when I lived there.

  6. Before retiring I had lived in Weston for 40 years. And loved every year. It’s a fabulous town in which to live and raise a family. BUT, it’s totally boring. And as Chris Plummer famously said in the Weston bicentennial video, “And most of us like it that way.”

  7. Dewey Loselle

    FYI, just to remind everyone, Westport was selected as the “Fan Favorite Town” in Connecticut for 2014 by Connecticut residents and passionate visitors. The award was presented by the State Office of Tourism and Westport is featured in the 2015 Connecticut guide book as the #1 Town to visit in Connecticut. For all those who need convincing about what a great town Westport is and the many activities and features which make Westport “Not Boring” please watch the attached video. This was made by the three young women who helped Westport win this Statewide recognition. They tell the story about our Town far better than I ever could and I don’t think they find Westport boring a bit!

  8. As a former resident of Westport and a current resident of the second place boring town (Orange), I guess I must be drawn to boring places – LOL. Just a point or order, though – Georgetown is not a “town”, let alone a town with a population over 5,000. This guy at RoadSnacks must have something against Georgetown since it made number four on this list and number two on the “Worst Places to Live in Connecticut”.

  9. Nancy Powers Conklin

    I agree with everything Marcy said above. I was one grade ahead of her and enjoyed all the things she mentioned. It was a great place to grow up!