In the biggest defeat for scientific inquiry since Senator James Inhofe looked at rising global temperatures, sea levels and catastrophic weather events and said “Nah,” RoadSnacks.com has used “data and science” to identify the 10 most boring places to live in Connecticut.
You or I might think that meant examining things like beaches, restaurants, library events, art shows and Country Playhouse performances.
You or I would be wrong.
RoadSnacks — more specifically, a boring-looking twit named Sam Sparkes – has decided that the way to determine boringness is by looking at 128 towns with populations of at least 5,000.
They then determined the percentage of folks over 35 (an arbitrary age; “higher is more boring”); percentage of married households, households with kids and people over 65 (for all, “higher is more boring”); median age (“higher is more boring” — a statement that is pretty boring itself), and percentage of young residents ages 18-34 and population density (for both, “lower is more boring”).
Using those plucked-from-the-sky criteria, RoadSnacks — which not only has never been confused with Scientific American, but probably has never been looked at by any human being, because why? — determined that the most boring place in Connecticut is … West Simsbury.
And there in 8th place — following Orange, Essex Village, Georgetown, Northwest Harwinton, North Haven and Somers, but ahead of Old Saybrook and Cheshire — is Westport.
To which, there is only one answer: