Tag Archives: college admissions pressure

College Admissions Stress: A Sad Tale Of Student Sabotage

“06880” often highlights the remarkable achievements of Staples High School students. They accomplish spectacular things, in an awe-inspiring range of fields.

This story is not one of those.

This fall, 3 seniors applied early decision to the same elite, Ivy League-level college. (I’m not naming the school or the students. This story is less about them, than about the incident itself and the lessons learned from it.)

The 3 were classmates, not friends. But because college applications is perhaps the most-discussed topic of conversation for 12th graders, each knew about the other 2.

One boy emailed the college admissions office, suggesting a second boy was antisemitic — and included screen grabs of him holding a gun.

The first student’s email was sent from a fake account — created in the name of the third student, a girl. She knew nothing about it. But the first student’s goal was to deny early admission to both.

Alarmed by the image of the weapon, the university called their police department — and Westport’s. The WPD called the girl’s family, and came to the house to interview her.

Officers were “very respectful, polite and terrific,” the girl’s father says.

“They did not jump to any conclusions. They wanted information. They were terrific.”

The boy who had been targeted talked to police. The student who wrote the email refused their requests for an interview, the girl’s father says.

The girl — fearful that her dream school would not admit her — was upset and angry. Her parents were too.

Westport police were “very helpful” as they tried to clear her name, the girl’s father says. They went so far as to call the college.

After many days of worry, the girl was admitted. So was the boy who had also been targeted. The student who sent the email was not.

“Getting into college is so stressful for everyone, and Staples is so competitive,” the girl’s father  says.

“It would be nice if students rooted for and supported each other. But we learned that student sabotage is not new. It’s happened before. So maybe kids shouldn’t tell anyone else where they’re applying.”

This story has spread throughout Fairfield County. The father has heard from a number of parents — and has heard similar stories.

“I just hope something positive comes out of this horrible situation,” he says.

“This is such a tough, toxic time for these kids. There has to be a way to make sure this never happens to anyone else.”

“My Daughter Does Not Wear A College Sweatshirt”

On May 1 — “Decision Day” — many Staples High seniors wore college sweatshirts to school. Brown, UConn, Michigan, Elon, Middlebury, NYU … everyone, it seemed, wanted to share with everyone else the place where they’ll (hopefully) spend the next 4 years.

Well, almost everyone.

A mother writes:

My daughter isn’t wearing a sweatshirt for a university — because she isn’t going to one.

Her decision day happened a year or so ago. Through a lot of tears, she told me she wasn’t ready to go to college. And she knew that in a year she wasn’t going to be ready either.

Since then I’ve talked to friends, relatives and strangers. I’ve had to let them know that my daughter wasn’t headed toward a stripper pole, just because she wasn’t going directly to college. 

My daughter has no idea what she wants to do. She’s 18. She has no children to feed, or debt to humanity to repay before her clock runs out.

The rush to the finish line is not one I’ve put before her. I don’t know if one even exists.

As she watches her friends and classmates go off into their lives at schools across the country, she remains resolute in her decision that her time will come.

But it’s not now. I sometimes see a little sadness in her eyes. But since forever, she has known herself.

Friends sent me texts. They acted as if I were someone who didn’t know the options, and that it was my decision to keep her out of college. They threw out lifelines to try to save us, not realizing there’s a level of depth and thought behind my daughter’s decision.

At 16 she saw the tension and stress of her classmates. She saw the harried decisions to find a path that didn’t fit with her.

So she talked to me, and told me her truth.

We don’t know what’s to come. She wants to work, learn something more about the world, and figure out who she is right now. Her path may not end in a degree in 4 years. But it will be one of value and worth.

To all of our children — those who are going to college, to trade school, into the military, working, or staying home — please know that you are valued and strong.

Your worth is not your accomplishments in these short years you’ve been here.

There is much more to come.