Everyone’s Westport is different.
Growing up here, our lives are shaped by our families, friends, neighborhoods, schools and activities.
But with the passage of time, many of us look back at our young years with fondness. The tough days disappear. We remember the good times.
Raymond Marra has a different perspective.
Raymond Marra
His parents moved here in 1965, when he was in 4th grade. They were drawn by the “schools, opportunity, and exposure to people who might elevate rather than limit us.”
All that was true, Marra says. At the same time, he felt out of place in this “affluent, competitive” town.
He struggled in school. He did not play sports. Friendships were “shallow and fleeting.”
Much of his childhood was shaped by “relentless bullying, intimidation, humiliation, and quiet self-doubt.” He did not know who he was, and could not imagine what he would become.
But the Staples Class of 1974 graduate was shaped too by a “fiercely independent mother” and a “brilliant, exacting father.” They instilled in him “resilience, discipline and an unspoken expectation to rise.”
Six decades later, he has tried to explain all those thoughts, feelings, contradictions and concerns. He’s written “Finding My Way in Westport: A Memoir of Discipline, Rebellion, and Resistance.”
It’s an exploration of how “what seemed an idyllic suburban town on the surface became the place where (he) first learned about pressure, expectations, resilience and independence.”
Marra began writing stories of his youth — challenging, funny, important, mundane, from Kings Highway Elementary, Bedford Junior High and Staples — on his iPhone, as a way to leave a legacy for his daughter. His parents, he says, had many stories, but never wrote them down.
After a while, he realized he had enough for a book. He’s not an author — he’s spent 40 years selling security systems to corporations — but the vignettes formed 40 chapters.
They range far and wide. He writes about his mother, a realtor who “went on strike” for a long while, checking out emotionally from her family. (She also had the “guts and balls” to approach Paul Newman at Silver’s. And, Marra says, she eventually “came back” from what seems to be depression.)
Readers who know Marra have said they are surprised to read some details of his childhood, but now understand where he gets his drive.
People who do not know him — particularly young people — may relate, he says, to someone who gets knocked down, but stands up for himself.
Bedford Junior High School (now Saugatuck Elementary) was not an easy place for an unsure 7th through 9th grader.
After that turbulent youth, Marra returned to the area.
Why?
“I love Westport,” he says simply. (Marra lives in Weston, but is here almost every day.)
Seeing a place like Mitchells (where his father bought suits) and the Washing Well (where he went 60 years ago with his father and brother) helps ground him.
“My memories are great, despite all the troubles,” Marra says. “This is a great community. It has so much to offer.
“I’m just a regular guy. My parents scraped together enough to buy a home, because they wanted to raise 2 boys here.”
Now, Raymond Marra is telling that story.
It’s not everyone’s Westport. But it’s his. And we can all learn from it.
(“Finding My Way in Westport” is available at RaymondCMarra.com.)
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Super interested to read this book. After 20 years in Westport, and being close to youth sports and many high school programs, there is no question about the natural pressures that exist to exceed and excel. Nobody knows more than Dan Woog, being part of the soccer legacy, which in both guys and girls soccer, maybe set the tone and the incredible success pattern we have today across all sports. While i cannot speak about neighboring towns, i will put Westport against any town in the country today, in the fostering of sports culture, led by incredible coaches, captains, senior players and boosters. In almost all sports and activities, every season and every year, the older players take the freshman and sophs, under their wings. The inclusion and support creates this family unit and bond that becomes bigger than the sport. We are building a culture that lasts forever, and so many kids drive strength and success from that, which will help make their lives bigger and better years down the road!
Just ordered a copy, congratulations to the author and looking forward to a great read!
I plan on reading it. I was looking for it at Barnes and Noble in the Westport authors section. They haven’t heard about it yet.
Hi Loretta, thank you for your interest. My memoir was recently published so the physical book stores don’t yet have copies. But you can buy online at Barnes and Noble. It is sold through their website. Just search by book name. I hope you enjoy it. You can also find a direct link from my website. Raymondcmarra.com.
“Finding My Way in Westport is a must-read. Whether you’ve lived in Westport for decades or are just discovering our town, the journey the author takes you on will keep you engaged from beginning to end. It’s a heartfelt and compelling story that makes it hard to put the book down. It’s exciting to see such a talented new local author, and I look forward to reading his next book!”
First, my hat is off to Raymond for having the courage in sharing his feelings about a part of his life which was apparently difficult for him. He is only a year older than me and we both attended Bedford and Staples in the same era, but the contrast in what he describes in this story and my experiences are quite different.
Honestly I had a great time from Saugatuck all the way through. Like the author, I didn’t play sports as I worked after school and was no great athlete anyway, but that was never a factor in my social life.
I was hardly Ferris Bueller but did have a sense of humor and had a good many friends, some whom I’m still in contact with to this day. Maybe I’m glossing over things, but I just don’t remember Westport schools being super competitive back in the 70’s and experiencing a lot of pressure. I graduated in the 3rd 5th of my class of ~650 and maybe if I applied myself more I would have done better academically but life turned out just fine for me.
Anyway, congratulations on the book and good luck!
I received a copy of the book (from Amazon) yesterday, and quickly glanced over it – a deep read comes later From what I have read, it is engaging reading well done. I had a very similar background – moved to Westport in 1965, graduated Staples 1974, went to Bedford Jr, we vacationed on the Cape for 3-4 weeks every year (in our case, Wellfleet), went thru the Longshore Sailing School program from basic boating to large boat racing (and then spent my summers sailing), my mom worked for a realtor in the mid-late 1970’s, had to deal with the “greasers” at an even earlier age (since I went to Saugatuck), had long hair in Junior High (it looked like a lopsided brownish-red afro!), and I even worked at the Friendly’s he mentions since the day they opened (which is why I cut my hair!). I had the same angst most teenagers had growing up, especially in a town like Westport. But my experience was much different – I had friends from all cliques (is that still a word?), I worked at Friendly’s, I played Ultimate Frisbee, I was in Boy Scouts earlier and even “attempted” Little League, was in the Great Race every year except the first, hung out with the computer geeks in Building 9, had mostly AP classes my senior year, was part of the “senior prankster committee” our senior year (hopefully the statute of limitations are up!), had all-night poker games with friends when we were back home for summer breaks, while in college I did revolutionary war reenactments. And like Tom Duquette (who’s family was on my paper route), I am still connected to some of those friends. But in the end, 50 or so years later, I think most of us turned out OK.
Ed, our lives ran parallel for a for years. I have to look you up
In my yearbook. Where are you now?