Raymond Marra: Finding His Way In Westport

Everyone’s Westport is different.

Growing up here, our lives are shaped by our families, friends, neighborhoods, schools and activities.

But with the passage of time, many of us look back at our young years with fondness. The tough days disappear. We remember the good times.

Raymond Marra has a different perspective.

Raymond Marra

His parents moved here in 1965, when he was in 4th grade. They were drawn by the “schools, opportunity, and exposure to people who might elevate rather than limit us.”

All that was true, Marra says. At the same time, he felt out of place in this “affluent, competitive” town.

He struggled in school. He did not play sports. Friendships were “shallow and fleeting.”

Much of his childhood was shaped by “relentless bullying, intimidation, humiliation, and quiet self-doubt.” He did not know who he was, and could not imagine what he would become.

But the Staples Class of 1974 graduate was shaped too by a “fiercely independent mother” and a “brilliant, exacting father.” They instilled in him “resilience, discipline and an unspoken expectation to rise.”

Six decades later, he has tried to explain all those thoughts, feelings, contradictions and concerns. He’s written “Finding My Way in Westport: A Memoir of Discipline, Rebellion, and Resistance.”

It’s an exploration of how “what seemed an idyllic suburban town on the surface became the place where (he) first learned about pressure, expectations, resilience and independence.”

Marra began writing stories of his youth — challenging, funny, important, mundane, from Kings Highway Elementary, Bedford Junior High and Staples — on his iPhone, as a way to leave a legacy for his daughter. His parents, he says, had many stories, but never wrote them down.

After a while, he realized he had enough for a book. He’s not an author — he’s spent 40 years selling security systems to corporations — but the vignettes formed 40 chapters.

They range far and wide. He writes about his mother, a realtor who “went on strike” for a long while, checking out emotionally from her family. (She also had the “guts and balls” to approach Paul Newman at Silver’s. And, Marra says, she eventually “came back” from what seems to be depression.)

Readers who know Marra have said they are surprised to read some details of his childhood, but now understand where he gets his drive.

People who do not know him — particularly young people —  may relate, he says, to someone who gets knocked down, but stands up for himself.

Bedford Junior High School (now Saugatuck Elementary) was not an easy place for an unsure 7th through 9th grader. 

After that turbulent youth, Marra returned to the area.

Why?

“I love Westport,” he says simply. (Marra lives in Weston, but is here almost every day.)

Seeing a place like Mitchells (where his father bought suits) and the Washing Well (where he went 60 years ago with his father and brother) helps ground him.

“My memories are great, despite all the troubles,” Marra says. “This is a great community. It has so much to offer.

“I’m just a regular guy. My parents scraped together enough to buy a home, because they wanted to raise 2 boys here.”

Now, Raymond Marra is telling that story.

It’s not everyone’s Westport. But it’s his. And we can all learn from it.

(“Finding My Way in Westport” is available at RaymondCMarra.com.)  

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