Susan O’Brien is a licensed clinical social worker. She has a master’s degree from Columbia University School of Social Work, and over 35 years’ experience supporting children, adolescents and adults across both private practice and public counseling settings. Her expertise extends to school consulting.
Susan leads discussion groups focused on child development and parenting, providing guidance and insight to families navigating the challenges of raising healthy, resilient children. She specializes in sleep, nutrition, anxiety and discipline strategies in young children.
With summer near, she looks at the way children will spend their time — and parents’ expectations for it. Susan writes:
Every June, I start hearing the same worries from parents. They feel like they need to line up camps, classes, sports and activities so their kids have a “good” summer.
I understand that. But in my work, I also see how much some children need a break — not just from school, but from always being on the go.
Susan O’Brien
Of course, camps and organized activities can be wonderful, and many families need them. But when every hour is planned, kids do not always get much time to just be kids.
A little boredom is not a bad thing. It is often when children get creative, figure things out on their own, or learn how to make their own fun.
In Westport, it can be easy to feel like summer has to be packed and productive. But a good summer does not have to be impressive. Sometimes it is a slow morning, a bike ride, time at Compo Beach, or a stop at the library. Those simple moments can do more for a child than we realize, especially when they also give families time to slow down together.
I have seen kids who are exhausted by the end of the school year move right into a summer that feels just as busy. I have also seen how much children respond when life gets a little quieter.
They open up more. They seem less tense. And parents often tell me that the best parts of summer end up being the small, unplanned ones.
That said, a slower summer is not realistic for everyone. Many parents are working, and doing the best they can.
This is just a reminder that children do not need every minute filled. Even a few quieter moments, dinner together, a walk after work, sitting outside at the end of the day, can go a long way.
What kid doesn’t like climbing on the lifeguard stand? (Photo by Ashley Carcara; editing by Melody Stanger)
For many children, what matters most is not the big outing or the perfectly planned day. It is feeling noticed. A real conversation in the car, sitting together at the beach, making dinner, or just putting your phone down for a few minutes can help a child feel connected and valued. Those small moments often stay with them longer than we think.
Years from now, kids usually will not remember every camp, class or activity. They are more likely to remember the feeling of summer at home — lazy mornings, popsicles after the beach, catching fireflies, or having the time to simply hang around with the people they love. That is often what makes a summer feel full in the first place.
A lot of parents want to give their children more unstructured time, but honestly do not always know how. Summer can feel like something that has to be managed, especially when there is pressure to keep kids busy, off screens, and “making the most” of every week.
For many families, unstructured time sounds good in theory but feels uncomfortable in practice, because no one really taught parents how to leave space without feeling like they are falling short.
Sometimes it helps to think of unstructured time as leaving breathing room in the day instead of doing nothing at all. Parents can protect a few open hours with no planned activity. Keep simple things available, like art supplies, books, balls, or sidewalk chalk, and resist jumping in too quickly when a child says, “I’m bored.”
Let kids find books — then settle down to read.
A little guidance is fine. But children often do better when adults set the stage, and then step back.
The goal is not to create a perfect free-range summer. It is to make enough room for imagination, rest, and ordinary family life to happen.
We all want to give children what they need. Sometimes that means opportunities and structure.
But sometimes it also means letting them be bored, letting them slow down, and giving them more time with the people who make them feel safe.
That may end up being one of the most important parts of summer.
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I agree! In the 50’s I laid in the clover in our front yard and stared at the clouds, rode my bike around town looking to play any sport that was in season and the only thing that was on my schedule were Cub Scout meetings. Summers lasted for what seemed forever!
I wholeheartedly agree with Susan’s assertions!
Downtime leads to the strengthening of the important skill of figuring things out when no one is telling you what to do.
When the summer is slower and some days even drag a bit, a child might, by the conclusion of it, feel rested and nourished…and might even end up looking forward to school starting again! (or at the very least, not feel exhausted by always being on-the-go)
I think a kid’s summer vacation ought to be a reset, not a fill-in.
Susan has perfectly captured the summer experience my sister and I had back in the 60’s and early 70’s. My family didn’t have the finances to pack us off to camp. We weren’t athletes and our parents didn’t push us into sports leagues. Instead they gave us a wonderful gift, they mostly left us to our own devices for entertainment.
We played with other kids in our Valley Road neighborhood, rode bikes, read books outside under a shade tree, swam in our uncle’s pool next door, sold tomatoes and yellow squash from our dad’s garden from a card table at the end of our driveway, went fishing off the Saugatuck River (now Cribari) bridge, and just lived an unstructured carefree summer. It was fabulous and I would not trade it for anything.
I wholeheartedly agree. I have fond memories of looking up at the clouds and find shapes, looking at the trees sway in the breeze, etc. But I think nowadays screens play a big role in why parents have filled their children’s schedules with camps and activities.
No matter what a parent might try (pickle ball games in the driveway, sidewalk chalk, lemonade stands, library books on the coffee table, modeling good old-fashioned fun, embracing boredom) I hear from many parents that there seems to constant pull from screens.
Over the years many parents have told me that they keep their kids’ schedules packed with classes and sports so that they don’t have to compete with screens. While I can understand this, and I really love the idea of a more lazy summer with meandering days,
I think it’s hard and important to recognize the challenge that screens pose to many parents and families. I think it takes a village with lots of kids disconnected together and families who share the value of screen-free time.
One more thing I wonder about: When students play games on their Chromebooks during school hours I wonder if that makes it more challenging for them to choose to spend some unstructured time finding shapes in the clouds or building a fort when they come home from school (but use of Chromebooks and playing games on them during school hours could be another OpEd article!).
Anyway, thank you for the good reminder to build in some time for lazy afternoons and unstructured time! I’m ready! 🙂
I played miniature golf almost every evening with Nick Tiberio, in the late 1950s. He lived a five minute walk from the golf range.
I worked:
Howard Johnson ice cream wagon with a beach umbrella at the gay beach
NYC Parks Department as a early morning beach cleaner with a long steel stabber
Breezy Point Surf Club cabana boy💰
What a great post when we need it most. Thank you! It takes me right back to being a young kid in suburban Chicago in the ’70s, a lot like Westport. (Part of what drew me here years ago)
One of my best friends from growing up is now also a social worker/therapist who writes about parenting as well, Lynn Zakeri. Through the years I’ve had this exact question- how to build in that downtime and have a summer they’ll remember- with parents both working.. and knowing that things are so different now than they were in the 70’s & 80’s when we grew up. Here’s one of her notes to me that fits perfectly w/ Susan’s post today- i’ll put it here:
Yeah, kids often remember accomplishments more than we expect, finishing a book, learning to cook something, getting better at a skill they chose. Unstructured time is definitely an opportunity for memories and creativity, and most of our kids can’t (for whatever reasons) be left alone to figure it out, nor should they be handed a schedule, but teamed with, given real choices, and trusted with increasing responsibility. Something as simple as “what does our week look like, what do I, the parent need logistically, and what do you want this week to have in it?” Parents can supply a menu or even better brainstorm one.
Kids who help shape their own time are far more likely to enjoy it and far less likely to spend it demanding you entertain them… or pushing limits and boundaries around your own rules. The goal isn’t a perfect free-range summer or a perfectly planned one. It’s memorable in ways that work for you and for your children.
As a classroom teacher of 20 years I can say that children not being ok with being bored has lead to so many difficult classroom behaviors as well as an overdiagnosis of ADHD.