Westporters are justifiably proud of the Staples High School sports program.
Teams win championships, and represent their community well. Strong coaching staffs teach skills and sportsmanship, and impact their student-athletes positively by teaching life lessons on and off the fields and courts.
But in recent months, several Staples High School athletic coaches have been told their contracts will not be renewed, after complaints from a very small number of parents. At least one resigned, also after parental pressure.
A much larger group of parents is concerned about the current Staples athletics environment. This weekend, they circulated a letter.
In just 2 days it was signed by over 225 parents, other community leaders, and former student-athletes.
Their goal is to fix a flawed system. They want to make currently opaque policies about the supervision and renewal decisions of coaches more transparent; ensure that a small group of parents do not have undue power over coaching decisions, and see that administrators and the Board of Education give coaches the tools to succeed, not terminate them without providing important feedback or support.
The letter signers offer solutions to fix the problem. They say:
Last week’s “06880” piece (“Parents, Coaches, and the State of Staples Sports”) is not unique to Westport.
But Superintendent of Schools Tom Scarice and our Board of Education have a unique opportunity to fix this problem here, in a way that sets a standard for towns across the state and beyond.
As people with a stake in getting this right — including former Staples student-athletes, and parents of Staples student-athletes past, present and future — we urge Mr. Scarice and the board to fix it, for the sake of our town, our dedicated coaches, and most importantly, our kids.
Dan Woog laid out the problem well: a broken system where high school coaches can be pressured to make coaching decisions, and even forced out of a job, by a small group of unhappy parents. A broken system where a long-tenured and highly successful coach beloved by most of his or her players can lose his or her job based on a single amorphous allegation of “lapse in judgment,” despite never having been trained or given constructive feedback on the issue at hand, and despite there being no clear policy in place that the coach was supposed to have followed.
The only common through-line we can see is that the coaches unfortunate enough to have been caught up in this are coaches who have been relentlessly targeted by a small group of unhappy parents.
We do not write this letter to shut parents up. Every one of us — every parent of any athlete in history, we’d bet — has been unhappy with their kids’ coaches at one time or another. Sometimes it is justified; sometimes not.
We respect the rights of individuals concerned about any child’s welfare to raise their concerns appropriately. But here’s the key: This town needs to put clear policies in place to ensure parental concerns are handled in a way that is consistent, transparent, timely, and fair, not just to the unhappy parents and kids, but to the rest of the kids on the team and to the coaches.
No one should accept a position, especially a coaching position, in Westport schools unless it is clear to them what is expected of them to excel, and what policies and best practices they are expected to follow, including how to deal with concerned (and potentially intrusive) parents.
Those policies are not in place in Westport today, and that has left all our coaches exposed to being suspended or “non-renewed” as a result of parental complaints for alleged conduct violations not covered in any policy. Coaches are being blindsided, having received no constructive or critical feedback on performance during the season or the previous seasons. Other employees are resigning or capitulating to parental pressure to keep their jobs.
No coach should want to work under these conditions.
Mr. Scarice and the Board of Education need to step up and reset. They should suspend all current actions against coaches until proper policies and procedures are adopted, so our coaches know what they’re aiming for — and can have confidence that they are being treated fairly when inevitable parent complaints arise.
We believe they should enact policies that:
- Clearly state written expectations for coaches and employees, with specific examples, which every student, parent, coach and teacher should be able to read and clearly understand;
- Provide a mechanism, and hold the administration accountable, for updating these expectations and policies as situations arise that are not clearly addressed, so all our coaches can benefit from lessons learned in particular sports;
- Prioritize the safety and well-being of the students during the year/season;
- Consider the risks and harm done to students where there is a suspension or investigation;
- Set expectations for how the administration evaluates and provides constructive feedback to employees — it should be in writing, and it should be timely;
- Enforce a consistent and transparent process for responding to (and, if necessary, escalating) student-athlete and parental criticisms or complaints about coaches; this policy should clearly address how to deal with parental complaints about coaching decisions such as starting lineups, playing time, and captaincies; and
- Fully spell out the potential consequences for violating the policies.
These policy improvements, needed now, are long overdue.
Sports are a wonderful way to teach our kids critical life lessons, including how to handle disappointment.
Right now, the way we treat long-tenured and dedicated coaches is teaching our kids exactly the wrong lessons: that if a parent can reframe disappointment in coaching decisions as a coach having been “vindictive” (an argument any parent can always try to make), that’s the ticket to getting rid of a coach.
We should instead be teaching our kids how to deal with disappointment, while also modeling a system of constructive feedback and clear expectations that improves our sports programs, while treating everyone — including our coaches — fairly.
Mr. Scarice and the Board of Education owe it to our town, our student-athletes, and every employee to get this right, and set our town up as the best place in the state for coaches to work and student-athletes to compete.
The letter was signed by over 225 parents of current and former student-athletes; former student-athletes, and other community members.
Natalia and Claudio Alarcon-Frias
Rafael and Maria Alfaro
Suzanne and Josh Allen
Eva Amurri
Rahul and Meredith Anand
Eva and Kevin Audit
Nancy Austin and Al Gratix
Stephen Axthelm
Candace Banks
Diana and Pete Barnes
Jen and Ken Barnes
Chris Barnett
Caroline and Craig Barney
Christina Bassler
Peter Bassler
Michael Beebe
Sophie Blondeau
Sam Bowlby
Brandi and David Briggs
Adam Brodsky
Melissa and Grant Byczek
Mafe Cala and Ricardo Ceballos
Ali and Michael Cammeyer
Carolyn and Lee Caney
Aly and Bobby Christoph
Robin and Pierre Chung
Jeff Clachko
Luciano and Leila Cocito
Andrew Colabella
Darrin Cozzolino
Louisa and Peppe D’Amore
Barbara Jean Davis
Jonathan and Erica Davis
Lisa Dearbourne
Karen and Paul DeDomenico
Stephanie and Mac DeVito
Anna and Danny DeVito
Sam and Julie Diederich
Frank DiScala
Jennifer and Tim Dolnier
Joanna, Jack and Drew Douglas
Greg Downes
Cherie Duque
Julia and Anel Dzafic
Cindy and David Eigan
Robin Eisenberger
Jason Epstein
Julia and Collin Felleman
Bettina and David Fiore
Patrick Fontana
Daniela and Mike Forde
Mary Garone
Steve and Nicole Gerber
Joan and Ted Gillman
Stephanie and Steve Girling
Marty and Cathy Gitlin
Deb and Matt Goldfarb
Lynn Gonsor
Ram and Srividya Gorre
Shayna and Andy Green
Zack Gross
Trudie Gubitz
Margaret Armstrong, and Barry and Bruno Guiduli
Kim Gullens
Jacque and Chuck Haberstroh
Robin and Allon Hellman
Karen Hess
Lisa and Jay Hill
Jonathan, Amy and Jackson Hochhauser
Jeff and Amelia Holl
Sam and Lara Jacob
Wendy and Richard Jones
Meredith and David Kamo
Rinat and Victoria Khisyamov
Jean and Mark Kirkham
Matt and Kendall Kremer
Sandra and Greg Krenzer
Marcio and Patricia Krug
Jeffrey Lampert
Dean Landis
Allan and Caroline Landis
Andy and Nicole Laskin
Sal Liccione
Brett and Jennifer Lieberman
Jason Little
Donald Lowman
Alyson Luck
Patty Lynch
Maryanne and Dean Martire
Jennifer and Jimmy McGeehan
Danielle and John McGrath
Kevin McGrath
Patrick and Morgan Mermagen
Alex and Jeremy Metz
Bill Mitchell
Sandro and Eduarda Moreno
Sile Marrinan and Colin Morris
Rich Morse
Merri and Adrian Mueller
Katherine and Austin Murray
Janine and Tony Nashawaty
Steve O’Dell
Liz and Doug Pardon
Meena Pellerin
Rolando and Angelica Perez Elorza
Rick and Kim Perlen
John Petrsoric
Maria Petti
Swapna Podlich
Mackenzie and Thomas Pretty
Lori, Chris and Zach Pulichino
Gustavo and Daniela Reyna
Ana and CJ Rinaldi
Rima Fawaz and Leonel Rodriguez
Brant Root
Caio and Danielle Rossoni
Mark Rubino
Parma Ayodhimani and Bala Sathyanarayanan
Jordan Schur
Karen and Robert Scott
Neal and Michelle Seideman
Beth and Dan Selig
Stefanie and Stephen Shackelford
Ken Shapiro
Courtney and Matt Shiel
Nicole and Isaac Sine
Chandy Smith
Kathryn and Jim St. Andre
Meredith and Jon Stoler
Will and Susan Suarez
Cindi and Nick Sunjka
Joanna and Tom Triscari
Vanessa Valadares
Jeff and Sam Vannart
Ted and Stephanie Vergakis
Kecia and Greg Von der Ahe
Kathy and Colin Walker
Scott and Lisa Waller
Jeff Warshaw
Niccola and Gavin Whitaker
Jim and Lizzie Wolf
Andy and Jessica Wolff
Janet and Howard Zev
Rong and Kevin Zhu
[Full disclosure: I served as the Staples varsity soccer coach from 2003 to 2021. I was an assistant coach for over 20 years before that. — Dan Woog, executive editor, “06880”]
Though I do not know the circumstances of any of these dismissals,
as a former high school teacher and principal, I am shocked that a cabal of parents can be successful in getting terminated a tenured teacher of athletics or anything else…for what purpose does our school board and superintendent think tenure exists?
That’s part of the issue, Dan. There is no tenure, or any protection like a union or other support organization for coaches.
Had no clue about that; how stupid, seeing that pissed off parents now seem to have sway over the future of coaches.
Have a lawyer draw up an ironclad contract to protect the part-time coaches and then form a three person arbitration board to settle issues. It won’t stop a lawsuit from a upset parent but it will set up some kind of system of justice and maybe some of the bullying? This is rather sophomoric as it stands now. Hardly what you would expect from an “elite” school.
Spoiled entitled parents raising spoiled entitled kids in the case of soccer and sadly being empowered by a rudderless leadership.
This issue would have been unimaginable when I played football for Frank Dornfield, Mike Chappa and ZPaul Lane 1958-1961!!!!!!!
Money is power, these days. When I played two sports at Staples, you kept your mouth shut and did what the coach told you. Any complaints to one’s parents fell on deaf ears. But now you have a program hosting 40 sports, facilities comparable to many colleges and parental involvement from the very early stages of their children’s participation. With this trend, especially the later point, you have promulgated expectations of success for your child and his/her team. And with a town full of overachievers and high income families, you have opened the door for confrontation such as discussed the blog article. IMO, it is far too late. The ship has sailed. You have created this Blue Ribbon School, which seems to be above any critical reproach and now you want to treat the coaches nicely? They are at the bottom of the pecking order. Ask any teacher or even those in administration, I will bet they have all been bullied by the bombastic “ME!!!”
You can’t stop wacked parents from bitching. But you can stop the administration from reacting unprofessionally and terminating coaches. Scarice needs to step up.
For the first time ever it seems that everybody is on the same page from that list of names to most of the comments. Our coaches and most all sports programs and facilities are underfunded and lack the support needed to pave the way for the future of Westport Staples athletics. VJ is trying hard but needs those resources. We have the best universities around the country taking Staples students because our extracurriculars in athletics and arts complement our academic success. If we dont get the support for the coaches and programs re-aligned, it will get incredibly challenging to keep up the success and we will lose our best people.
I had a fellow dog walker-father of a Staples football team member say to me: “We got sick of Coach P and got rid of him.” Startled, I told him that not only did Coach P recreate the football program at Staples but he also lived in Ridgefield and wanted to be closer to his two young daughters. But the gall of this guy. I think, however, it is typical of many parents here. They have been sold how excellent the schools are here and that has poured over to sports where it remains super competitive.
Has there been any reporting on exactly what happened to cause the non-renewal of the contract? Seemingly everyone knows the details, or at least think they do, but whatever they are, they seem to have been spread by word of mouth.
Obviously the school can’t say anything but, by the way the petition was framed, it seems like something happened, just not something that was strictly prohibited by policy? Was anyone there to observe what really happened?
Bill I believe lots know but are afraid to speak up. Now that’s a bigger problem.
But Dan’s on it, so it will be resolved and Scarice will write a long note detailing everything so the Town knows there was no shenanigans on his watch.
This should not fester. You know how the rags eat this stuff up and they would love a dirty little story about Westport. 😱
Fear isn’t the issue, and the details aren’t the point, beyond the basic fact that no fireable offenses have occurred. The issue is the predictable formula:
1) minor incident occurs and coach handles it in a way that resembles all such situations across decades of high school athletics
2) entitled student-athlete doesn’t get what he wants on the field of play or in the locker room and complains to parents
3) entitled parent uses earlier incident as lever to force the school administration to get involved
4) school buckles under pressure from the loud, angry parents rather than listen to the reasoned support from the vast majority of team members and parents and throws said coach under the proverbial bus
As suggested elsewhere in these comments, a contract that offers protection for the coaches and lays out procedures to address complaints—taken seriously but not given inappropriate weight out of fear on the part of the school—seems to be an important part of the solution.
I was an educator for 48 years ending my career as Principal of Staples High School for 11 years. one of the most difficult parts of my job was dealing with matters described in this post. When someone’s daughter or son didn’t make the junior or senior varsity team or get chosen as a captain, some parents (not all) immediately complained about the coach: “The coach is playing mind games with my child. The coach has it in for my child, etc”. Some complaints were downright nasty. When the dust settled, most of the time the real issue was that the child simply met with others more talented. it is part of life. The child may have been playing that sport since kindergarten receiving acclaim at the end of every season, but as one moves up the grades she/he competes with a smaller and more talented group of athletes. at some point, the athlete is no longer the best.
I have no idea how this gets resolved. I suppose clearer standards for coaches are needed. There will always be some coaches who need to be removed for just cause, but there will always be a few parents who want to protect their child from disappointment and go after the coach. Good luck to everyone who will work on this matter. There are so many good and wholesome lessons learned from playing sports. I certainly hope this gets resolved quickly so Staples High School can continue to bring pride to our community. We are recognized, with good reason, for our stellar academic programs, our arts programs, and our athletic programs. I hope we get this right.
John, thanks for your detailed response.
I would just like to add one point from my perspective as someone who played varsity soccer in high school and college—a sport that, as many know, does not have a lot of stats that quantify a player’s performance.
While the stars are readily recognizable, the truth is there are a number of complementary players as well. And, frequently, it’s hard to distinguish between one complementary player and another in terms of who deserves to start, etc—and the playing time can fluctuate depending on various factors.
Parents who never played competitive sports might not truly understand this. And of course their family bias will most likely impact their assessment of the situation.
Having said that, I still think it would be in everyone’s interest for parents to remain out of the picture with respect to registering complaints about coaches unless it is the type of problematic conduct that legitimately warrants the parents to come forward.
Great idea Fred…you’re in charge of parents 😜
Amen, long overdue
I read this post and the bad memories flooded back, and felt this issue in the pit of my stomach, dealing with this issue even 15 years later. Although not in sports but ballet and dance, I have a professional dancer daughter with some major ballet companies back in the day from age 14 on, dancing some in NYC with a major dance company. The amount of parental politics, pressure, trying to sideline dancers with major talent of which my daughter was one, so their mediocrely talented child could be highlighted, it was one of the most painful and ridiculous experiences in our lives. Directors apologized to me, my daughter continued, silent and with good will and eventually won in her life. Her character remains intact and she is living a beautiful life in spite of her childhood being tainted by the politics of some parents pushing their children with coaches, teachers ,directors, etc. We dealt with serious issue for years. It is so destructive especially to our children.
Parents who have the power and money tried to control the casting and ones who didn’t have as much, well, got pushed aside at times..how disgusting really. But in the end, no one can keep true goodness and talent down. I knew first hand the heartache the teachers and directors experienced. They had threats of pulling financial, theatre’s etc if certain children whose parents had the most influence weren’t cast and frankly, brought the quality of any production way down as their child couldn’t perform up to standards. When are we going to stop this!
So sorry, Westport but glad Dan is willing to address this. I know parents who dealt with this on sports as well
Same issue different activity This involves teaching our children right values. Hope you win.
This letter serves no purpose. The 7 points are generic and don’t address the core issue – parents. Scarice and the AD are ultimately in charge of oversight and/or any process that determines how a coach is hired/fired and managed once on-board. Other than obvious ethical & moral accusations that must be treated immediately and sensitively, all other parent input should be a simple “thanks for the input, buh bye”. Parents should be there to support the team-period. Not weigh in on personnel matters and/or game tactics. I’ve personally witnessed parents at end of season banquets immediately verbally attack a coach once the event ended because their kid wasn’t named a captain for the next season (and their kid shouldn’t have been IMO)!! Unfortunately, that behavior is considered normal in Westport and the coaches are left to deal with it with very little involvement and support from the AD/Scarice – especially the “minor” sports (e.g., tennis) where only a concentrated set of parents & kids are involved so a few bad parent apples can make alot of noise & trouble for the coach. Not clear what this letter is intended to do when the parent community seems to be more of the issue-perhaps parents should start telling other parents who create some of these issues to settle down.
Somehow, I just don’t see this type of scenario playing out on Jim Calkins’ watch. Westport hasn’t changed much in the last 50 years. As the “boss man” said to Cool Hand Luke (Paul Newman SHS ‘70) “What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.”
Calkins wanted to make Staples into an “elite high school.” Elite high schools have systems in place to avoid these issues. Go blowing your horn at the coach at Choate or Andover and see what happens. You are shown the door.
Thank you E Glass for your comment. It is proof that new policies and procedures are needed. It is not constructive or fair to compare those of us who signed this letter to anyone protecting pedophile priests. The whisper campaigns have to stop. This letter is not weighing into the facts, rather we are calling for reforms.
Reforms that will better protect all athletes and coaches and result in a more transparent and fair process. It would be more helpful for you to share which recommendations you disagree with and why.
That’s exactly right! The purpose of the letter above that you commented, that I signed, is calling for better oversight, an improvement in policy, procedure and process. Which, if such were in place, would prevent that and what is currently going on.
Ethan – your response here while lengthy is highly hypocritical. On the one hand you say there are three sides to every story yet you claim to have VERIFIED concerns. I happen to have VERIFICATION that the claims are nonsense. Which is it? Your response is clearly siding w/ those that made the allegations as you have stated you are close friends with them. You say “what is the truth? Who really knows” but that’s not what you are saying at all. Your response is basically the pot calling the kettle black. If the letter that I signed will do nothing, what are your expectations for your seemingly just as waste of a time response?
Parent involvement has been up-and-to-the-right since I became president of the WSA 4-5 years ago.
While there is most definitely some constructive parent involvement, the frequency of unconstructive feedback is up significantly: trying to handpick coaches, unproductive dialogue with coaches, misrepresentation of facts surrounding incidents, unwarranted escalation. All leading to a work environment for the coaches that can be more difficult, complicated and stressful.
When incidents are escalated at the WSA (a volunteer-driven organization), situations are investigated with an open-mind. The WSA, along with the coaching director, assesses the coach over an extended period of time and aims to respond appropriately. This often includes supporting that coach with additional resources or oversight from the coaching director and a clear understanding of the expectations. HS coaches should expect nothing less.
We can speculate about the drivers of parents’ increased involvement, but it’s most definitely linked in part to the magnitude of resources (both time and money) invested by parents in their kids’ athletics at younger and younger ages, along with other broader shifts (away from unstructured play; sport-specificity at younger ages). The trend is problematic, but parents are responsible for keeping this “investment” from leading to entitlement, and coaches need more protection given these trends.
HS coaches deserve (i) to feel supported by the community, parents and, most importantly, the administration, and (ii) clearer standards and policies.
Spot on. In our litigious society, anyone who believes that a coach was fired or not renewed simply as a result of some baseless complaints is silly. No doubt the school and admin investigated, collected info, involved authorities, and probably checked with the school’s attorney. A single incident can be a random event or misinterpretation. Two incidents could be coincidences. Multiple incidents over multiple years, with multiple parent complaints suggest there is something more serious here. As you said in your post, none of the people so passionately calling for change were in the room where it happened. Your priest analogy is a stretch, but the pattern here is indeed similar. The supporters seem to suggest that if it didn’t happen to their kid, then it never happened at all and the entire community must rally to support the priests. I’m all for transparency but these are kids and the entire world doesn’t need to hear about, dissect, and render biased opinions about what happened to them. The system worked because the administration took action. Calling for a new system because someone didn’t like the outcome is far worse than a parent lodging a supposedly baseless complaint about a coach.
Nobody is asking for a new system. They are asking for there to actually be a system. Your comment about about anyone being not renewed because of baseless complaints being silly is simply wrong and condescending. I suggest you check your facts because there are coaches who have been not renewed who have not had a single complaint lodged against them but are being not renewed for coming to the defense of their fellow coaches. Imagine that.
Ethan Glass – It is very interesting that you assert there were “very long and very detailed investigations”. I don’t know how as “an outsider”, as you claim to be, you have been able to have access to such clarity, and reference places and events.
This proposal is not looking to litigate the veracity of any accusations. That is for the administration to do, armed with processes and policies. As a parent who signed this proposal, I have witnessed the damage caused to all sides affected by this situation. I have also sought clarity from the administration, without success, on several key issues: What policies or procedures were broken? What due process was followed during the investigations? Where real witnesses (those “in the room where it happened”) questioned to ensure a fair assessment? And what risks, if any, were our children exposed to?
Unlike you, I am a parent of a Staples athlete, and do not consider myself an outsider, but I also cannot claim to have the knowledge of all the facts. However, what I do know is that we could be part of the solution encouraging the administration to have a more forthcoming dialog and explore ways to improve policies and procedures which is in the best interest, and for the protection of all.
As an afterthought to my comment above: The administration since I was at Staples has urged all parents to take an interest in their children’s studies and life at Staples; Booster Clubs are formed, mothers are urged to take part in out of class activities, attend all the wonderful concerts, etc. Now that they are totally engulfed in school activities, you want them to back off when it comes to sports? I might further add that as a former federal attorney, I would suggest an IRONCLAD contract as well as set up an arbitration board to review any complaints or malfeasance. This will not stop any parental litigation but can be used to protect the coaches to some extend.
Please add my signature to the letter. Having lead/run Westport Softball for 14 years I can say it is a complicated question. We chose to form a Softball Executive Committee (thanks Amy Bauer, Eric Levin and Mike Lustbader) so we could evaluate parental concerns and coaches behaviors. Obviously this very different than what happens in the official educational sphere but we oversaw your childrens’ athletic and socio-athletic development at the time, and I believe we served them well. I firmly believe in youth sports as a theater in which kids can learn success and failure in a controlled environment and went for my MS in it in my 50’s. So, yeah, choose your coaches carefully (and you will be wrong sometimes), have oversight but do not allow the helicopter parents to dictate. Select good leadership.
Is this a problem in other towns like Fairfield or Norwalk or maybe New Haven, which has multiple high schools?
It is a problem all over the country . . . especially in affluent areas.
Howard County in Maryland , where we currently live, has 78 schools: 42 elementary schools, 20 middle schools, and 14 high schools. If they have similar issues, it must be earth shattering with 78 schools.
A “cabal of entitled parents” is a painful reminder of the parental complaints of children having to “walk home alone past tall bushes and trees” next to a community garden, amidst the threat of old people wielding shovels and rakes with intent to harm “the kiddos.”
Further, the inflammatory comments posted on this blog by cowardly imposters bring to mind the many such posts singularly directed at me.
Westport can be a very mean town.
I totally support Toni Simonetti.
Jack, The feeling is mutual!