The chatter is too loud to ignore. All around town, people are asking: What is happening with Staples High School sports?
Rumors abound: of parents demanding more playing time — and captaincies — for their kids. Of highly respected coaches being suspended, or not having their contracts renewed.
Of an opaque environment in which coaches have few rights and little guidance, athletes see so much yet have such little say, and rules — for players and parents — are not always followed.
[Full disclosure: I served as the Staples varsity soccer coach from 2003 to 2021. I was an assistant coach for over 20 years before that.]
The stories circulating around town involve several sports, and boys and girls teams. Details differ, but one element is the same: parental involvement in personnel issues.
High school coaches are not in the job for the income. They’re in it for the outcome.
They love their sport. They love their athletes. They love the chance to give back to both.
Several of the coaches affected by parental pressure are Staples graduates. Giving back to their alma mater is a gift they cherish.
No coach is loved by 100% of their athletes. That’s life.
No teacher is loved by 100% of their students, either. And no boss by 100% of their employees. That’s life too.
Here’s what else is life: Getting cut. Getting benched. Getting put in a new position. Not getting named captain. Not getting recruited.
Sports teaches many lessons, including how to deal with setbacks like those. Who hasn’t heard the story of Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team as a sophomore?
As a sophomore, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. The rest is history.
There are no Michael Jordans at Staples right now. There are just a few hundred boys and girls playing sports they enjoy, for competition and camaraderie and (in a few cases) college, with friends they like and coaches they (most of the time) admire and look up to.
But those coaches now operate in an atmosphere of uncertainty, even fear. They feel they can be targeted easily, by one or a few parents.
Coaching is stressful enough, without worrying about parental interference (or just the threat of it), compounded by educators unwilling to back their coaches, and give them the tools to succeed.
The troubling environment can continue after the season ends. Even after years of coaching, coaches may be held to inconsistent or unwritten expectations.
All they have is the good will of the athletes they’ve coached, and those athletes’ parents — along with their records, both those that can be quantified (wins and losses), and those that can’t (life lessons taught, impacts on players’ lives).
That means something. But, it seems, that does not mean enough when a parent complains.
The rumblings around town about Staples sports are real, and rising.
And the rumblings won’t go away. As in any sport, this won’t be over until the final whistle blows.
Sports are filled with intense highs — and disappointments too. All are part of the high school experience. (Photo/Brian Watkins)
Played sports through out my entire school experience. Even scholarship thru college and had many different coaches. Some I liked and some I didn’t but I never asked or had my parents fight my battles. Staples parents need to keep their entitled I know better attitude in check. Chances are you student is not the next Michael Jordan… so get over yourself! And leave the coaching to the coach.
Grow up Parents! Let your child face life on their own. None of us that played any sport at Staples was Super! A few went on to play in college but not many however it was a great teaching opportunity about life. If you want to get better or move off the bench develop a skill. I was The Long snapper! No I didn’t play every play at 6’1” 155 lbs but I never blew a snap in three years and I played on Every 4th down for three years. Let the coaches Coach! I became a catcher in college and caught a million innings of baseball practice . I never started a college game! I played because I loved the sport and was able to help my team. Parents let your kids coaches Alone! I’m Ashamed that some parents in Westport have stopped to this level. Grow up and let your children Grow up.
Great Article as always D. Woog — as someone who played 3 sports at Staples and in College D III which was amazing — Sports taught me life — celebration – Victory – friendship — Loss – disappointment – grief Sorrow and sadness– I’ve been approached by some parents to coach @Staples– I was like…no way.. Life is too good, and I see what happens @ Staples currently…SAD.
I can speak for boys football, lacrosse and basketball, and girls soccer and am truly amazed and awestruck at the dedication, passion and success that emanates from these programs. The coaches battle terrible resources with a tiny budget for all 35-40 sports programs we have, yet the championships and competition level akin to top private schools. I am sure some tough situations as athletics is a key component of the 3 legged stool of academics, athletics and arts and parents look at sports as an important cog to the success and future of a child. It stinks when parents lose control. I know Dan Woog gave his heart and soul to Staples soccer and still does, we just have to do our best to get the resources to attract and maintain the best people. Parents should be pushing the town to give more to the high school athletic programs and facilities. After all, we are the #1 public high school in the state.
I posted a comment in response to your story about Frank Henrick, which had to do with the invaluable lesson I learned from him my junior year when I was frustrated over my playing time with the varsity and I asked to transfer down to the intermediate team (which Frank rejected).
https://06880danwoog.com/2024/09/28/remembering-frank-henrick/?noamp=mobile#comments
What I did not note at the time was that at no point did my parents get involved in this—nor would that have ever been contemplated.
My question for Dan: roughly when did you first see parents getting involved with lobbying coaches on behalf of their kids—if that could be described as the correct term—and at what point did it go beyond trying to influence coaches (such as filing complaints)?
Finally, have the situations you described above also been the experience of those in charge of other extracurricular activities at Staples (such as Staples Players)?
Thanks.
Thanks, Fred. Great questions. I can’t speak to the extent or outcome of other extracurriculars at Staples, though I have heard anecdotally it happens.
As for when parents first became involved, I noticed an uptick in the early to mid ’00s. It’s only quite recently, however, that those complaints have resulted in suspensions and non-renewals of contracts.
There is a process that parents and athletes agree to, when they register for tryouts (though, like an Apple agreement, it may be simply clicked “yes”). It says that issues should be addressed in a step-by-step process: the coach first, then the athletic director, then the principal, then the superintendent. Parents occasionally jump the line — and occasionally get results, despite overwhelming support for the coach from the vast majority of other parents and players.
I know of at least one case where parents offered money to a music student’s tutor to not teach a student they saw as a competitor. It’s outrageous!
In the Wonder Years of sports, we played a ton of “pick up” games to learn the sport and there was no one there with a whistle to break up fights. We also played for FUN!!! That has changed dramatically. Now it is about getting a “ride” to college and PAL has become a revenue maker, not cops picking up a few bucks to umpire a game. I went to the 2nd game of the football season, after several years of hiatus this year, and saw the huge magnificent JUMBOTRON in the end zone and I realized that the sports climate had all changed. It was not about fun or even expanding your sexual prowess. It was, is and will be about MONEY! And, of course, showing off.
Thank you for addressing the root cause…money. Some families spend thousands on travel terms and feel this entitles them to”rights.” I was a lacrosse referee for over twenty years and saw the influence of money change the nature of parental behavior. High schools in general were “controlled.” Prep schools? That’s another story.
P.S. An example: The mother of my former next door neighbor, who was a two time State Champ in tennis, told me “my son doesn’t have time for things like the Senior Prom, he is too busy with practicing.” The kid got a ride, for two years, until he didn’t.
Ya can’t stop the music, but you don’t have to dance‼️
Why do school administrators dance to pushy parents ?
It’s not the parents, Pogo🙏
Sir Thomas: The parents have the MONEY! The coaches sure don’t, the administrators don’t and the Town turns the other way in such matters (e.g. hot dog stand at Longshore’s 9th). The pecking order has changed and the parents control. And their kids should know it.
Well stated, Dan. As a high school and D-1 football player (and H.S. wrestler back in Michigan in the ‘60s), the joys of winning and the pain and frustration of losing were character-builders. Parents stayed on the stands; coaches taught life-lessons about camaraderie, sportsmanship, and trust (in your teammates, “the plan,” and how learning is more important than the score). We were taught respect for our opponents, admiration for a job well-done, and to keep fighting until the final whistle, buzzer, or bell.
We did not play for “rides” or NIL. And, with all due respect to all sports participants … statistically, you are NOT good enough to make the pros. On the rare occasion (hat tip to Kyle Marino), you’ll get there, but look at ALL of the other participants against who you competed, and realize that the next RT for the Lions, LF for the Mets, or starting center for the Warriors, is NOT playing in Westport.
Enjoy the game on and off the pitch, field, or court. And, parents … stay in the stands where you belong … cheering, not jeering.
Our coaches are the driving force behind your child discovering and excelling in their unknown talents of athletics.
What’s even greater are the handful of coaches that graduated from Staples and live in town. We must continue to deliver that community relationship.
I personally know a few of them, such as girls golf, girls and boys soccer, football, tennis and track…you may not agree with them all the time, that does not mean to try to get them fired.
Some are fighting not to keep their stipend of a couple thousand, but because they LOVE what they do.
This article reminds me of why I chose to conclude my high school career as a wrestler after two years and focus my extracurricular energies on choral music (boys glee club, a capella choir and Orphenians). I had an interesting philosophical discussion with my coach when I informed him that I wouldn’t be returning but in the end “having fun” won out for me.
This phenomenon as well as the overall professionalization of high school athletics is directly linked to the use of athletics as a backdoor for otherwise marginal candidates to gain admission to elite colleges and universities, most often for wealthy candidates who can pay full tuition and spend lots of money on private year-round coaching. Eliminate athletic admissions and you immediately cure this problem.
And you eliminate a ton of top athletes, often of minority status and without money, getting an education or at least a degree. Money talks, nobody walks and now that we live amidst a billionaire administration, money is now Power!!
This is what happens when the inmates run the asylum. The town is turning into one big private school. People don’t like something, they have a temper tantrum and scream like little brats until it’s resolved to their desired outcome. Many of whom have outside relationships with these coaches: private lessons, babysitting, house sitting, dinners, you know, they become “part of the family”, the entire system is tainted, no poisoned. Once the administrators, ADs, whomever else cease defending the coaches and cave to the parents, that eliminates the possibility of a healthy system. Listen folks, YOUR KIDS ARE NOT PLAYING PROFESSIONAL SOCCER. Most of them won’t even play D-1, so cut the crap, let the coaches do their jobs, let teach the kids those lessons many of you seem not to be interested in teaching them yourselves, and stay the hell out of it.
“The town is turning into one big private school”
Pretty much says it all.
Except 43% of the Greens Farms Academy graduates don’t go to UCONN.
That’s a really odd comment and sounds like sort of a cheap shot at both Staples and UConn. Not sure what is wrong with UConn anyway but, being particularly bored, I thought I’d google it.
Last data for Staples that came up was 2023. 17 (3.9%) out of 436 graduates attended UConn.
https://westportjournal.com/education/3864-applications-later-where-staples-23-classmates-are-now/
As for GFA, out of the 91 identified 2024 college placements, 3 (3.3%) chose UConn.
https://www.gfacademy.org/academics/college-counseling/matriculation
Doesn’t seem that different. Maybe it was 43% in 2024? Or slipped a decimal point?
The 43% came from this blog with less than 5% from the class of 2024 going to Tier 1 schools. As a graduate of Staples, I know it is a college factory of which many of the best universities have become aware of . . . I believe they call it the “Staples clone.” One reason, Princeton, Harvard and Yale are looking to the inner city for potential attendees. Nothing against UCONN but for there is nothing to do in Storrs and it is ranked 30th among public universities in the country. I would think a clouted Blue Ribbon school system would produce better placement? You want your kiddo in an Ivy League school, you better look to private schooling.
I’m not sure where you got that number, Carl. My latest story says that 12 members of Staples’ Class of 2024 are attending UConn. That makes it #2 in popularity, behind Syracuse.
https://06880danwoog.com/2024/11/21/westport-teens-by-the-numbers/)
What has happened to parenting? Kids need to experience disappointment and defeat and deal with the consequences. Parents rushing to their kids’ defense does nothing to strengthen character. We are seeing it in academics, as well. Everyone gets an “A+”. As a Staples student, I experienced the heartbreak of not making it in a lot of things I tried out for. The possibility of my parents’ involvement never crossed anyone’s mind. Guess we could use a response from Westport administrators.
Thank you for writing this Dan. I can only speak for Boys Soccer, but what has happened over the past few years is a disgrace. I myself worked for Westport Public Schools as a teacher and had to quit, I was constantly feeling suffocated by the administration. Why? Because the admins are so afraid of the parents in this town. Afraid of being sued and God forbid someone’s child be benched, or not get enough playing time, the coach has to fear for their job? We are going to loose not only good coaches but teachers and other staff too if we continue to let parents, who can’t let their kids handle disappoint and real life, have this much power over people’s careers. I’m so glad my kids have graduated staples… I could not handle what is happening right now. The sports program has suffered tremendous loss.
First, I’m not nor have ever been an athlete. I was taken out of PE because my doctor stated I was a hazard to my own health. But in Staples I learned to work as a member of a team, to face disappointment, loss, and to not take everything as a personal insult.
These are lessons learned in school, whether in athletics, music or art programs. I wasn’t first chair in band – but I was third. I wasn’t the lead makeup artist for Players productions but I was just as proud of what I had contributed to the production or concert as the leads were, both back stage and on stage.
Parents please recognize that Johnny or Susie probably won’t be the next Michael or Elton or Pele. Those talents are not widely distributed and you should not force your kid to the forefront because you want your kid to be the best. Let the coaches and teachers continue to do the jobs they love and your kids learn all the lessons available instead of believing they are entitled and that mom and dad can make things happen with money or complaints or intimidation. Those things just set them up for dissapointment or more serious issues in the future.
Big topic, many issues, some generational. I am pleased that Dan Woog chose to express his thinking. That was one of my suggestions when Dan recently asked for input as to what, if any, changes he should make to his terrific blog.
Interesting observation of mine watching 20+ years of SHS sports parents. Most of loud-mouth, pushy, unrealistic expectation setting, coach interventionist parents rarely played sports themselves!!! Haven’t a clue about WHY it’s a draw for kids as so many here have articulated. Simply another activity for Johnny or Mary to “be the best” at for college admissions and/or fame & glory. Truly a sad state. Doesn’t help as ESPN FS1 etc has glorified the $ and swag of athletes. You see the ridiculous behavior of pro’s mimic’s by HS kids, and the coaches let it happen too for fear of backlash. All sad of course but Westport will unlikely change. Too much $ and self-absorbed parents prevalent in town. SAD
I’m so glad you wrote about the unfair treatment of Staples coaches. They need someone in their corner. And l’ll bet not enough people are aware of the power of the parents in and their trashing the coaches and intimidating the school administrators.
So many great responses to a well written article about a timely topic. Perhaps one can trace some of this attitude that parents have to the billion dollar business sports have become. Kids start playing on all these travel programs , get private coaching and then parents feel they are entitled to something after spending all this money on sports. By the time the kids reach high school the parents feel they know what should be happening on the field with regard to their child.
A good coach should be open to talking with his players but the players need to know where the line in the sand is drawn. An affective athletic director should have a system setup for evaluating coaches and if they are meeting those metrics they need to support their coaches.
Listening to someone as successful as Geno Auriemma talking about the kids today and this issue of the portal you can see how it perhaps filters down to the high school level. Some athletes have been at three or four different colleges, perhaps believing they haven’t been treated fairly when maybe they just need to dig in, work harder and they will then find the playing time and success.
It is a journey this thing we call life and sports can be a great way to prepare for it or not.
I write a lot about this issue (and other related ones) in my books GAME CHANGER, RIVALS and DINGED… and my upcoming book, THE RIGHT CALL, takes this on directly. It publishes April 15. Thanks for keeping this in the public consciousness Dan.
Thank you for getting this message out there. Those of us whose kids have learned and grown and developed grit thanks to great Staples coaches can certainly appreciate the value of keeping them. Your story should be read by the parents of every middle school athlete before they walk through the Staples gates.
My son played Varsity tennis at Staples…but it didn’t start that way. He tried out and didn’t make varsity. Kris Hrisovulos was the coach and of course my son was disappointed. We called Kris to ask him to speak to our son about why he didn’t make varsity. He did- basically- my son was skilled but he lost all his matches in tryouts mostly because of nerves. Kris encouraged him to stick with the JV and sure enough he started winning and moved to varsity mid season. the next season he was voted captain. It was a powerful lesson to my son and a great reminder for us as parents that facilitating discussion and not advocating or demanding a outcome is the right path. I have no idea what has happened that has led to Kris being ousted but it is quite sad given his track record and our experience with him as a coach.
I played for Kris on the staples varsity tennis team for two years and trained with him indoors year-round for even longer. At my best, I was a slightly above-average tennis player. Our varsity team played at a very high level, and as a result I would only get to start if we were playing a weaker team or had some injuries higher up on the singles ladder. Despite that, not a day went by when I didn’t feel like a valuable member of the team, and that was due to the leadership of our coach. Kris took the time to help me understand how I could still support and help my teammates even when I wasn’t always on the court, and that was a valuable lesson that I still carry with me to this day. I actually wrote an entire essay about that lesson when I was applying to medical school a few years ago.
I was shocked and saddened to see the news he had been dismissed, as I know this will be a massive loss for the staples boys tennis program. Kris wanted nothing but success for his players as both individuals and a team.
Dan, What has Tom Scarice to say on this matter? Have you asked him for a comment? Has he declined for reasons of pending litigation? After all, in terms of the “chain of responsbility” you outlined, he is the Admin Top. He must have approved the recommendation to terminate the tennis coach (r.e. pending litigation).
NOTE: Being concerned about the Social Media (and AI, etc.) and willing to be proactive on the issue is great, Tom. Nonetheless, THIS social issue has been a negative in people’s lives before now, is now, and will be be in the future, c.f. the “pay to play” parents recently prosecuted by the Feds. Pushing it under the wrestling mat by the School Board & Tom S will only make the mat stink more and sooner.
Just a 1st, & only, Alto Clarinent band member AKING.
Rob as someone very close to the situation the athletic director placed the non recommendation with Sacrice honoring it until the hearing. But the unfortunate part is those parties (AD, BOE, etc.) have listened to one family about an incident and have not done any other investigation, let alone support the tennis coach, but took the threat and made the non recommendation.
This is terribly sad to read. Helicopter parents are so difficult for the educators, coaches, and THE KIDS. If the parents are so focused on their kids level of involvement, send them to a sports academy. If they can’t make the cut, maybe the folks have to take a hard look at life and the lessons that can be learned. I coached my kids in soccer after finding a life time sport in jr. high and in high school even though I never got off the bench. All I ever wanted for my kids and for the kids I coached was to find something they enjoyed and maybe would carry to adulthood.
I know you put up with that, Dan. I have a few high school friends who’s kids played(or sat) at Staples and whined about it.
Seems like it’s time for the parents to grow up. But then, we’ve been saying that for generations…
Gosh, it is a bummer. I have to believe that some are unaware of how amazing the coaches are at Staples, many worthy of collegiate jobs. We hold the ones we have had as trusted members of our village. Our son is now a Junior in college and STILL has the unconditional support of his previous coaching staff leaning into them often for advice.
Lessons on the field or in a boat or on a bench transcend sports and strengthen resiliency. Riding the pine teaches everyone on and off the field what it means to contribute to and be part of a group. We are more proud of their responses to disappointment and failure than to success and glory. That’s where growth happens. As a parent, it rests on us to set the expectation that playing time is NOT the end goal. Enthusiasm, dedication, cooperation, hard work and development are the benchmarks that matter.
Team before self. Our attitude as parents either gives them permission to embrace it or complain about it. Being part of something at Staples with caring coaches is an anchor for which we should be grateful.
I am 20+ year resident of Westport and both my kids played varsity sports at Staples. I have also been a volunteer coach in town for 15 years and I know how difficult it can be to coach in this town. I can say with confidence, Staples has the BEST coaches in the entire state. These coaches work the tails off for very little financial reward. They do it because they love to lead, inspire and motivate our athletes to be the best they can be. They are not perfect, and sometimes make mistakes, but who hasn’t made a mistake?
Is winning at the HS level important? It sure is. Could you imagine the outcry if our teams weren’t successful? It’s very tough to balance between winning and being fair. Sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes playing time is not equal, but at the end of the day I think our coaches do a fantastic job getting the best out of these student athletes. There is not a better staff in the state.
We should be standing up and applauding our coaches not going behind their back when little Johnny wasn’t named captain of little Suzy didn’t get enough playing. Shame on you!
Some people may read this story and think every parent in Westport is spending their time calling coaches to lobby for more playing time or calling the athletic director or the school administers to complain. I do not believe that is the case at all.
By way of background, I have a son who is junior at Staples and a son who graduated from Staples in 2023 – football and lacrosse players. I have never heard any “chatter” about parents lobbying for their child to be a captain. I have never heard “rumblings” or “chatter” of any parent calling the coaches to lobby for more playing time for their children.
Both of these program are fortunate in that the coaches are true leaders of boys and young men. I think most parents with children in these programs agree.
Most of the comments on this story talk about how bad parents are, how everything has changed since they graduated from high school in the 60’s or 70s, etc…..
Don’t let the loudest voices in the room drown out the great things that are happening in sports at Staples. Most of the kids are great, most of the parents are great, most the coaches are great and most the administrators are great. For my kids I think Staples sports were the most meaningful part of their high school experience. I am a grateful parent.
Well said, Daniel Clark.
I’m only just getting started with a freshman at Staples playing his first sport this spring, but I believe the overwhelming majority of parents, players and coaches are doing things the right way.
You should have seen the parents, parent volunteers, parent boosters, helping at the Rugby sign-up event last week. It was fantastic. And the message from the coaches about their values and priorities / their teams’ core principles? Also fantastic. The statements from the current team captains. Absolutely fantastic.
When there are problems, they need to be pointed out and addressed – the best disinfectant is sunlight. So, thanks Dan for helping to do that.
I am so happy to read these positive comments on sports at Staples.
I also firmly believe that there are very ,very few parents who would interfere in this way.
Strength of character has and always will be developed by overcoming personal disappointments and more importantly failure.
We parents Interfere with that at our own peril.