Monthly Archives: November 2013

Kicking It Up A Notch

This is my blog. So today I’d like to tell you about my soccer team.

Except it isn’t my team. It’s theirs.

The game before Xavier -- a 1-0 win over higher-ranked Newtown -- elicited a joyous celebration. (Photo/Kim Lake)

The game before Xavier — a 1-0 win over higher-ranked Newtown — elicited a joyous celebration. (Photo/Kim Lake)

The Staples High School boys soccer squad finished its season last week. We lost in the state tournament quarterfinals, 1-0 to Xavier.

The game was a lot closer than that tight score. A long 2nd-half shot hit the underside of the crossbar. It caromed down, directly onto the foot of a Falcon. He scored from close range.

That inspired our guys to battle even harder than before. We had our chances; we just couldn’t convert. The final whistle blew. Xavier remained undefeated. We should have headed to our bus.

Except we didn’t. For 20 minutes — long after the traditional post-game handshakes — players and coaches sat on the field. Through tears, we talked about the season that ended so abruptly. No one wanted to leave.

The 12 graduating seniors will miss playing in front of large crowds on The Hill. They'll also miss playing with their "brothers." (Photo/Kim Lake)

The 12 graduating seniors will miss playing in front of large crowds on The Hill. They’ll also miss playing with their “brothers.” (Photo/Kim Lake)

We wanted the season to keep going. Our goal — as it is every year — was to win our final match. We wanted another chance at Ridgefield — a team we’d tied earlier in the fall — in the semifinals. Then another shot at Greenwich, in the finals. The Cardinals were #8 in the country. We’d played them evenly for much of our regular season game. But then they pulled ahead, and thumped us.

Yet there was a more important reason everyone sat around, in the cold aftermath of that quarterfinal loss. No one wanted the season to end, because that would mean the fraying of the tightest bonds I’d ever seen one group forge.

Before every match, the Wreckers huddled together on the field. (Photo/Kim Lake)

Before every match, the Wreckers huddled together on the field. (Photo/Kim Lake)

The end of a season hurts even worse the next morning. I know, because I’ve been through it too many times. If you’re any good at all, odds are enormous that your season will end in a loss. Only one team wins it all.

All that next day, our players tried to make sense of the loss. They’d done everything “right.” More than 40 times, from January through June, they’d met for 6 a.m. fitness sessions. They’d run grueling hills, like the one by Elvira’s, all summer long. They’d played incessantly. They’d sacrificed social lives. They’d cut their hair into Mohawks, as a show of team solidarity.

They’d overcome astonishing adversity, including the worst string of injuries I’ve ever seen — 4 concussions, a bad knee injury, a severely pulled hamstring, a dislocated elbow, a badly bruised foot and more — yet never complained.

Diego Alanis (front) and Michael  Reid, Jack Scott and Charlie Leonard play swarming soccer. (Photo/Kim Lake)

Diego Alanis (front) and Michael Reid, Jack Scott and Charlie Leonard play swarming soccer. (Photo/Kim Lake)

They bounced back from a loss in the FCIAC tournament to put together the most focused, frighteningly intense week of training I’ve ever seen.

In the state tourney they knocked off defending state champs Norwalk 1-0 with a goal in the final 3 minutes, then gutted out a great victory against an excellent Newtown side, again by a 1-0 score.

They’d done everything “right” — everything the coaches asked, and they asked of themselves, and much more — yet they did not get what they “deserved.”

That sounds like a group of entitled Westport kids, wanting to win just because. It’s not. It’s a group of still-growing teenagers, trying to make sense of a wonderful, wild, compelling and cruel game. And, in trying to understand a game, learning about life.

On Sunday afternoon — the day after the loss — a player called. He just wanted to talk.

Yousef Shahin works his magic. (Photo/Kim Lake)

Yousef Shahin works his magic. (Photo/Kim Lake)

I wasn’t sure I could help. “There are no words,” I’d said to the team 24 hours earlier. “Nothing I can say can make you feel better.”

Still, I tried. I told the athlete that no, we hadn’t reached our destination. We had not gotten a state championship. We’d lost our last game of the season.

But, I said, that did not mean that the journey was not worthwhile. I told him I hoped the stops along the way — the work he’d put in, the friendships he’d made, the laughs he’d shared, the highs of victories and the agonies of defeats — were at least as important as the destination.

Trophies tarnish, I said. They gather dust. What he will keep in his heart from this year will never fade.

Charlie Leonard fires a shot against Fairfield Ludlowe. (Photo/Kim Lake)

Charlie Leonard fires a shot against Fairfield Ludlowe. (Photo/Kim Lake)

As we talked, I realized something else. I told this young man that I was proud of his passion. I was glad he had taken the loss so hard, had sobbed because of it. In a world in which too many people — of all ages — take the easy way out, this team stood apart.

They did not point fingers. They did not look for excuses. They gave everything they had to a cause. They committed themselves fully to a common goal. They cared about their school, and their sport. Most importantly, they cared about each other.

I told the player that, too. I hope it helped him to hear it. I know it did me some good to say it.

As the Staples team and fans celebrated a state tournament win against Norwalk, co-captain Jack Scott comforted an opponent. (Photo/Kim Lake)

As the Staples team and fans celebrated a state tournament win against Norwalk, co-captain Jack Scott comforted an opponent. (Photo/MaryGrace Gudis)

The next day, in a classroom, we held our final team meeting. We reflected a bit on the year. We laughed, as we often had. Then we talked about next year. The 2014 season is 10 months away, but it’s also right around the corner.

When the meeting was over, I sat with a few seniors.

Several juniors headed to the field. They trained until it was too dark to see.

“Millie” Remembers Matheson, Gilbert

Audiences are raving about Staples Players’ fall production, “Thoroughly Modern Millie.” Co-directors David Roth and Kerry Long have created a wonderful show, filled with talented, tap-dancing performers; clever costumes, and a peppy pit orchestra. Technical directors Peter Barbieri and Dave Seltzer added a stunning set, and sophisticated lighting.

But Roth, Long, Barbieri and Seltzer are quick to note that they — and Players — would not be where they are today without the pioneering contributions of Craig Matheson and Steve Gilbert.

This Saturday (November 23, 5 p.m., following the 2 p.m. “Millie” matinee) they join former Players, family members, the audience, Staples Orphenians and the public in paying tribute to those 2 men.

Craig Matheson (right) and Steven Gilbert.

Craig Matheson (right) and Steven Gilbert.

Matheson — the founder of Staples Players back in 1958 — and Gilbert, who started the Staples Stage and Technical Staff — will be honored with the dedication of a sculpture. “All the World’s a Stage” is installed in Staples’ courtyard, a few feet from the lobby of the auditorium Matheson and Gilbert loved.

The 6-foot-diameter steel sculpture was donated by 1965 graduate and former Player Adam Stolpen. Revealing a medley of changing color, light and pattern, it’s named for the famed monologue from Shakespeare’s “As You Like It,” which compares life to a play.

“Craig Matheson was loved by so many people who were honored to work with him, and were touched by his wonderful, creative and generous spirit,” Roth says. “Working with Craig was an incredible experience.”

Appropriately, the last Players production Matheson saw was “You Can’t Take It With You,” in May. It was the 1st show he directed for Players, in 1958. Matheson died in August.

Gilbert — who died in the 1970s — was beloved for his ability to create, innovate and inspire backstage crews.

“Steven Gilbert taught me early an artistic professionalism that has served me well. Craig Matheson was the consummate teacher and lifelong mentor,” says Staples ’68 graduate Joan Elizabeth Goodman.

“Their gifts enriched my generation of Players. And their legacy extends to the Staples Players of today and tomorrow.”

(Players representatives hope to locate Steve Gilbert’s former wife and 2 children, to invite them to the ceremony. Email contact information to droth@westport.k12.ct.us.)

(Tickets are not necessary to attend Saturday’s dedication. For tickets to the matinee, or this Friday and Saturday’s 7:30 p.m. shows, click here.)

"All The World's A Stage": the sculpture.

“All the World’s a Stage”: the sculpture.

Geiger Demolition: The Sequel

Alert “06880” reader Wendy Crowther writes:

Last Tuesday (November 12), the Historic District Commission voted unanimously to uphold the 180-day demolition delays placed on both the house and vintage barn at the Geiger Garden Center, plus the small green house next to Westport Wash & Wax (formerly home to “Once a Pickle”).

It was revealed at the meeting that Coastal Construction Group is planning to purchase both sites for redevelopment. What’s interesting is that Coastal’s usual gig is building luxury homes. With these pending purchases, they are apparently considering branching out into commercial/mixed-use development.

The Geiger barn. (Photo/Wendy Crowther)

The Geiger barn…(Photo/Wendy Crowther)

Coastal was represented at the HDC meeting by Mel Barr, whose consulting firm specializes in land use planning, development and regulatory process management. Mr. Barr will be able to report back to Coastal that tearing down the historic buildings on these sites might stir up a pot of controversy.

However, it was HDC’s position that by conserving these historic structures and incorporating them into Coastal’s new projects, benefits can be gained that would otherwise be lost if the buildings are destroyed. The HDC suggested that Mr. Barr and Coastal take a good look at what other developers have done recently to incorporate older structures into their new development projects (for example, Terrain and the Kemper Gunn House).

One of the complexities of re-developing the Geiger site will be the zoning variances  required. These will be needed whether the historic barn is destroyed or not. The HDC reminded Mr. Barr that obtaining the variances might be easier if there is public and HDC support for the project.  That support could be gained if the barn is saved.  There are also special zoning benefits that come along with properties on which historic structures reside. These benefits would also be worth considering.

... and Garden Center.

… and Garden Center.

The Geiger barn, which is over 100 years old, is listed on the Historic Barns of CT Survey. It is the last barn still standing on Westport’s Post Road. HDC chairman Randy Henkels offered to tour the barn with Mr. Barr and Coastal to help better determine its age, its key historic elements, and identify which additions made to the barn over time could be eliminated to restore it to its original form.

Mr. Barr and Coastal were invited to return to the HDC’s next meeting in December to explore options for conserving the structures.

Barr and Coastal are both Westport-based businesses. I hope that their Westport roots might help them appreciate that historic preservation and new development can be combined to make great projects.

Will they show up at HDC’s table next month? We’ll see. In the meantime, the demolition clock is ticking.

Post Cinema

Patricia Brooks begins her review of Post 154, in tomorrow’s New York Times Metropolitan section:

If you have not been to Westport recently, you might be surprised to find that its old limestone-and-brick post office, which opened in 1935 on the town’s main thoroughfare, is now a snappy new restaurant, called Post 154, that fairly rocks in prime time.

Brooks gives it a “Very Good” review, which in Times-ese basically means, “Holy s—-, this is one of the 10 best restaurants I’ve been to in my life!”

Post 154 restaurant.

Post 154 restaurant.

She loves the lobster quesadillas, duck confit taquitos, grilled Portuguese octopus, grilled salmon (“which came medium-rare as requested” — go figure), and rosemary short ribs (though her “only cavil was that the mesquite garlic creamed potatoes under the meat were seriously over-salted”).

Brooks ends her review:

With its interesting, creative menu, Post 154 makes an ideal stop before or after a movie, whether for a full meal or a series of delicious small plates, snacks and nibbles.

“Before or after a movie”?! Sounds like Brooks herself has “not been to Westport recently.”

Or, say, since last century, when the Fine Arts Theater closed.

“White Christmas” And Wonton

You might think an organization like Westport Cinema Initiative — the group working hard to bring a movie theater downtown — would not have a sense of humor.

You would be wrong.

Holiday InnFor its Sunday, December 8 screening of “Holiday Inn” — the classic 1942 Christmas film — WCI is arranging for Chinese food to be delivered.

Sounds like a sly wink to the traditional Jewish way of celebrating Christmas: a movie, and Chinese.

And, as cinephiles everywhere know, “Holiday Inn” is best known for introducing the song “White Christmas” to the world.

Written, of course, by Irving Berlin.

Who may well have enjoyed Chinese food and a movie himself on Christmas, back in the day.

(“Holiday Inn” will be screened at 4:30 p.m. on December 8, at Christ & Holy Trinity Church. Tickets are $10, available online or at the door. Chinese food is available for an additional $10 per person. The event will be preceded by a re-telling of favorite holiday stories, by Cantor Laura Berman of the Conservative Synagogue, and Rev. Ed Horne of the United Methodist Church.)

Farewell, Laurel

This afternoon, JP Vellotti — who spent the last year desperately trying to save the Laurel, the last  powered oyster dredge built in the 1800s still sailing — sent this sad email to “06880”:

I want to say thanks for all you have done. The last post gave a good push, but I ended up selling only 130 oyster knives — far short of the goal of 500. Almost half came from the Westport area, so kudos to those readers who supported the project!

Ironically, the ship’s graveyard turned me down as they felt Laurel was too old and too historic to sink there. I tried one last time at Mystic Seaport. They said no previously, as they no longer want any boat donations (and can barely afford what is in their collection).

This time, my pitch was just to tide her over for the winter under shrink wrap. Again, the answer was no.

The Laurel

The Laurel

As the director of Mystic Seaport told me, there just isn’t an interest in supporting maritime history anymore. And after their Charles Morgan project, they are financially tapped.

I think I tried every non-profit museum from Maine to the Chesapeake Bay. Two that had promise (and a Laurel connection) also fell through. South Street Seaport in NYC is actually liquidating its own vessels, and the Greenport Maritime Museum on Long Island didn’t have the wherewithal to fund or even raise funds for something like this.

So tomorrow (Saturday, November 16), at 7 a.m,, Laurel will be pulled ashore and broken up. The payloader is in place, as well as a tugboat to guide her in. This past week, as I prepped for the hopes of bringing her to a shipyard, I removed all her mechanicals, and the pilot house and cabin. She is just a bare hull now. She floats well, and does not leak a drop.

The payloader.

The payloader.

Two and a half years ago, I stepped in to prevent her from being crushed. In what has ultimately become a Greek tragedy, what I set out to prevent was inevitable. It turns out you can’t change the tides of fate, can you?

My sincere thanks again to you and your readers.

Hey, Teach!

If you’ve ever been in school, you’ve had a teacher who changed your life.

If you’re like most people, you think about that teacher from time to time. You mention her fondly, to your kids and with old friends. If the teacher is lucky — and still alive — you might track him down, and thank him in a phone call, letter or email.

Between now and December 15, you can do much more. You can win a horizon-expanding, life-changing teacher $10,000.

The Kennedy Center/Stephen Sondheim Inspirational Teacher Awards are a tangible way to thank educators — from grades K-12, and college — for the impactful work they have done. In addition to the nice monetary prize, honorees are showcased on the Kennedy Center website.

Nominators must be at least 18 years old, and must have been the nominee’s student. Nominators should create a written, audio or video story that highlights a single, specific interaction with the teacher — a moment of transformation or inspiration.

Walt Melillo inspired thousands of Westport elementary school students. This is his Burr Farms Class of 1973.

Walt Melillo inspired thousands of Westport elementary school students. This is his Burr Farms Class of 1973.

Judges are not looking for lists of accomplishments. They want to know how the teacher served as a mentor or role model. What life lessons were taught. How the teacher saw, and unlocked, untapped potential. That sort of thing.

Every Westporter must have a teacher to nominate, and a story to tell. Click here for details. And — even if you don’t complete the form — you can share inspiring “teacher moments” with other Westporters, by clicking “Comments.”

PS: Because “06880” is a place where “Westport meets the world,” there are 2 local connections to the Kennedy Center Inspirational Teacher Awards.

One is on its website. Among the links to past winning stories is one by David Pogue — the illustrious, creative tech guru who lives in town.

The other connection is Stephen Sondheim himself. In the summer of 1950, he was an apprentice at the Westport Country Playhouse.

Where, presumably, he learned a thing or two about himself and the world, from an inspirational, life-changing — if non-classroom — teacher.

 

“You Have No Idea What It’s Like To Be A Girl”

Most “Principal’s Notes,” in most PTA newsletters, are snorers.

Congratulations to the debate team; info on tickets to the spring concert; thanks to the women who mailed out the current issue — that sort of thing.

That’s not John Dodig’s style.

The Staples High School principal regularly tackles tough topics. Cheating. Drinking. Parental double standards — that sort of thing.

The current issue of For the Wreckord contains a particularly powerful piece. This time, Dodig takes on sexting. He was inspired (or depressed) by a story in Rolling Stone

Dodig wrote:

At the ripe old age of 69, I have seen a lot of change in America. I remember seeing “whites only” water fountains and bathrooms on a trip to Florida when I was 11 years old, and feeling uncomfortable at the sight.

I lived through the battles against the Vietnam War, the sexual revolution, the fight for women’s rights, racial equality, gay rights and more. I remember an ashtray in every home, and driving in my parents’ car so thick with smoke that I couldn’t see past the front seat. Now ashtrays are gone from everyone’s homes, and teenagers often have designated drivers thanks to the work of SADD, MADD, and mandatory health classes in public schools.

Sexting 1So much has changed for the better. Yet many of our girls still feel the need to please boys by behaving in ways that even they find shocking when they see themselves in compromising positions on display somewhere on the internet.

The last paragraph and the last line of Burleigh’s article are emotionally devastating to the reader, as the mother of a child who committed suicide over sexting describes her daughter’s last days. Mom shared the messages her daughter sent to one of the boys, who was sharing naked photos of her with his friends. The messages show her pleading with Joe to delete the pictures. Among her last words were, “You have no idea what it’s like to be a girl.”

I have a wonderful and successful adult daughter, but lived through years of drama that made her parents’ lives difficult at times. Still, I admit I do not know what it is like to be a girl. Having lived with thousands of teenagers of both sexes for 43 years in public schools, I do know that not much has changed as to what many girls perceive is how they must behave to be accepted by their peer group.

Sexting 2Our girls now play varsity sports, win science and math competitions, and understand that they can be whatever they choose to be as adults. They know it, but perhaps don’t believe it enough to prevent them from being drawn in to the pull of pleasing boys in order to fit in, be accepted, or validate their existence as a female. We have a lot more work to do.

This is a tough topic to bring up at the dinner table, but it is a discussion that must be had somewhere. If your children are reluctant to talk about it, don’t give up.

Soon we will celebrate Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for, not the least of which is the fact that we live in Westport. We have, so far, escaped a tragedy like the one experienced in Greenwich not long ago.

I would love to be thankful at some point in the future for having helped to change the minds of high school students at Staples, so that not one of our girls would ever have to say: “You have no idea what it’s like to be a girl.”

Other than body parts, there should be no difference in the self-image of every young person, male or female. They should all be proud of who they are, simply because they exist. They are ours and we love them all.

Happy Thanksgiving !

(Click here to read the full Rolling Stone story about sexting.)

Pat Scully: 32 “Select” Years In Town Hall

Pat Scully wasn’t looking for a new job. But on that day 32 years ago, when 2nd selectman Barbara Butler — like Pat, a Parent/Child Center board member — said that the selectman’s office had an opening, Pat figured, why not?

She’d been an administrative assistant in private industry for nearly 15 years. Her current job was with General Datacomm in Danbury. With a young son at Kings Highway Elementary School, the much shorter commute was appealing.

After all, Pat lived within walking distance of Town Hall.

She began work there in 1981 as administrative secretary to First Selectman Bill Seiden. She continued with his successors: Marty Hauhuth, Doug Wood and Joe Arcudi.

Diane Farrell promoted her to office manager. That’s been Pat’s title for the past 16 years. She ran the 5-person selectman’s office — then watched as, with downsizing, it shrunk to 2.

Gordon Joseloff will be Pat Scully’s last 1st selectman. She retires Friday, after 32 years organizing 6 chief executives’ calendars, handling their correspondence and — especially — handling complaints.

Pat Scully (rear) has served 6 first selectmen. She will not be there for incoming 1st selectman Jim Marpe (right) and 2nd selectman Avi Kaner. But she greeted them warmly the day after their election.

Pat Scully (rear) has served 6 first selectmen. She will not be there for incoming 1st selectman Jim Marpe (right) and 2nd selectman Avi Kaner. But she greeted them warmly the day after their election. (Photo courtesy of  WestportNow.com)

Complaints are a huge part of a 1st selectman’s work. But they couldn’t do it without Pat.

“I know where to send everything,” she says proudly. And no, it’s not the trash basket (or, these days, the “delete” button).

Each 1st selectman is different. Some are hands-on; others, hands-off. Hauhuth wanted to preserve open space. Farrell — the “Brown Bag Lunch” lady — was known for constituent services. Joseloff has been very concerned with public safety.

From her perch at Town Hall, Pat has seen plenty of changes. “There is much less of a mom-and-pop atmosphere,” she says. But the Little League parade last August brought some of that feeling back. “It was so home-grown and wonderful,” she notes. “I had tears in my eyes.”

Pat Scully with Hardie Gramatky's painting of families at Compo Beach. It's hung above her desk for 20 years.

Pat Scully with Hardie Gramatky’s painting of families at Compo Beach. It’s hung above her desk for 20 years.

When she lived in Westport, Pat was involved in town affairs far beyond her job. She spent many years on boards of the Saugatuck Congregational Church.

Her 1st husband died 20 years ago. She raised her son as a single parent. Now she lives in the Valley. She’s remarried, with a 3-month-old granddaughter. Pat looks forward to seeing her more often.

This is a good time to retire, she says — “for me, for my husband, and for the town. There’s a change in administrations” — Jim Marpe will be sworn in Monday as 1st selectman — “and new blood is coming in.”

Pat has spent several months training her successor, Eileen Francis.

While she won’t miss the drive to work, she will miss everyone in Town Hall.

“They’re wonderful,” Pat says. “I hope Westporters realize how great they all are.”

Just as I hope everyone who has ever had business in Town Hall realizes how blessed we are to have had her in the selectman’s office, for 32 fantastic years.

Mike Perlis: Forbes’ Digital Dynamo

Mike Perlis’ current job — CEO of Forbes Media — is not as titillating as a previous position: running the Playboy Publishing Group. But the 1971 Staples grad is successful wherever he goes.

In a Business Day story published yesterday, the New York Times said the “soft-spoken and folksy chief executive” has spent the past 3 years  “transforming the company from a financially troubled family business into an enterprise that has moved aggressively to embrace the new digital landscape.”

Mike Perlis

Mike Perlis

Perlis — “the first nonfamily member to run Forbes Media since its founding in 1917” —  has rehired 28 former employees; helped expand marketing; built a network of 1200 bloggers; more than doubled the number of Forbes’s annual conference; licensed some of its software, and lent its name and content to a business school willing to pay for the brand.

Steve Forbes praised, “He brought the right temperament to an organization that at the time was 93 years old. But he’s not going to be the bull in the china shop.”

Former colleague Kenneth Lerer added, “He’s doing what needs to be done. For the traditionalist, it is a gamble. But I don’t see there is another option.”

Critics say the Westport native’s reliance on freelancers “is eroding Forbes’s once strong journalism.”

The piece offers interesting insights into the Forbes brand, and business media in general.

Though it’s illustrated a lot less interestingly than it would have been at Perlis’ former magazine.

(To read the entire Times story, click here.)