Rugby Builds Character — And Binds A Family In Tough Times

Amy Chatterjee moved to Westport with her husband Rit and children (Dylan, 21, and Mia, 18) 13 years ago. Amy has been a college counselor for 25 years, beginning in the New York City public Schools. Since moving to Westport she has worked with Collegewise, advising Staples students and their families. Amy writes:

I’ll never forget the afternoon my daughter Mia told me she was going to try rugby.

My gut reaction was pure, unfiltered terror. I had caught a few Staples High School boys games over the years. I could not picture my daughter charging across a field with no pads, no helmet, nothing between her and the ground.

Four years later, I’ll admit that particular anxiety never fully went away. I still quietly exhale with relief at the end of every game when she walks off the field in one piece.

But that first practice changed everything.

When I arrived to pick Mia up, she was buzzing with news: The upperclassmen had invited all the new players to Sherwood Diner, and offered a ride.

I smiled, said “of course, have fun!” — and the moment she walked away, every question a parent asks themselves flooded in. Are these seniors good drivers? Who are their parents? What if she wants to leave and feels stuck?

I did what parents do: I worried quietly and let her go anyway.

Go Wreckers! (Photo/Dylan Chatterjee)

That decision was one of the best I ever made.

What happened next is hard to fully describe, unless you’ve watched a teenager discover exactly where they belong. Almost overnight, Mia’s confidence began to emerge.

Rugby didn’t just give her something to do after school; it gave her a community that claimed her immediately and completely.

She threw herself into all of it: fall coed touch rugby on Sunday mornings at Staples; joining Aspetuck Rugby Club her sophomore year alongside teammates to build her skills; summer training camps — and last season, the honor of being named co-captain of the Staples girls rugby team alongside her former freshman teammate, Isabella Pirkle.

From left: Maddie Leventhal, Isabella Pirkl, Mia Chatterjee. They started together as freshmen, and finished together as seniors. (Photo/Dylan Chatterjee)

I watched this girl, who once nervously climbed into a car full of strangers, grow into someone who now sets the tone for an entire team.

Life, of course, has a way of testing everything you think you know.

Two and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with stage three triple-negative breast cancer. Ten brutal months of chemotherapy, surgery and radiation followed — and then I was cancer-free.

Four months later, routine blood work delivered a second blow: ALL B-Cell leukemia.

The next 8 months were spent at Memorial Sloan Kettering, where I received rounds of chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and ultimately a bone marrow transplant.

I missed everything: Homecoming dress shopping. Prom. Mia’s entire junior rugby season.

Plus the everyday teenage moments: the eye rolls, the messy kitchen after a long day. Those moments that you never think to treasure until they’re gone.

Lying in that hospital bed, I thought about all of it. But what I wanted most, in the quietest and most honest corner of my heart, was simply to watch my daughter play rugby one more time.

Amy and Mia Chatterjee.

Here is what I observed from a distance during those months, through countless phone calls and text messages: Mia didn’t fall apart.

She kept showing up to school and practice. She kept competing. She kept leading.

Cancer has the potential to unravel a teenager’s world completely, and no one would have blamed her for losing her footing.

But rugby had already taught her something essential: You keep pushing, you lean on your teammates, and you don’t quit when things get hard.

Mia Chatterjee, with a textbook tackle at Greenwich. (Photo/Dylan Chatterjee)

The sport didn’t just build her athleticism. It built her character, and that character carried her through the hardest time in both our lives.

I am beyond thrilled to tell you that I made it home for Mia’s senior season. I was at every single game. After the final whistle of her last match, we found each other on the sideline.

I hugged her and cried. Happy tears, relieved tears, grateful tears. It was the moment I had dreamed about in that sterile hospital room, and it was more beautiful than I could ever have imagined.

Mia Chatterjee was this year’s girls rugby Scholar-Athlete. She was joined at Sunday’s dinner by her parents, Rit and Amy.

This fall, Mia heads to Lafayette College to study law and government. She hopes to join the Lafayette women’s rugby team. Because some things, once they find you, don’t let go.

Rugby gave my daughter a community, an identity, and a resilience she carried into the hardest chapter of our family’s life. That is not a small thing. That is everything.

(If you have a daughter or son who is even a little bit curious about the sport, please don’t wait. Westport PAL is offering a one-week rugby camp this summer for girls and boys entering 4th through 12th grade. When I heard about it, my only thought was that I wished Mia had found rugby even sooner!)

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