Dave Smith and his wife Jeanne have lived in Westport for over 15 years. Their 4 children played multiple sports, including football, basketball, lacrosse, baseball and volleyball.
Caleb (Staples High School Class of ’24) is at the University of Connecticut. Nathan, a Staples senior, will attend Trinity College. Chloe is a Staples sophomore, while Noah ooks forward to being a freshman there next fall.
From left: Nathan, Caleb, Dave, Noah, Chloe and Jeanne Smith. Caleb and Nathan starred on Staples’ 2024 state champion football team.
Dave played basketball and ran track at Trinity. He runs a leadership coaching practice.
For 5 years, he has published “Dads’ Survival Guide.” The weekly blog highlights parenting and marriage issues, with a perspective many Westport men can relate to.
This week, Dave — who coached his children on Westport Recreation, PAL and Little League teams — tackled a fraught topic: travel sports.
Calling it “a tangled and confusing web for any Dad to navigate,” he offers words of hard-earned wisdom for many Westporters. Dave writes:
The tension and stress on our kids during tryouts. The agonizing wait to hear. The disappointment of missing out. Or the joy of making a team.
Then, the commitment. To each game, practice, clinic and showcase. Year-round. An expectation from team coaches for families to rearrange their lives so players can attend everything.
And the cost! Oh, the cost! Participation fees. Off-season and pre-season workouts. Private coaching. Equipment. Uniforms. Gas. Hotels. Flights. A mind-bogglingly, expensive endeavor.
Yes, that’s travel sports. Which can make us Dads feel helpless. And hapless. Because once we get on the travel train, it seems impossible to get off. Peer pressure compels us to do it all.
Any Dad can struggle with travel sports. Even All-Pro NFLer Greg Olsen, who captured what many of us feel in a recent interview. “Everyone is fearful of our kids falling behind,” said Olsen. “It snowballs. Everyone else is doing it, so we’re just doing what they’re doing.”
Doing what everyone else is doing. Because we’re fearful of our little superstar falling behind. Yep, guilty, as charged.
In the Smith household, with multiple kids playing multiple travel sports, we’ve stumbled and bumbled our way for years. Missteps. Miscalculations. Mistakes. And wasted $$$.
But, what did we know? Nothing. And with advice coming from every angle, we were bewildered about who to believe. Or which paths to take.
Fortunately, none of our blunders were prohibitive. Or fatal. And now, with our brood playing multiple sports in high school and college, we have gained some perspective. Hindsight. Perhaps, too late for us. But maybe, helpful for others.
Here’s my 2 cents – for what it’s worth.
Specialization: 10,000 hours. Focus, focus, focus. We were told countless times the only way to play sports at the highest levels was by specializing. In a single sport. And a specific position. From a young age.
Baloney. There are countless athletes playing multiple sports in high school. Truth is, for many kids specialization is the wrong route.
With no participation requirement in high school sports, specialization narrows possibilities. In basketball, there are 5 on the court. Maybe 8 in the rotation. Chosen across 3 classes (soph, junior, senior). Only 9 on a baseball diamond. These limited play possibilities may alter one’s youth sports calculus.
Oftentimes, specialization leads to injuries from overuse. Working the same muscles again and again, year-round. TEENS having Tommy John surgery! Crazy And, kids burnout. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. One day our tiny protégé loves a sport. The next, they’re done with it.
Personally, I’m a huge proponent of remaining multi-sport athletes as long as possible.
Nearly 57 percent of Tommy John surgeries are performed on 15-19-year-old baseball players.
Success Factors: In my experience, the attributes high school coaches value in players is entirely different from those youth coaches prefer.
High school coaches want unselfish, team-first players, who listen and learn. Mastering the fundamentals of DEFENSE and footwork are essential. Players must watch film and know the playbook. Coaches look for character in their players. Those with resolve and tenacity, an ability to fight thru adversity.
Fact is, size, strength or athletic advantages in youth play may not translate to success at the next level. Conversely, there are plenty of prolific high school athletes who were not standouts in youth sports.
Team Wins over Individual Development: Travel coaches – the professionals – focus on team success to help promote their Travel program. There is limited focus on individual skill development during a travel season. Teaching our kids the basics of how to pitch properly, swing a bat or shoot a basketball is on us Dads. Either by ourselves or with a private coach. This was a big surprise for me.
Alternative Sports: Youth programs center around a small subset of sports. With so many kids fighting for so few high school slots, the competition in these sports is intense.
However, there are plenty of high school sports for boys and girls which don’t get much fanfare but can be equally as enriching. Cross-country. Volleyball. Rugby. Hockey. Wrestling. Skiing. Swimming. Diving. Water polo. Fencing. Golf. Tennis. Squash. Cheerleading. Crew. Track and Field. Loads of options for our kids to play through high school. And perhaps, beyond.
After Staples, Terry Brannigan went on to a very successful wrestling career at Wesleyan University.
Best Fit: As we ponder the intense commitment and $$$ of travel sports, we should start by considering each child’s strengths, natural talents, and personality.
Do they prefer individual sports, relying on their own performance vs. being part of a team? Are they repeat-motion kids; meticulous and disciplined enough to do one thing over and over again (pitching, rowing or field goal kicking)? Do they have strong hand-eye coordination (hitting a baseball, tennis or catching a football)?
Are they high endurance athletes (running, biking)? Capable of hustling up and down the field endlessly (midfielders)? Or are they best suited for shorts bursts of intense effort (sprints, shot put, wrestling)? Would our kids thrive in high profile, pressure positions (QB, goalie, gymnast)? Or prefer operating in the background (lineman, outfield, defender)?
Finding sports and positions which match our kids’ nature helps build confidence from an early age. While developing a passion to improve.
Travel sports can be a terrific way for our kids to pursue what they love. And compete at a high level. Yet, travel sports can be confusing. Especially for Dads. Thinking about the down-the-road realities can help make the travel sports experience even greater for our kids. And better for us Dads, too.
Go, Dads. Go.
(To be added to the “Dads’ Survival Guide” distribution list, email davidosmith7777@gmail.com)
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Wowziers! So glad I played football at Staples in the late ‘50’s when you worked out at practice and on your own and there were no “Extra” or private coaches. We played for each other and for our coaches but we walked home after practice until we got our drivers lic. It hitched a ride. No wonder kids burn out today. My dad traveled a lot so he might have caught two games in three years. I really enjoyed playing but not because I was going to “the next level” but for the game. I played on a championship baseball team in college. We drove distances in cars not schools fancy buses ( we didn’t have a bus). Again well coached and played for the love of the sport. Times change I guess. I never watched a film in high school. Films didn’t exist at Staples! Only at the Fine Arts !
Thx much Dan!!
Get rid of athletic preferences in college admissions and this all goes away immediately.
I will never forget how a “premier soccer” club director told my daughter Julia that she had to give up snowboarding and focus on soccer if she wanted to continue playing at the “premier” level. She was 14 and was just getting into competitive snowboarding. She found another “less successful” local premier club that allowed her to go away for the winter to snowboard and play soccer in the spring although not in the top league. She has fond memories of hanging out with soccer friends, going to tournaments and playing for St. Joseph for her first three years of high school. I believe this “change of scenery” helped avoid burnout and the isolation that can come with being a high-level athlete in a non-team sport.
Thank you Dave! Spot on! The “money grab” of travel sports and specialization at such young ages is creating a lot of burnout and lost opportunity for our kids to enjoy all sports in season.