There was only one item on last night’s Board of Education meeting: the budget.
At the beginning of the session, however, a Staples High School senior addressed the members.
Granted more time than the usual 2 minutes given to the public, by prior arrangement with chair Lee Goldstein, he told the board about a physical altercation with an assistant boys soccer coach, at a pre-season retreat over Labor Day weekend.
He also alleged verbal abuse and initimidation by 2 other coaches in the program.
Assistant coach Harry Ocampo vehemently denies the allegations. He sent this email to “06880”:
I am writing to formally address and categorically deny the allegations of physical abuse and physical assault that have been brought against me by [a player and his family] during the Board of Education meeting on January 16.
The allegations in question stem from events taking place on Saturday, August 30, at the Staples boys soccer retreat. These accusations are entirely untrue, and are being fabricated to exaggerate the incident that took place in front of 30+ witnesses.
I want to state unequivocally that I have never engaged in any form of physical abuse or assault toward [the player making the charges] or any player, ever. Such actions are completely against my values and principles.
I am committed to treating all individuals with respect and dignity, and never resort to violence or harm.
I want to be clear, during the incident on August 30 between myself and [the player], at no point did I ever make physical contact with him.
The incident in question only involved yelling after I was hit in the face during a team kickball game. After being hit in the face, the game concluded at which point [the player] mocked and antagonized me.
This upset me and I responded by yelling back at him. There was no physical assault or abuse as alleged.
After a brief moment, both teams shook hands. I asked [the player] if he felt comfortable speaking with me so that we could clear the air, to which he agreed.
In that conversation, he and I both apologized for disrespecting one another, and verbalized that we weren’t thinking rationally but rather were being emotional.
Later that evening, I spoke to the team at a meeting to offer my apologies for the actions that they witnessed.
I explained to them that [the player] and I had been able to apologize to one another and clear the air about the incident that took place, which he confirmed to the team. He apologized to them as well.
These allegations are deeply distressing, not only because they are baseless but also because they have the potential to significantly harm my reputation and relationships. I am confident that a thorough and impartial investigation will reveal the truth and exonerate me of these false claims.
To ensure full transparency, I am prepared to cooperate fully with any investigation into this matter. I am willing to provide any evidence or testimony necessary to demonstrate my innocence. I encourage anyone involved in this process to approach the matter with fairness and objectivity.
Thank you for your attention to this serious matter.
Sounds to me like Dad and Mom are looking to extort money from the school district. Your son doesn’t need you to fight his battles and it seems like this unfortunate situation was settled as it should have been.
Shame on you for being what the student describes as one of the adults who mocks him, his family, and their integrity without knowing the facts. If you actually watch this minor deliver his speech he seems to be fighting his own battle and I highly doubt there is a financial motivation which has ruined this child’s high school experience.
How about both volunteering to take a Polygraph test to judge the credibility of their statements?
I hope this kid is 18. And I hope he is held responsible for these false allegations. And shame on his parents!
Just curious. Were you present at the August retreat? If not, it is unclear the basis you have for making your accusation.
Personally, I don’t know anyone involved or the “truth” of what happened. I wasn’t there.
However, I’ve read the young man’s statement. I assume the BOE can quickly determine if there was or was not an investigation and a corroborating witness at the time. That action was taken would suggest there was, but absent confirmation from the school as the young man has requested, I suppose we are in the dark with clearly conflicting public statements.
In the meantime, it strikes me that continued attacks on the young man are unhelpful for anyone.
Well, with the BOE meeting last night, and the many versions of what seem like simple things to examine/investigate in soccer and tennis, many will suffer until this is sorted and handled appropriately. We have almost 40 incredible athletic programs with the best coaches and hundreds of incredible student athletes, that will play sports at the next level. There needs to be a proper investigation, with proper communication, and as we have a history of transparency on everything, this is where it is most important. The telephone game, always turns into an entirely different version, as time passes. We learned that as kids. Time never fixes things that need to be dealt with head-on.
What the majority of 06880 readers need to remember, is that we have amazing programs, incredible student athletes, and the best coaches. We have been so successful because of the great heart and soul of those on the courts and fields. There is so much great passion and so many great leaders. We must not let a situation, spiraling out of control, hurt any of these other incredible success stories.
No wonder we don’t have enough teachers in our public schools.
This incident raises numerous questions in my mind. Why did this student wait 4 months to make this formal allegation? if it was so disturbing why didn’t he and his family pursue this immediately? Another question is, what is his and his parents end game? Do they want a formal apology, do they want Mr. Ocampo fired, do they want a monetary settlement? And lastly, was this the right way to go about resolving this incident? Airing these allegations in a public forum rather than in private with the school directly seems wrong to me. If Mr. Ocampo is ultimately cleared of these allegations his reputation will be tarnished forever. It’s like when a news outlet gets a story wrong, nobody ever reads the retraction.
This many months later and still crickets from VJ and the administration – VJ held a parent meeting 10/29 where he said nothing and then promised a second meeting with an update which hasn’t even been scheduled. I blame the school for much of this.
Unless you were present and witnessed the incident and are willing to recount what you personally observed, it’s totally improper to comment on the truth or falsity of either person’s story. Period.
I wish someone would commit an act of journalism. But I guess the money for that is going to influencers who pimp for cannabis drinks and Squatty Potties.
I understand the desire for policies that dictate decorum, behavior, and consequences for all parties involved in high school sports. Of course, good coaches need to be protected from overreaching parents. But I think reasonable people would agree there must be clear processes and protections, including an immediate, clear, and appropriate response from the school where there if even a whiff of inappropriate or bad behavior. In the parent letter published recently, point three calls for the prioritization of the “safety and well-being of the students during the year/season” – I couldn’t agree more.
I was at the Board of Education meeting to support this student. He was earnest and respectful as he struggled to get through his speech. Yes, he organized extra time by prior arrangement with the chair of the Board. Why? This student has quite a significant stutter (particularly in stressful circumstances), a disability covered by the American Disabilities Act. (If you are curious, I imagine there is a way to view his speech.) It’s important to note that the speaker who spoke in support of the coaches also was granted extra time seemingly by previous arrangement. He had no apparent disability with regard to delivering his remarks and was granted even more time when his five, not two, minutes were called. (To make an issue out of this for the student, and not the other speaker, in your opening, Mr. Woog, is disrespectful and, worse, indicates your desire to cast this student in the worst possible light.)
This Staples senior is a student still in the care of the Westport public school system and in this community. As he articulated last night, he does not feel safe, and his well-being has been seriously compromised since October when an anonymous source reported the altercation. The school has not been swift or transparent about this student’s case nor looked after his well-being. There has been no clear communication. In fact, this family has not wanted this in the public forum, but the impact on this student’s mental health is devastating and severe. This student appeared before this Board of Education out of desperation and as a last resort to ask for help.
Finally, Mr. Woog, you have a personal connection to this matter as a former head coach of this program when this student was a freshman soccer player. You have a platform which you have used for so much good for the Westport community, but here, you seem to have a particular objective and are forgetting whatever commitment you might have to the fundamental principles of journalism. Most importantly, you are forgetting (or perhaps ignoring) that there is a living, breathing, suffering student who continues to be hurt by his community. Your actions (and perhaps of others in this community by virtue of unkind comments on this platform and around town) are in fierce contravention of parent letter point three.
The student’s full remarks are available on Westport Journal. Anyone commenting here should go there and read them first. I question why this blog would publish a response to a student’s remarks without publishing the remarks to which they respond.
While I agree that this post doesn’t meet any journalistic criteria, I don’t think that’s a valid criticism because this blog doesn’t seem to aim for journalism. It’s more of a community forum. That’s not an insult – I’m a daily reader. But you will rarely, if ever, find independently-reported pieces challenging the powers that be in Westport here. Mostly, the controversial stuff is left to readers with an agenda to write in with their own subjective feelings in an op-ed format – like this post. We’d probably have a much more effective town government if someone was shining a light on how Westport operates, but funding for local media is a real challenge.
As a reader and contributor to this blog, I must disagree with your accusation that Dan Woog presented this in an unfair manner.
I read the column as an uninformed reader and just thought the board gave this student the opportunity to air a grievance about a coach. Dan Woog then gave the coach the opportunity to air his side of this situation. It all sounded to be straight forward journalism. I thought- why at a Board meeting.
Until your attack on Dan Woog, my only thought about this column and Dan’s presentation of what happened, was why wasn’t this incident of he said/ he said investigated behind the scenes by anyone in the school system – getting all the witnesses to corroborate who did or said what at that practice- in order to resolve this before it came to airing dirty laundry at a Board meeting.
Based on Dan’s column, the coach’s letter and your letter- Attacking Dan is wrong. He reported what happened and presented the coach an opportunity to present his side since this is now out for all to see
What, in fact, happened can be sorted out by asking all the team mates and coaches who were present at the initial incident – What happened!!
And I am even more perplexed and discouraged by your comment that this student now feels unsafe in our schools. Has he been threatened, ostracized, left the team, intends to leave Staples?
Just some thoughts from a parent of five Staples HS graduates, all of whom were student athletes. (And- for clarity- two swimmers, two wrestlers- One of whom played travel soccer but wasn’t picked to play for the Staples soccer team – by Dan)
It’s disappointing how quickly some are ready to dismiss a student’s accusation against an adult in a position of power and speculate that there is a financial motivation involved. While I have no special knowledge of this incident or those involved, after 35+ years as a litigator I have learned that a denial by a person in power is no more credible than the accuser’s claim.
The news is replete with reports of adults in positions of power acting abusively towards young athletes/students while their claims have been dismissed because a coach is popular or successful and that is also true in other scenarios with a power imbalance. We should not need video evidence as in the incident near Hartford earlier this month where a basketball coach apparently intentionally ran into a student with his car after an argument at a game to take accusations against coaches seriously.
Ms. Shay – I am failing to follow your comment. Given that you claim to have no knowledge of the incident why does your comment fall on the side of believing the student and not the coach? What does a coach who ran into a student with a car have to do w/ this coach and this student? Would it be proper for me to bring up a story where a student made a false accusation to a coach that was proven in a court of law? I am sure I could ask Chat GPT to find me one of those.
Ms. Shay: Additional investigation into the Columbia, CT parking lot incident you mentioned determined that the altercation involved an adult basketball coach and a parent – not a student. Also, further investigation found that the parent who was hit by the car was the “primary aggressor in the moments leading up to the [parking lot incident].” The coach told police that he had driven away from the scene because he and his girlfriend had been confronted by an angry group of parents in the parking lot. The coach also claimed that icy conditions prevented him from slowing down in time to avoid hitting the parent.
Both men have been arrested and face charges:
http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/state-police-arrest-man-who-was-hit-by-car-during-argument-with-girls-basketball-coach-in-columbia/3476775/
I am certain more facts will emerge but one fact stood out for me: the basketball game was played by third and fourth-grade girls.
I can’t count the times I was dressed down by a coach or teacher for some stupid kid hijinks. If my parents knew every time I had a negative interaction with a teacher or a coach, I might not have made it alive beyond middle school.
Additionally, my 13 weeks of Marine Corps recruit training at Parris Island and subsequent military training made any negative interactions with coaches and teachers PALE in comparison but taught me discipline, humility and how to rise above the conflict and come out stronger on the other side.
High School are formative years where you learn right from wrong and learn to deal with conflict resolution positively and move on. The snow flake approach does nothing but show how maturity and personal growth are being stunted.
The parents have clearly enabled this behavior and put a caring coaches career in jeopardy “making a mountain out of a mole hill.”
I am a Staples Boys Soccer parent and we have been waiting for clarity on this situation for months. We have been given no “first-hand” information from the Staples Athletic Department, the BOE, the school superintendent, or the Town of Westport. We hear the snippets of information from our kids, which may or may not be accurate. I am truly surprised that, given those facts, the BOE chose to litigate this issue (which the parents have been told is still under investigation) in a public forum. At the very least, I would like some honest answers and some common sense from the educators and administrators with whom we have entrusted our children’s welfare.
Not an appropriate topic for a BOE meeting.
This situation is awful and my sympathies extend to everyone involved. Truly. It is no where near the same, but for parents in less (allegedly) extreme situations, I wanted to share my own experience. In college my freshman year, I had a coach who was an absolute maniac. While that was unpleasant, it was great preparation for the rest of life when I had some bosses that were so much worse.
With my kids in these scenarios, we talk about accepting the constructive criticism and then learning to let the other stuff roll off your back. It’s hard – I think maybe even harder watching your child go through this as a parent than going through it yourself – but a really important life skill for the kids. I’m glad my oldest has had some challenging situations while she’s under our roof so that we’ve been able to talk them through. She and her siblings have been able to learn a lot from each one.
I gotta say Woogie, when I first read your post and Jonathan’s statement, I was afraid I was gonna have to scold you for burying the lede here. On a second and third reading of both I changed my view. The lede here has been so mutilated and beaten to death that cremation may be the only solution.
The lede of the coach’s statement you published reads
“I am writing to formally address and categorically deny the allegations of physical abuse and physical assault that have been brought against me by [a player and his family] during the Board of Education meeting on January 16.”
I read the WJ story and the full statement over again, noting in passing that the Coach’s statement does not deny verbal abuse. In fact he cops to that. After the third or fourth read (I have lost a step in my advanced age) looking for the accusations of physical abuse, it finally dawned on me that there is no accusation anywhere in it of physical abuse.
It further occurs to me that Jonathan’s statement is not even about the original August incident, however you characterize it. Jonathan’s statement was about his being subject to bullying and ostracism since someone else’s report to the AD in October , and the fact that no one in a position to do so has told the real story of whatever the coaches have done, not done or the consequences they have had. The young man only went to the Board asking them for help, by way it would seem of doing their jobs. In making his plea he refers to “assault” and “abuse” at the August event, both of which are fair and completely accurate characterizations of the coach’s behavior as the coach himself describes it.
So the real story here is that the coach doth protest to much, methinks.
Peter, the young man does include “physical abuse” among his allegations. Here is a full transcript of his remarks:
Please bear with me as I have a stutter. My name is Jonathan Costello, and I am a Senior and threeyear Varsity Soccer player at Staples. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak
tonight.
On October 24th 2024 —the day before my 18th birthday—someone anonymously tipped off the AD to an assault that I suffered at a team retreat in August by the coaches. On that day the AD asked me what happened at the retreat. I told the truth. It is my understanding that the truth was corroborated by another student witness.
Ultimately, the school suspended the coaches for the season but did not tell the soccer community why.
I want to make this very clear: neither my parents nor I were the source of the anonymous tip. When asked about the retreat incident, I told the truth as did another player. The administration decided— not us—to suspend those coaches.
After the coaches were suspended, rumor mills in the
community started. As a result of vicious and false rumors, my parents and I have been accused of entitlement and overreach in the court of public opinion when the plain fact is that all we did was tell the truth.
The school left people guessing why the coaches were suspended and the rumors started. Weeks after the coaches were suspended, they were invited to the end-of-season soccer banquet.
K
nowing they were invited, I made the painful choice not to attend my senior banquet because I did not feel it was safe. The rumors increased due to my absence, and I have been met with suspicion,
false accusations, and blame.
As a result of what occurred and is still occurring, my life here is destroyed. I’m not saying that to be dramatic. Since October, I have endured everything that every high schooler seeks to avoid.
Bullying. Shunning. Isolation.
Not only at school but in the public forum. Think about that. Three months. For three whole months, almost no one talks to me inside or outside of school. I am labeled selfish and entitled for the sin of telling the truth. Meanwhile, I just wanted to play soccer.
And I have struggled to figure out how to play the game I love in the face of psycho-emotional torment from a head coach, as well as an incident of physical assault by an assistant coach. Many of my teammates have also endured a lot of pain and don’t speak up out of fear of retaliation.
In the days following the anonymous tip to the AD, my parents were told that we would be contacted for a statement of facts, but we never were. So, one month later – on November 26th
– my parents submitted a letter to the school administration memorializing what happened to me at the retreat, as well as other troubling experiences I had over three years on the varsity team.
We are still—on January 16th—waiting for the administration to respond. No student should have to bear the daily humiliation I do. No student should be ignored by the school that is meant to teach and protect him. And for sure, no student should have to read online hurtful articles and endless comments from grownups in this community that mock me, my parents, and our integrity, despite not knowing the facts.
I have suffered socially. I have lost most of my friends. I suffer academically. My life here has been mostly taken from me right when I should be enjoying it most—my senior year—before heading off to college to play soccer at my dream school.
Why? For telling the truth about the abuse to the
administration when they called me into their office. I can’t imagine that the reasonable people on this Board of Education are okay with this. What message is Staples sending to other students who are bullied, ostracized, shunned, and discounted for telling the truth when questioned about abuse?
The district is aware of how I am being treated, and what is happening to my family, yet they allow the vicious rumors to continue hurting me and my family more and more every day.
This district says it cares about kids and their safety first, yet the silence on this matter has jeopardized my safety. The lack of transparency has caused otherwise reasonable people in our
community to draw their own sordid, accusatory, self-serving conclusions, without knowing the facts.
Our AD goes on social media to talk about the importance of our mental health, yet this administration is actively compromising mine. They’ve refused simply to clear my name by sharing the facts behind their decision to suspend the coaches.
On October 24th, I was not yet ready to report the abuse that happened to me. All I wanted to do was get through the season. What has happened to me since is exactly why I was afraid to come forward in the first place. I watched my friends and teammates face public ridicule and judgement the last time this head coach was investigated for wrongdoing against them in 2022.
Someone else reported my abuse and because no information was released about the circumstances of the coaches’ suspension, I have been blamed for their departure. For all I know, other teammates may have come forward with their stories,
I was not the only player who was the object of misconduct
on this team. The truth is that if the coaches are in fact no longer with the program it is because of their actions. The school’s failure to make that abundantly clear has directly caused me and my
family unending, meaningful harm. I need it to stop.
I am asking this Board of Education, Administration, Staples, and this community to do the right thing.
I have made copies of my statement and would like to give each member of the Board of Education one. Thank you again for your time.
Sorry, I am still not finding the phrase “physical abuse” in the statement. I see “physical assault” but as I point out elsewhere, by definition “assault” does not include physical content, and the phrase is directed to an assistant coach, expressly disctinct from the accusation of “abuse” by the head coach, and reads to me as part of the bullying he received since October, not part of the August incident
Regardless of how you parse this, the overwhelming point of Jonathan’s statement is the bullying he has been subject to, allowed by the AD, School and Board’s silence. And therein lies my disappointment. In a far less enlightened age than this, now sixty years ago, I can’t imagine any Staples coach I know , notably Paul Lane or Abie Loeffler. I believe either of them would be the first to come to this students defense, had the entire discussion out in the open, and never for a second tolerated what Jonothan is actully pleading for help with: his treatment since he was approached for a statement by the AD in October, about an incident that he had apparently not made a peep about for two months, and as far as I can tell is still not complaining about.
This, right here.
The student’s statement is minimally about the August incident – no matter what happened – and all about the aftermath of the reporting by someone else in October and the perceived mishandling of the situation.
The BOE seems to have continued the mishandling by putting the student in a public forum, last night – but if the situation was just being left to fester, I can understand why the student would want to speak.
Beyond completely missing the point of the student’s remarks to the BOE, the “I miss the days when abusive behavior from coaches built our character” crowd probably thinks rapping students on the knuckles improves performance.
I do think the criticism of Dan is way off-base.
Chris – I don’t think anyone missed the point of the student’s remarks to the BOE. The real question is are the remarks accurate? There seems to be a major disagreement about that based on the coach’s letter that Dan posted. I attended the meeting last night and spoke right after the student and am a 30+ year friend of one of the soccer coaches who was not renewed (not the one who wrote the letter). I will only comment on my friend’s situation but his non-renewal is a travesty of epic proportions.
A fair point can be made that the assistant coach acknowledges what could be interpreted to be “verbal abuse” of the student. One can say that without making any judgment as to whether it is reaches a “non-renewal” standard – I certainly don’t have the foggiest idea.
There is also an odd “he said and I said” in the coach’s statement that suggests that a coach and a student are somehow held to the same standard of behavior when, of course, they are not.
Whatever the intent of the “mutual apology” meeting, this was a coach, who influences playing time and can potentially impact the student’s future prospects. These two are at completely different levels of power. The student could have easily just said what he thought the coach wanted to hear, in order to preserve playing time and future prospects. While I am confident that the meeting was set with the best intentions, the power imbalance would mean that the result would not necessarily be the end of the story.
Clearly, the BOE needs to have clear procedures in place to protect both students and coaches. In this case, the administration appears to have just kicked the can, “let’s just ignore this and it will go away.” Clearly that didn’t happen.
Absolutely. I cannot understand why more of the commenters here cannot see the point Chris is making. The August incident is background: Jonathan’s statement is all about his treatment since.
Full disclosure (and known to at least some “06880” readers): Dan and I go all the way back to our days playing Staples soccer; and I have been a longtime supporter of the team.
Today’s story is the first I have heard about any of this. And it was only from reading the player’s statement at the Westport Journal that I learned that more than one coach had been suspended.
As someone who spent part of his career working on investigations in legal matters, I am stunned that the B of E decided to allow this issue to be aired publicly in this manner before a thorough investigation had been completed (which appears to be the case based on the player’s statement and at least one parent comment above).
I find it hard to believe that any town attorney approved in advance the way the matter was handled last night.
I can only begin to imagine the private lawsuits that may be heading down the pike and perhaps then, via testimony given in discovery, the complete facts will emerge. But the bottom line: it never should have reached the point of what transpired last night.
Finally, as a fan and former player, my position is there should be zero tolerance for any kind of physical altercation between a coach and one of the players (if that is indeed what happened).
I had 5 students go thru the the Westport school system from K -12. All went on to Colllege
. I had a teacher call out my child demand a meeting with the dean (my child told me about it) I arrived and the teacher said to me What are you doing here? I said I’m the PARENT. We discussed
Problem solved
Had a teacher said to my child , in class, out loud, “I don’t like you , and never have”. We got thru it , We discussed,
Child and teacher became friends.
Teachers are human. They make emotional mistakes. So do the kids. Sometimes loud and obnoxiously
Show me a teacher who can’t show you a gaff.
Show me a student that didn’t make a gaff
It’s called an angel- do they exist?
Howabout some private mediation.
BTW two of my children are teachers ( not in Westport)
My students from Jamaica want to write a book about our 5G Geography class. They’re age 67 and still keep in touch with me. Every student has strengths and they should be recognized for them.
Way to make another extremely serious topic, all about YOU.
Jack’s family has a history of contributing to Westport quality of life in so many ways. If he wants to make it about “him” or “them” once in a while that’s OK. His ledger is printed in black ink. Just make sure yours comes out in plastic bags.
I fully agree with the need expressed by many commenters here for a much more transparent and clearly defined approach to coaching policies and protocols. I do take exception to the way Ms. Elizaga mischaracterized Dan Woog’s intro to this morning’s post. I interpreted Dan’s inclusion that the student speaker was given more time to speak last night at the BOE meeting as underscoring the importance of what the student had to say, not as a means to undermine or make an issue of the student’s remarks. There’s plenty of blame to go around with this messy, unfortunate situation. Our time is now much better spent getting to the core of what really happened rather than dialing up the vitriol with yet another misplaced barb.
Damn, I always thought it was normal to be kicked in the ass (literally) by a coach occasionally, or dressed down with some colorful language occasionally. I totally agree and can relate with the comment of Jamie Walsh above. It builds character and probably served me well in the real world. For the record I am the same age and class as Dan Woog and Fred Cantor. However am I the only one that is alarmed at the comments made by this young man, particularly in the Westport Journal piece. I certainly hope that someone has their eye on him. I’ve seen tragedy in this town that involved far less.
Knute Rockne, Vince Lombardi or Hayden Fox wouldn’t last five minutes coaching in today’s Westport schools.
Being aware that online discourse almost never change’s anyone’s mind, after watching this young man courageously delivering his remarks in the face of what has obviously been a challenging period in his life, fueled by months of nasty comments being directed at him and his family, including by adults and supposed leaders in our community, I feel compelled to add my thoughts.
Unlike others in these threads, I will acknowledge my bias: I have known the family involved in this situation for almost 15 years, and know them – as boss, as peers and as friends – to be generous, gracious, thoughtful and of the highest integrity. Those are all values being imparted on their children, as highlighted – at least twice! – in this very blog, and when they were part of the group most visibly supporting this same coach the last time he found himself under fire for his behavior.
Seeing their character questioned and nefarious motives ascribed to them, largely from people with no knowledge of the events or even the people involved, has been a real eye-opener. Especially when, as the student stated plainly in his remarks but seems to have been lost to some of the commenters above, they were not even the ones that reported the incident and never asked for the attention.
A few observations, in no particular order:
* This should be (another) reminder to all of us to resist the urge to comment on, pass judgement about or cast accusations in situations where we don’t have sufficient information to do so;
* Until last night’s BOE meeting and based on everything posted about this situation, however vague and insinuating it was, this was presented to those of us not in the know as an issue of an out-of-favor player and their parents involving themselves over on-field decisions and disputes over roles, playing time, etc. While such behavior has indeed become endemic to our youth sports culture and has made the lives of even our most revered coaches extremely difficult, leveraging the outrage over that to fan the flames of this situation seems entirely inappropriate, and I wonder how many of the well-meaning people that signed the support letter would have done so had they understood it be an issue of abuse and not playing time;
* People you know can do bad things, and despite the esteem in which they are rightly held by their players, families and communities, coaches are not infallible; no amount of on-field success or long-term connection to a program absolves them of their primary responsibility, which is to ensure the health and safety of the kids they’ve been tasked with leading. The second speaker last night suggested that our coaches lacked the training to know how to deal with these types of situations; that would be concerning if true, but I have to question that given the amount of training anybody that’s volunteered to so much as roll the balls out for Kindergarten soccer has been forced to take as a reaction to the rash of abuse scandals that have been uncovered across youth sports over the last several decades. It’s made clear that these are very bright lines, not gray areas, and in most cases also come with a legal obligation to report. That is true even for situations that turn out to be nothing, and I would think coaches with nearly two decades of experience would be well-versed in these;
* Despite the claims to the contrary, it seems that a very clear process was followed by the administration and the people tasked with that responsibility took the action they deemed was appropriate. I would agree, however, that for the benefit of all of parties involved it would be ideal to have a mechanism whereby some amount of information is shared publicly that lets the shroud of uncertainty be lifted. It was clear that was a major source of the stress being placed upon the young man that spoke night, and the same is clearly true for the coaches involved as well;
* No matter how well-intentioned, our own personal anecdotes from our time playing sports, being in the military, etc. are not relevant here. Yes, our experiences taught us resilience, commitment, teamwork, sacrifice, earning your place, how to deal with disappointment, and a million other lessons that have made us who we are. And often. the more we were challenged, the more we grew, as athletes and as a people. But, to my earlier point, that does not appear to be the issue at the heart of this situation, and also, we have evolved over the last 20 – 30 years, such that a lot of behaviors that were normalized for us weren’t, in retrospect, acceptable. And knowing everything we’ve learned over that timeframe, we should feel emboldened to continue to call that out, not shout down, shun or bully those that stand up in the face of it.
Mr. Morgan –
I have one question for you. Do you know what happened with the soccer team the day before the “anonymous” tip came in? Unfortunately, when that question gets answered your post is going to look rather foolish. I was the second speaker last night. The comments I made about training for the high school coaches is true. I would encourage you to do your homework.
So…what happened with the soccer team the day before the “anonymous” tip came in? You seem to believe you know and that it will make people look foolish. This whole episode seems to be filled with rumor and innuendo. Why don’t you share your knowledge with us rather than adding to the pile?
This whole conversation is painful to watch.
1- Dan Woog impartially reported on a public matter
2- The student athlete aired his situation in a public forum
3- The coach was afforded an opportunity to say what was said about him was inaccurate and incomplete
4- The public has weighed in that there has been no transparency on what happened initially, what the investigation revealed, why three coaches were not renewed.
6- The student athlete feels shunned and ostracized.
So what can be done to fix this now!!
Team meeting in the old days would have resolved most of this.
Thank you to Dan for providing all the newpz that’s fit to print!!
If I mischaracterized Mr. Woog’s intent, I am sorry. I was basing my comments on this post as well as the two posts that previously came out. None of these posts tells both sides of the story, and the one-sided comment on time granted for the speakers seemed like an innocuous example.
There does not seem to be concern for the grave impact that the school’s lack of action and transparency has had on this student and his family. That is what’s at issue here. Continued chatter – on a large platform that is integral to Westport fabric – when there is, as I said earlier, a living, breathing, suffering student – a student! – at the center of this just seems really irresponsible to me.
It’s easy to say that tough coaching builds character. It is easy to guess at the facts. But that’s not for any of us to do. The issue that this student raised last night related to the narrative spiraling out of his and his family’s control because someone else reported it. This is a process that is failing him. He asked for help. His statement relates to the fact that he has been suffering. It relates to the fact that he was not, in fact, the whistleblower, but he is being blamed, shunned, and chastised – by other students as well as unrelated, fully grown adults in this community for an action taken by the school.
This is a mental health and safety issue. Wake up, people.
I wrote in a few days ago about the perils of being a teacher, coach , director and so forth dealing with youth today. I know my experiences as I outlaid in that comment. There is a great imbalance now going on. I can’t speak to this very sad situation specifically however.
If anyone from Saugatuck Elementary in the 60s remembers Mr. Bayus, a 5th and 6th grade teacher, oh man could he put the fear of God in you if you weren’t performing up to par. Happened to me once and then never again. I did my work that year and aced math that year with A’s. I cried, felt dressed down in front of the class, and I’m quite sure he could not have done that today. Parents would be complaining immediately. He was hard on his students and he got performance and the kids respected him. At least I did and some of the crazy boys fell in line in his class.Lol.
If there is transparency, what actually did the boy say that mocked and antagonized the coach who just got hit in the face! If we had done that back in the day, that was punishment or suspension territory to be disrespectful to a teacher. A big difference I suppose from today’s world and climate. Nor would most of us ever dared to mock and antagonize an adult who was in charge of us. It would be helpful to know. And did the boy say how he was physically assaulted? That would be helpful to the story.
I know a ballet teacher who recently got sued by a student for simply touching the student to correct a position that was incorrect. Which happens every day in ballet class. And this teacher was accused of inappropriate physical contact. This woman has taught ballet for 50 years! Thinga are out of whack in my opinion.
This is a very sad story but as a parent, the climate is not balanced. Many of us lived through nightmare scenarios with parents overdoing it at the expense of the children. It would be helpful since this was made public to know 1. What is the claimed physical assault …was he hit, pushed, etc? and 2. What was said by the boy to the coach that was mocking. Pretty vague on both sides if one is going to agree to publish public statements.
The same sort of thing happened a few months ago in New Milford. Allegedly their HS’s soccer coach slapped a kid across the face for wearing a lacrosse jersey to practice. Same pattern: 1) Coach and player have some sort of altercation, 2) Coach and player resolve it; all parties move on peacefully, 3) A third-party takes it upon themselves to notify the school.
This is where well-meaning zero-tolerance policies assure mutual destruction. Rumors swirl. The school says they can’t comment on personal matters. Not satisfied, someone demands “a full investigation”. Asked for comment by the press, someone of authority feels obligated to say “There should be no tolerance for [striking/touching a player or athlete, bullying, etc.].” So now the actual facts no longer matter. Rather, that at least one witness merely interpreted something as abuse now pretty much obligates the school/district to fire the coach because “our hands are tied”.
In sum, if we all want this to not be a recurring nightmare for everyone, we need to admit that well-meaning zero-tolerance policies result in ridiculous one-size-fits-all consequences, namely firings. Rather, the sort of policy I personally would advocate for is one where someone of authority could instead say “Of course we don’t condone such behavior– in general… But specific to the incident in question, I have full faith that our school officials acted responsibly in their assessment that the incident has been peacefully resolved to the satisfaction of all parties involved.”
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New Milford schools investigate allegations of soccer coach striking student: ‘Utmost seriousness’
https://www.newstimes.com/newmilford/article/new-milford-schools-allegations-coach-hits-student-19777595.php
New Milford soccer coach accused of striking student in front of ‘entire team’ resigns, report says
https://www.ctinsider.com/newmilford/article/new-milford-soccer-coach-resigns-strikes-student-19794967.php
2nd New Milford soccer coach resigns, citing ‘fallout’ from allegations of ex-coach slapping player
https://www.ctinsider.com/newmilford/article/second-new-milford-soccer-coach-resigns-19807124.php
I have no direct knowledge of this situation. I have only read the article and comments made on this blog as well as the Westport Journal article.I don’t know any of the parties involved.
Mr. Ocampo has claimed that he yelled at the student but did not touch the student in any manner whereas the student has claimed he was subjected to “physical abuse” by Mr. Ocampo at a soccer pre-season event. The student also used the term “assault” as he spoke to the Board of Education. Both parties have stated that the interaction was witnessed by others – perhaps up to 30 persons.
Staples had a duty to immediately question all parties who were present during the incident, to prove or disprove the student’s claim of physical abuse/physical assault. Mr. Ocampo should face criminal prosecution if the alleged abuse/assault took place. If the interaction was as Mr. Ocampo claimed – just a vocal exchange of harsh words with no threats of violence – Mr. Ocampo is owed a public apology.
The fact that the student has publicly acknowledged that he didn’t “feel safe” to attend the soccer banquet because the coaches were going to attend was concerning. [The quote made by the student at the Board of Education Meeting is below. “They” refers to the soccer coaches]:
“Knowing they were invited, I made the painful choice not to attend my senior banquet because I did not feel it was safe.”
If this student believes that his physical safety would be at risk by being in the presence of the soccer coaches – in a public setting such as the soccer banquet – why wasn’t the August incident reported to the police? The police would have been required to conduct their own investigation
I hope that Staples has at least properly investigated the matter. The results should be made public. To leave the matter as he said/he said is unjust. There were enough witnesses present to determine what took place.
Excellent comment. Amen.
Maybe examine the witnesses under oath under penalty of perjury with the investigation led by someone independent like the state police? Or, perhaps, the FBI? Lying to the Feds, of course, being a felony, which may dissuade folks from being less than truthful. Or cause them to invoke their 5th amendment rights, which itself might be amusing.
Where in any of the reports of this statement is there any accusation of “physical abuse”? I wish everyone would read Jonathan’s actual statement before referring to -and in this case putting in direct quotes -any mention of an accusation of physical abuse. Jonathan made no such accusation. He uses the term “assault” once, and “abuse” several times in his statement, but there is no accusation of any physical abuse. Not to put too fine a point on it, but “assault” is by definition NOT physical contact and can be accomplished entirely by language not even amounting to a threat, much less an attempted physical contact.
Again, both the the coach and his defenders do protest too much, methinks.
Mr. Hirst: After reading your comment: “He [Jonathan] uses the term ‘assault’ once, and ‘abuse’ several times in his statement, but there is no accusation of any physical abuse,” I wondered if the Westport Journal’s transcript of Mr. Costello’s statement was incorrect. Jonathan’s claim of “physical assault” by the assistant soccer coach appears in paragraph five of his statement to the Board of Education on January 16th.
Below is the video link to the January 16 BOE meeting.
https://play.champds.com/westportschoolsct/event/176
Between the 6:03 mark and the 6:15 mark, Mr. Costello clearly states: “And I have struggled how to figure out how to play the game I love in the face of psycho-emotional torment from a head coach as well as an incident of physical assault by an assistant.”
I noticed that the Westport Journal’s transcript includes the word “coach” after “assistant.”
There is no question that Staples student athlete Jonny Costello has accused the (former) Staples boys’ assistant soccer coach of committing “physical assault.”
Mr. Hirst: How (or, why) did you overlook the term “physical assault” when you read Jonathan’s statement? This is a fact that cannot (should not) be disputed. The concept of “We see what we want to see; we hear what we want to hear” comes to mind but such bias has no place when a serious criminal accusation is involved.
Verbal abuse of a child is never ok, regardless of what the kid did. You are an educator first and foremost and are held to the same standard as any other employee of the school. You are not their friend, regardless of how informal a setting that you may find yourself in. Be the adult.
For a long time Staples Soccer has turned a blind eye to coaching behavior like this, perhaps out of respect for Dan and the amazing work he’s done to build that program, but I’m glad to see it’s no longer being tolerated.
I’m all for second chances and rebuilding relationships, but behavior like this cannot be tolerated and needs to be addressed throughout the program, top to bottom.
Kudos to this kid for speaking out. Sorry this took away from your senior season.
The kid shouldn’t be shamed and the school should help stop that. You can believe that, and also believe the coaches were in line or out of line. The school is always very good at talking about bully prevention and always very bad at actually acting to stop it.
And FWIW the team has been coached by all assistant coaches since Dan left. Tacticians, not leaders, who didn’t earn the respect of the players. They tried to be friends with them in many cases (and not in many others). They all have growing to do and Dan should be chairman or coach emeritus and give them leadership training wheels until they are ready.
To the comment of people making it about themselves, it’s called being human! It is how a human typically begins to unsnarl and process an upsetting and difficult situation in a community that affects everyone really. Expanding out of Westport, these situations affect how it can go anywhere. It’s a big responsibility to make the claims here. Westport school system is a part of me for all the years I was there. Great schools , and my dad also taught there for a few years as well before moving on to to run Norwalk closed circuit educational tv channel.
How humans reflect and make decisions is largely based on their own perceptions and experiences, psychology 101. I was a recruiter for many years for large corporations and believe me, I’ve seen the human find innumerable ways to explain their lives and decisions. Why I work with dogs now in my 2nd career. So people are sifting through their own and their children’s experiences here trying to see the truth here. Normal and natural process in my view.
The truth I hope comes from proper investigation of more than 30+ people as direct witnesses. I suppose the coaches need to be put on leave until the facts are found. But….
I’m very disturbed that this coach’s very life path is potentially ruined from an anonymous tip and an assault charge with no actual details of what kind of physical assault. This affects his whole family also for life. The coach categorically denies the physical assault allegations. And also! The coach asks that people feel free to contact those 30+ witnesses as to the physical abuse charge. That doesn’t sound like someone who actually did what was said.
So this older man’s life gets ruined and that doesn’t seem to factor in here much it appears to me. And the anonymous tip thing, sorry something isn’t adding up here. Anonymous tip? Anyone should feel free to come forward as Dan demands we use our full names here. How can the administration get to the truth on an anonymous tip? I understand the young man feels hurt but he took a long time to charge physical assault, plus he and this coach worked it out right that day? Why do this now? Lots of unknowns to the public that that the two involved know the truth about and potentially 30 plus others. I don’t understand why nothing has been said about a student mocking and antagonizing a teacher because the teacher got injured. That can be considered abuse as well. Do a private investigation. Things to me don’t add up here. I listetned to people’s stories for years to make my decisions, and something isn’t adding up here in my view.
Life is tough . We all have had many teachers coming in many forms that prepare us to face life in earth which frankly, is a bit scary at the moment. Westport education system formed me as I was a very sensitive and intuitive child. My 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Irene Sheets, at Saugatuck Elementary. I was a top reader in her class, thumped me very hard in the temple one day to use my nogan. I wasn’t getting a sentence structure thing. I then got it and she remains one of my favorite teachers. She loved me and I knew it. People say and do things sometimes that aren’t perfect, but we survive, grow and learn. Are we just going to punish each other into oblivion?
It’s important to keep in mind that high school coaching doesn’t pay much, so you’ll need an additional source of income. Club players—and more specifically, their parents—provide significant financial support. This can occasionally lead to a conflict of interest and abuse.
My takeaway is that this school was NEVER like this when I was a student there and graduated from there in 1966. Not even a “thump on the head was allowed EVER!! In addition, what ever public school a child attends currently- no teacher/instructor can put their hands on a student or “bully” them!!! This is a FACT!! What the hell is going on there?? What kind of message are they sending to the students? Staples used to be a very well respected public school.. who ever is in charge should be changing the protocol to protect all students at all times while they are in the care of the school!!!
By the way- Dan Woog is doing a great job reporting…
Do we know the definition of assault in this scenario? Maybe the student feels getting severely yelled at in front of others as an “assault?”