OK To Delay: Westport Parents Find Strength In (Cellphone) Numbers

The introduction of the iPhone in 2007 — and all the smartphones that soon followed — was not the direct reason for all the social ills it is blamed for today: teens and tweens’ increasing rates of depression, bullying and suicide; preoccupation with body image; decreasing ability to focus; weaker personal relationships; more time spent indoors, and higher rates of obesity; lowered standardized test scores, and more.

Blame for that is more specific: apps that are engineered to be addictive, especially for the developing brain.

And cameras, which allow anyone to record anything, any time and anywhere. The front-facing camera — with the self-indulgent selfies that result — was a particularly powerful innovation.

Selfies may not be as innocuous as they seem.

A move to rein in smartphone use by young people has gained national momentum.

It has two prongs. One is to eliminate phones from schools. Greens Farms Academy will do that, beginning next month. The Westport Public Schools have begun discussions on it.

The second prong involves limiting the age at which children get their first phones.

And doing it in a community-wide way, so parents won’t feel guilt-tripped by their but-everyone-else-has-one-and-you’re-ruining-my-life-wailing/begging kids.

That second approach intrigues Erika Brunwasser.

Erika Brunwasser

The mother of 2 girls, ages 8 and 5, she’s on the cusp of dealing with those very important social and family issues.

The Westport resident’s full-time job is associate regional director of ADL Connecticut.

But she has a master’s degree in counseling and education. She spent 8 years — from 2009 to 2017 — as a counselor in New York city public and charter schools.

What she saw then — as smartphones evolved from time-saving, fun amenities to devices that rule our days — stunned, angered and terrified her.

“It’s completely changed the way kids socialize and engage with each other,” Brunwasser says.

As a counselor handling 500 students at Robert F. Wagner Middle School, Brunwasser says “every social-emotional issue came through me. There were so much social drama, with group texts, FaceTime, and everything else.”

That was in the mid-2010s. Now, she notes, “things are way worse.”

With her first-hand view of what was happening to other kids’ lives via clicks, tweets and likes, she and her husband have treaded carefully with their own children.

The parents don’t have phones at meals. Their daughters use iPads only on long drives.

A familiar scene.

A friend introduced Brunwasser to Ariella Feldman and Jessica Hirsch. They lead the Greenwich chapter of OK to Delay.

Founded in Darien, the group has a dozen chapters in Connecticut, New York, New Hampshire, Ohio and Florida.

OK to Delay’s mission is to unite parents who are concerned about the effects of early and excessive use of social media and smartphones.

The goal is to to “build a community of informed and empowered parents who will delay giving their kids smartphones, and reverse the devastating trends we are seeing with teen mental health.”

The focus is on elementary and middle school parents and families — the ages when the discussions about when, where and how to use smartphones begin, and are most fraught.

In April, Brunwasser posted on Facebook’s Westport Front Porch page about Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.”

Reaction was immediate. Two mothers of boys — Nicole Glick and Becca Zipkin — joined with Brunwasser to form a Westport chapter of OK to Delay.

Becca Zipkin and Nicole Glick.

Nearly every school in town now has an “ambassador.” They’re trained to give and lead informal talks, and help move the “delay” concept forward.

Okay to Delay is inclusive. “If you’ve given your kid a phone already, we want you to come to meetings,” Brunwasser says.

“There’s no shaming. You can learn about research, and how to set boundaries.” Simple ideas include phone-free meals, and leaving smartphones in the kitchen at night.

The whole point, she adds, is “to give childhood back to children. Being on Snapchat 24/7, looking at where your friends are and wondering why they didn’t invite you, is a horrible way to have an adolescence.”

A town-wide launch is set for Tuesday, September 17 (7:30 p.m., Westport Library). Attendees are asked to RSVP: OkaytoDelayWestport@gmail.com.

(For more information on OK to Delay, click here. To learn about the Westport chapter, email OKtoDelayWestport@gmail.com, or follow on Instagram: @OkaytoDelayWestport. To take their survey — Westport parents only, please! — click here.)

SMARTPHONE STATS:

• 13-18-year-olds spend an average of 8 hours a day on screens. They receive an average of 237 notifications daily.
• Since 2010, 18-25-year-olds have experienced a 92% increase in anxiety.
• Suicide rates follow a similar trend: up 134% for girls ages 10-14, and 109% for boys since 2010.
• Time spent face to face with friends has decreased by 50%, comparing Gen Z to the millennials before them.
• 90% of girls and 50% of boys (in the UK) reported being sent explicit pictures of videos on social media or via text.
• By age 13, 80% of girls are distorting the way they look online by using filters and special apps.
• There is a direct relationship between the age at which a child is given a smartphone (between ages 6 and 18), and their mental health outcome by ages 18-25. Depression, suicide, self-image, depression, aggression, suicidal thoughts, low self-confidence, poor self-image, detachment and weak relationships all increase for every year younger a child receives a smartphone.

(Sources available upon request.)

(Reading about children’s issues is important to “06880” readers. And your support is important to “06880.” Please click here to make a tax-deductible contribution to your hyper-local blog. Thank you!)