Julie List, a licensed clinical social worker, is a graduate of Kings Highway Elementary, Bedford Junior and Staples High Schools (Class of 1974).
After Princeton University she earned a master’s in social work. A longtime clinician and psychotherapist, she now works at Montefiore Hospital, and is on the faculty of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.
Julie still follows news from her hometown. She writes:
As a devoted Westporter and Staples graduate, I was extremely upset reading about the racism a Black family experienced in local schools.
The distraught parents, Dr. Carol Felder and Mr. Richard Anderson, recounted to the Board of Education their daughters’ experiences at Bedford Middle School and Staples High School.
I immediately posted the article on the Staples High School Alumni Facebook page, a group with about 6,000 members. I assumed everyone would want to know about it.
Julie List
Nearly a dozen people responded with the disappointment and outrage I imagined they would, and expressed shame about the town.
However, one of the site’s admins shut down comments, because he deemed it a “political post.”
When I objected privately he cited the rules of the group. Then, completely out of context, he posted a poll asking members if they wanted the site to include “political posts.” He did not say this was in reference to the horrible racist incidents occurring at Staples.
A large majority of the members who responded said “no.” In their comments they waxed rhapsodic about the good old days at Staples, preferring to hear about old friends, strolls on Compo Beach, or their former sports teams.
They kept referring me elsewhere, where people were “allowed” to write about current Westport events.
They did not want to hear about the pain the Black parents were feeling about the freedom some students feel they have to use the “n”-word, and other offensive interactions.
Racism is not something that can be whitewashed or ignored. Once it takes root, the entire system breeds more race-related discrimination.
Many Facebook users wrote that what happened was merely “bullying,” perhaps not understanding the enormous difference. They wanted the post and any allusions to current happenings at Bedford or Staples removed from their sweet memories.
Carol Felder spoke at a Board of Education meeting earlier this month. Her husband, Richard Anderson stood by her side.
Westport has always been a primarily white town. My mother, a Westport News and Fairpress journalist, used to tell my sister and me, “you should know this is not real life. Living here among mostly white people is not how the world works.”
When I went through the school system from 1st through 12th grade, maybe 4 Black families sent their kids to the public schools. Perhaps this lulled white students into thinking racism was not a problem.
One person wrote: “We put too much emphasis on race, religion and national origin… When we grew up in Westport I don’t think that really mattered (emphasis mine). But [what’s going on now] is part of an agenda that is being pushed down our throats.”
The underbelly of the so-called liberal or progressive town was openly revealed in these posts by people who had no interest in the extreme pain the Felder-Anderson family expressed at the Board of Ed meeting.
As a white person who has studied and taught anti-racism in mental health clinics and in a medical school for several decades, I have learned that the fact that many white people don’t want to talk about racism is because they think they don’t have to. Systemic, structural and institutional racism permeate our culture on all levels.
Here we have parents who asked for help to improve the school system to protect their daughters and other Black families in town. It’s fine if alumni don’t want to get involved with looking for solutions. But if they can’t even read about it and have a dialogue, there is something genuinely amiss.
I don’t care if this post is on the Staples High School Alumni Facebook site. I do care how speedily it was dismissed, and deemed “inappropriate” for alumni to read.
Going forward, how are those of us who are eager to brainstorm with the school system to educate and train teachers, administrators and students going to help?
I believe we all have to take some responsibility for what happened to the Felder-Anderson children. The children who acted in a racist manner should not just be scolded or grounded, nor should they be castigated for “bullying.” This is a much bigger and deeper problem.
“The most difficult thing” she has ever done, Dr. Felder said, “is to raise Black children in Westport, Connecticut.”
An excellent article that makes me remember the Quote, “ along with great privilege comes great responsibility!” I learned a lot about racism growing up in small town Kentucky where it it is still pervasive. We moved to Westport in the late 1950’s and while I had never gone to school with a black student , either in KY or Westport I learned a lot about slurs against people of different nationalities, ethnic groups and religions. I firmly believe that Racism is taught, we are not born racists. It’s up to all of us to nip it in the bud and educate children in particular that we should help one another and love one another. I learned a lot about that at Staples. I saw it work. It changed my world view.
Hi Charlie,
I learned about it at Mahackeno with you and your sister Ann as my counselors.
As a Jew, I have to bring this up:
Anyone who wants to combat anti- semitism must also work hard to fight racism! Period.
Thank you Julie List.
Racism is not “political” per se. it is cultural and needs to be discussed. We all have “implicit bias” and we need to understand that before we can work effectively to reduce it.
Although “racism” may well need to “be discussed” here in town, Betty-Lynn, I think the only way to reduce, never mind eliminate, racism, is for folks to live among and and socialize with people of many races and cultures. That is not likely to happen in Westport any time soon.
Yes, Julie, I agree you said it much nicer than I would, but those same people who want to ignore the issue are likely the some of same people that teach their own children about being racists or at least ignorance and how to keep their heads in the sand!
Hear no evil 🙉 , speak no evil 🙊 , see no evil 🙈
If we don’t discuss hatred being taught and have no or very minor consequences for those who feel “free” to express themselves this way, things can happen.
Such as in Nazi Germany, there were small signs of hatred emerging and then they got bigger and bigger. Too many people either put their heads in the sand or bought into the hatred and prejudices being taught and were afraid to speak up, so because of that 6 million Jews were sent off to be killed. Many of the same people who don’t want to hear about this black family‘a experience may also be some of the people who want to believe the holocaust never happened.
People need to really take a good long look in the mirror and think about what kind of legacy they want to leave. So they want to be remembered for staying quiet or so they want to be remembered for trying to be part of the solution?
I would love to help educate adults and students about how to NOT bully or hate anyone who seems different from them in any way! Our US history needs to be taught in a way that is truthful and how awful and hurtful it was and still is for many!
Start with, if you see something, say something! Discuss it and make sure something is done about it! If it isn’t happening to you, feel awful for those it is happening to and realize it could happen to anyone, even you!
Surely not a political issues. The Facebook alumni should be ashamed and held accountable for viewing this issue as such. This is the problem with deeply rooted racism—pure ignorance. I think about this everyday my biracial child goes to school, in classrooms flooded with children that don’t look like him. What are these children being taught at home about Black people? How “traditional” are the mindsets of the educators spending time with my child? How early do I need to start explaining to my child that there are those that exist that may hate him just because of the color of his skin? Rather than shutting down the conversation, the opposite needs to happen if we will ever invoke the change needed for our community, for our society and most importantly, on the deeply engrained and troubling mindsets of how Black people are viewed.
Great article, Dan! Thank you for sharing!
Westporters, (probably as a consequence of advanced intelligence, perfected sense of self-esteem and an abundance of Starbucks) tend to over complicate simple issues. Racism, like all evil, comes from not following The Golden Rule or its cultural variants which can be found in all civilized religions (or in the Staples Student Handbook). Additionally, we have to be reminded that “If it is to be, it starts with me” (not Tooker, not Scarice, not Harmer and CERTAINLY not Ganeshram.
I agree, racism is not political and the Facebook admin was wrong to frame it that way. I’m a member of those Facebook pages and I don’t want politics entering the discussions – but this wasn’t politics, this was news. Westport has always had a rather rosy view of itself and to deny even a discussion about racism in Westport is representative of the problem.
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Brava for bringing this to the forefront. It does take a village to raise compassionate, empathic and decent children. Everyone needs to be held accountable, starting with the parents at home who display the behavior children mimick. The school system has failed terribly in educating our youth both in issues of racism as well as anti-semitism and other “anti”. It’s not a political issue, it’s a humanitarian issue affecting the US in huge proportions. Money never equated decency. Westport, tauted as such a wonderful place to live, has to do better so it’s a wonderful place to live for all. Pushing this issue under the rug is not an option.
Thank you Julie List! Was so disappointed to read about the treatment of the Felder/Anderson family when I read the 1st posting. Westport kids, families and schools can take the higher road here… this just doesn’t represent how the majority of towns people feel and act in life.
Thank you for this post!
We all need to strive to do better! Racism, on any level, should not be tolerated. We have to do a better job as parents. Teachers are doing a really good job in our schools. It is time for parents to step up and DO better. All of this is not on the schools. It is the parents who make the children who they are and how they behave. We are the real teachers! This has nothing at all to do with politics, although voting for leaders who are rude bullies, does not help.
Charles (Chuck) Pillette, Staples Class of 1966
I will never forget a fellow Staples student, circa 1964, explaining very carefully that Westporters were being respectful of the feelings of Black folks by seeking to let them live “among their own,” which I took to mean living in, for example, racially-mixed, lower-income Norwalk.
At the time, as far as I can remember, Staples only had three Black students, all siblings from the Johnson family, one in the Class of ’65, the other two in my Class of ’66. As the common gossip ran, their parents had to use a subterfuge to buy their house in Westport, when this was what I had mentioned during a general discussion of Southern racism. (
was an issue that was being fought over quite actively then, with racism taken by Westporters in general to be a Southern problem. We were liberals! No racism in Westport, no! Well, there were no Kluckers amongst us burning crosses, but there sure was some quiet racism, if you knew where to look.
I am from a migrant background (Irish, mostly) but I generally could “pass” back then, and I just met this wonderful example of liberal hypocrisy with a raised eyebrow, nothing more.
I would say that what Ms. Felder has brought up is a social, not a political issue, and one that deserves or demands open discussion.
When it comes to racism per se, I put in many years living and working in Nigeria, West Africa. (One out of every 5 Africans is a Nigerian.) Later I went back to Marlboro College, Marlboro, Vermont, to finish my BA. Try and guess how far I got there telling soft-minded little liberals that racism and homophobia is rampant in Nigeria. It’s not a white problem nor a Black problem, but a human problem, and dragging it out into the open is about the only way to get past it.
shouldn’t you resist inserting into their obv very real anguish – they’re concerned for their child’s feelings, that’s got to be excruciating – YOUR seeing the world by skin tone ?
I’ve never known of anyone in Westport who saw people by skin tone, & my WSPT experience is going all the way back to my grandparents’ clique who really enjoyed their summer/weekend retreats to WSPT & Weston. you’re the 1st person I’ve ever heard in or fr WSPT to do that.
These parents are obv legit concerned but won’t they feel better knowing the intentions and meanings of what other kids said wasn’t meant to bully, wasn’t thought by them to be racist because way too many people now use the n’word so that for today’s kids it doesn’t mean what it meant when we, when our grandparents were kids? When I was a kid a Friend of a family ami came for Sunday dinner at grandparents and said a word equivalent to n’word and I was sobbing in convulsions for hours after because I said hearing that word would hurt feelings of anyone ‘black’. he was never invited back again. Now I hear that word used by kids of all skin tones when they’re talking to one another & they’re all same clique = these words don’t mean what they used to to the kids using them. That means something = make these parents feel at least relieved it’s said without the meaning they were told it had when they were kids, when their own parents were kids.
For a social worker it sounds more like you’re throwing gas on a hot spot instead of trying to legit bring honest real peace and happy friendship.
I love my memories of Westport, Ct. I’m not putting down my old hometown. However… I remember not one black child in the 60s or early 70s when we moved away, who attended my classes in Westport public schools.
It never occurred to me to expect any African American children to attend our schools. I’m so sad about that. When we moved to the Main Line Philly, much better mix but not perfect by any means. One of my very best friends in high school and beyond was an amazing Jimmy Hendrix guitar player guy. A Philly celebrity, who was African American. He died in 2015 and not a day goes by when I don’t think about him, miss him and his gifts and his light as my best friend. And also what he endured being black on the Main Line. I wish I had known more but I didnt and never gave it much thought as he was my bff. I still love him greatly every day.
I love that Westport is thinking about adding affordable housing to its community. We need to learn how to all live together and love each other. Color is secondary to our souls. We need to see each other’s souls to stop this racism.
These days, people are ready to make a political issue of just about anything. Especially will the moderator of a forum make a political issue of any post that tells a story he does not want to hear. But telling the truth has nothing to do with politics. You can’t whitewash the facts by labeling any statement of the facts “political.”
Thank you Julie for your well written piece.
Bullying is horrible as it is; racist bullying is unacceptable and deplorable. Hopefully the Westport School
District will learn from this experience and address racism with deeper perspectives. Children need to know that racist slurs are never ok. If parents don’t teach that at home, the schools need to step up and do a better job.
The schools do address racism and teach about it. I am finding that it is the parents who are failing at this. Just look at who half of our country supports as a leader. Is it shocking that the people who vote for him do not care about racism or bullying? In fact, these are the same parents who probably support such entities as Prager U and other outlets who say we fabricate racism and make too big of a deal about it! Sadly, it is political bc these people (parents) fight for racism NOT to be taught about in our schools! How can you not teach about racism then expect superintendents to punish racist remarks? Part of all of this is making sure that parents understand why black history month is so incredibly essential to our curriculum. Remember, Ron Desantis is erasing all of this from Florida curriculum. Imagine how he would deal with a racist remark in a Florida school! I am glad to live in a state that understands the inportance of teaching about how racist our country still really is!
Dear Ms. Farley,
I only lived in Westport for about seven years in all. What I experienced was a rather stratified little town. We had the WASPs, the Jews, the “Italians,” a few self-styled “Irish,” some random folks from Eastern Europe, and that was about it from my narrow perspective. And people tended to stay in their lane then.
Three black kids in Staples was like three raisins in a 55-gallon drum of vanilla pudding, but there definitely were people who had moved then to keep that from happening: Westporters!
Most of the Blacks could be seen riding the bus into town in the morning, to work, and riding out again in the evening, going back to where they belonged. Not that they had to ride in the back of the bus, we weren’t a load of ignorant crackers and hillbillies, but still … there was a system at work then.
I never had to “sob in convulsions for hours” after encountering bigotry in Westport; it was pretty common stuff! And it came from all directions, because children can be real little jerks, and some of the parents not a lot better. I just took it for one more part of life’s rich pageant. As we like to say now, it was not a bug but a feature.
You can not be serious, Ms. Farley, to maintain that some white kid using the N-word on a Black kid is doing anything but trying to inflict harm. Yes, it has become fashionable among Blacks to use the N-word (or more commonly just “nigga”) as some sort of term of address or of casual abuse, but that does not take away the much greater harm of an outsider using the N-word at all, let alone on a fellow student.
“Real peace and happy friendship,” in suburbia? Say what?! The essence of suburbia is having escaped some other place, one full of stress, strain, and striving, and unwanted encounters with “the other.” Letting “the other” in defeats the whole point of the exercise for the average suburbanite.
Just for context, one Staples classmate, when asked about what else he might want to see at a reunion of the Class of ’66 besides the clambake and the sing-along suggested a “tactical nuclear strike,” when that might have been me.
Yours,
Chuck Pillette
Westport has always been racist, you just hide it better than others.
In the 70’s when the Westport Young Women’s League was spearheading the campaign to build a playground at Campo, there was mostly “neighborhood beach locals” community outrage because of the fear that busloads of blacks from Bridgeport would come play there.
I guess it’s ok if they come and run on the Staples track team.
Get over yourselves, you’re less anti-semitic than some of the neighboring towns because of the demographics – but to be a Black kid in any of these fancy Fairfield CT towns is still being a unicorn – even in 2024.
Listen to David, he is 100% correct. Contributors to this blog, who live out state, who still have Sh*thead HS ’73 in their signature, were racist then, and still are.
You know who you are
Respectfully, and I might be wrong here, but I think David is referring also referring to current residents, including many of those that post here. You can just look back to some of the not that long ago comments about beach fees and access. Or the staunch opposition to any changes to zoning that might allow a more diverse population to be able to afford to live in town, not because of racism of course, but because it might change the “character” of Westport.
Hate has no home here, but, unfortunately neither can most POC.
When I lived and taught in Jamaica during the 1976-77 school year, I was amazed at that there wasn’t much racism. The racism that existed was the rich versus the poor. And all the white female teachers, from the United States, dated black Jamaicas. As the white female Spanish teacher told me, “I couldn’t date black guys in Nebraska, so I came to Jamaica where it’s not an issue! This was 1976.
It can only be helpful for people to speak up on issues of racism in town. So good on Ms Felder and Mr Anderson. Of course kids will be jerks and use any insults at hand to go after any other kid, but while Westport strangely believes itself to be disproportionately enlightened, the truth is that like every other town, it is racist and at the same time it isn’t. I was at Assumption School in 1970 when that Catholic school received 25 or so black students bussed from Bridgeport. The program was a great success from the start. I can only remember as a student that those kids were not merely accepted – they were cherished – by the students, the parents and definitely by the then middle-aged hippie nuns that were there. Of course by 1970, with sports, music and television programs, black had become very cool with the white kids I knew both at Assumption and at Central Catholic High School in Norwalk. I can’t remember a thought about it – except that we felt bad they had to get up so early and get home so late.
At the same time that year, however, a fair chunk of Westport went into full panic mode at the very prospect of bussing kids to their children’s public schools. See, CT Insider 2012, “Not So Open to Change: Admitting City Students Once Divided Westport” (great picture of Walt Melillo for those Westporters who remember Walt). As the article notes, the public schools did eventually accept students, and it was as great a success as it was at Assumption. The parents who then feared the floodgates of poor blacks eventually praised the program – some took credit for it. Racism is always little more than fear of the “other”. So 50+ years later, I think just about everyone here realizes that it’s time Westport had some more of ALL of the other. If that’s true – we’ll then maybe Westport has become at least slightly more disproportionately enlightened.
“…you have to be carefully taught.”
Racism starts at home. And home is where it can be stopped.
Hi everyone, Westporters past or present , I wrote this article and thank you for your comments, which are helpful. I think we all agree that the wellbeing of children is our concern and to that end, I’m wondering if anyone knows anyone who works in the Board of Ed. I’d like to see if there is a way to help the schools with this problem. If anyone else has had training in anti-racism, maybe you have some ideas, too. The question is not “does racism exist in Westport schools”, but rather an acknowledgment that racism exists everywhere in the U.S., and in all of us who are white, either consciously or unconsciously. It’s not a debate. I don’t think anyone wants to know that the family that is suffering hears more of these comments or innuendos directed at their kids. They asked for help. Can we respond?
You can easily write an email to any BOE member and ask to meet with them! Some are more responsive than others and some are more willing to address racism than others.
The Anti Defamation league is already involved in the school system due to the anti- semitism concerns. They also cover any form of racism or bias. The Anti Defamation league is also meeting at Temple Israel along with Tom Scarice on March 13th. Again, this is about anti semitism but also all forms of bullying/ racism.
The school had a DEI team that you could talk with as well perhaps. Maybe get the NAACP involved as well? Maybe get involved with TEAM Westport!?
Some people in town fight against racism being brought up BTW. It is pretty pathetic. It IS a debate and it is a debate bc one particular party believes racism does not exist and is exaggerated/ fabricated. I have heard some people say this with my own ears.
Thanks so much, Stephanie . I appreciate your constructive advice.
I’m just focusing on the family’s request for help. (Given what’s going on in the Middle East it’s a very painful time for everyone and I have no expertise there, so I won’t be going to Temple Israel – I went there growing up and have great memories there, too) . I can’t do much but maybe there are some Westporters who are open to discussion.
If these people think that bringing up black children in Westport is the “ hardest thing they ever had to do” well then they have living with a silver spoon in their mouth! Im not going to apologize for living in Westport rather than Bridgeport where I can experience more crime etc. Done that!. Nor will I condemn Westport for being the place I worked hard all my life to live in. Making a mountain out of a molehill will not change the isolated discrimination of a few, Right from Trumps playbook this kind of attention only creates “ haters” is this what your looking to accomplish?
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Anyone who appears before a Town Organization needs to be treated seriously and with respect. Some times we have to listen to uncomfortable words to gain important incites into our own world view. Denying or demeaning someone else’s perspective does not encourage positive change for a community.
We need to appreciate that our personal experience is not necessarily the point that is in question. Listening to another’s experience should make us question our own way of thinking. This conversation is not about Bridgeport it is about Westport and what happens here and we need to hear that.
I expect our town and our country will always suffer from racism, anti-semitism, and other minority hatreds that are fueled by fear of the “other.” Parents have always passed their prejudices on to their children, and peers to their peers, but the current Trumpian climate worsens the situation by beckoning to our worst natures. The only antidote, other than the voting booth,is for people like Julie to speak up loud and clear. Brava Julie and those who commented on your post.
The Rubino family is with you Julie. We were horrified to hear what Carol Feldman and Richard Anderson’s child and other black and brown children in our community. Love one another is what we teach and how we live. We would like to be a part of making change. I’m sad for anyone that thinks otherwise and walks with hate in their hearts. They are losing out.
I’m late to the comments, but wanted to praise this post. Ms. List, thank you for writing it. I’m always baffled by people being surprised by racist comments in this town. We live in one of the most segregated states in the United States. The kids (and parents) who have grown up here probably have more implicit bias than the average U.S child. I worried about this before I moved here and have only grown more worried about it ever since then. I was a military brat and lived all over the U.S. and internationally and, on relative terms, the homogeneous environment here is bizarre.
It’s also odd that some people seem to think having a good school district has to come at the cost of the general segregation in our state and a more homogenous population in town. There are numerous school districts ranked higher than ours that have B+s and As in their diversity scores. Ours is a C+, and that seems generous.
There’s a song by Lerner & Lowe in the play and film version of “South Pacific” entitled “You Have to Be Carefully Taught”, that says everything I believe about prejudice.
It may be against the law to have elementary school children sing the national anthem each morning, but perhaps this educational song might be allowed.
Perhaps a version of the song by Beyonce or Taylor Swift or John Legend could make it number one on the music charts.
Now, wouldn’t that be something?
Great idea… but Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II get the credit.
Gloria, you’ve solved the racism sdue that’s so prevalent in Westport with a song!
I for one will be riding my Unicorn, enjoying my snow cone while enjoying the music and the elimination of racism in Westport.
One word: wow.
I sense some sarcasm here… perhaps it stems from ignorance. American ,musicals while appearing light weight or even frivolous often mask a deep cutting diagnostic and curative probe into American psyche.
Rodgers (a resident of Fairfield) and Hammerstein explicitly aimed their musical South Pacific at post WWII racism… they used the microcosm of Tonkin from Tales of the South Pacific by James A. Michener to explore racism and confront mid century Americans with the fact, consequences and potential resolutions of American racism… in a sugar-coated pill of great, popular, Broadway entertainment.
While it would be nice to hear little kids singing, “You’ve got to be carefully taught”, what would really be powerful is a Staples drama production of South Pacific or some other equivalently important theatrical probe of our community’s very serious problem… so the adults in the audience might get the message.
Mr Liepolt (sorry I can’t think of you any other way), you may be in to something. A play that discusses more current racial issues and discussion groups afterwards. Instead of head on training , using theater as the vehicle through which to explore reactions to racism . Now let’s think of which play .
Ms List,
Here ya go! There’s a web-site for what you need:
https://www.tyausa.org/freeplay/
Award-winning playwright, poet, and changemaker Idris Goodwin offers five short plays for multi-generational audiences to spark conversation about race in America.
TYA/USA is honored to provide a platform for award-winning playwright Idris Goodwin to present five short plays to spark conversation and serve as a catalyst for action. Each of these short works, written to be read across the multi-generational spectrum, offer different insights about disconnects in racial conversation and the Black experience in America. Goodwin hopes that this release also provides a model for open-source theater and storytelling, in which the connection between playwright and community is direct.
WEBINAR: THE IMPACT OF FREE PLAY
Check out a webinar on the impact of FREE PLAY, a conversation with Idris Goodwin and a number of organizations that produced the works. (Webinar recorded December 10, 2020 as part of TYA/USA’s Virtual Reality: Producing and Presenting TYA Online and Offsite. For more info, visit http://www.www.tyausa.org/virtual).
Thank you for your career. Thank you for your commitment. Change begins at home. Converse with the Super., the Principal, the Theater directors, etc.
This sounds so cool!! I’m going to read it carefully later on.
Are you an educator or a theater person? Or neither 😊This looks like a really good idea. If others have ideas for multicultural ways to discuss race in a safe , or as we say, “brave” space , let’s share them . Thank you so much!