As temperatures plunge, Westporters’ tempers rise.
Well, that’s not exactly true. They’ve been at a boiling point for months.
Enough is enough.
A pair of controversies — the Parker Harding Plaza renovation, and construction of a new Long Lots School — have evoked passionate responses by residents, on all sides of the many-pronged issues.
Plus plenty of anger, nastiness and personal attacks.
For nearly 15 years, the “06880” Comments section has been a place to share opinions, insights and ideas.
From time to time, it becomes a place of incivility, even venom.
This is one of those times.
Again: Enough is enough.
An elementary school reconstruction plan sparks fierce debate.
It’s fine — crucial, in fact — for Westporters to offer their 2 cents. We need to hear what our neighbors, friends and fellow taxpayers think.
It’s not fine to attack them, impugn their motives, and call them names. It’s certainly not fine to swear at, or about, them.
These are, after all, our neighbors, friends and fellow taxpayers.
Some are just like us: sitting on the sidelines, watching the world of Westport go by.
Some have taken the bold step of volunteering for public service, devoting hundreds of hours to do what they can to help our town.
It’s mind-numbing to watch some of their meetings. It’s mind-boggling to think that’s only part of what they do, for no pay.
And not only no thanks, but volumes of vitriol.
Long Lots School Building Committee members are volunteers.
Even those public servants who get paid — the 1st selectwoman and heads of departments, for example — are human beings. They have feelings and families, just like all the keyboard warriors.
I’ve said it before, in this post and in the past. Now I have to say it again: Enough is enough.
We tell our kids to stop bullying. We lament the polarized state of our nation.
So let’s start modeling the behavior we want. Actions speak louder than angry words.
It’s time to reiterate rules that I’ve made in the past (and unfortunately, as the sometimes overwhelmed Comments moderator, not always followed): No personal, ad hominem attacks.
No accusations of nefarious activity.
No swearing.
Before commenting — or at least, hitting “submit” — ask yourself: Is this really the way I want people to think of me?
Is this something I would be comfortable saying in front of my kids — or hearing them say?
If I heard someone else say it in a public meeting, at the supermarket, or in church or synagogue, what would I think?
Moving forward, commenters will be limited to 3 per thread. Be judicious. Don’t repeat yourself. Address the topic, not the person. Play nice.
Violators will be given a “time out” — banned for a while — just like elementary schoolers. You know, the same kids some adults are writing about.
Westport can be a contentious community. Everyone has an opinion, and there are multiple controversies to have opinions about.
But it is still a community. It’s a small town, filled with neighbors and friends.
Everyone here wants it to be the best it can be. We may disagree on what that means. That’s normal, and appropriate.
That does not mean anyone who disagrees with us is malicious or evil. No one here is out to destroy the town.
Let’s not destroy each other in the process.
Thoughts? Click “Comments” below.
Hmmmmm; Guess, once again, I’m in the minority…always, I have been impressed by the polite, thoughtful tenor of MOST of the comments on 06880 and the few, and I do think it is a few percentage wise, raw, rough and rude ones add flavor and a pinch of WOW to the daily hum drum of Westport’s goings on.
I hope I thought long enough before posting.
when the attacks and comments are personal and not the subject of the topic I agree with Dan.
I agree with Dan on everything that he said except possibly one thing: limiting each commenter to three comments. As long as the comments follow the rules, there could be times when more could be acceptable. The Washington Post doesn’t limit the amount of comments. I’d like to hear comments about my comment. Of course it’s Dan’s blog and he can do whatever he thinks is right, but my feelings are if one is in compliance, what’s wrong with four responses?
Thanks, Jack. I put in that rule because comments often become repetitious. The same point is made, over and over again. There should be no reason you can’t make your point, respond twice to others, then move on. I’ll revisit this if people follow the rules. And that includes another one that I did not even mention: the proliferation of commenters using fake names. Don’t get me started …
Whoa.. the fake name comments! I’ve been the object of a few of those. My thoughts are if you can’t attach your real name to a comment, don’t make the comment!
2016 CHANGED ALL ETHICAL BEHAVIORS
well stated.
Well, not really – it just made it more visible.
When I worked for big oil in corporate America my first boss told me to assume all my emails would be read in front of a judge and my mom! It’s always stuck with me! You wrote it, you own it!
“You wanna mudwrestle, take it to FB.”
It is interesting that after months of angry posts by folks upset that their garden may be impacted that this scolding post comes the day after parents decided to make themselves heard en masse. Truly a mystery!
I think that was largely because there seem to be a scripted message including falsehoods (like “private club”). The gardeners who have spent months advocating for the building of a school (while wanting to protect their twenty years of work) were understandably taken aback.
Well said. Thank you, Dan!
A timely post, because this morning while walking the dog I was mentally writing a furious letter to 06880 about a preposterous law that the P&Z will not allow a variance for – and simultaneously thinking how nice every staff person at the P&Z is.
HOWEVER: the preposterous law didn’t just materialize. A group of people wrote it and voted it in (at some point in the past). That doesn’t allow for incivility against people, but people – especially the ones we vote into office – DO need to be discussed at times. Because it is those conversations that may inform how we vote in the next election.
So, yes, talk mainly about issues – but sometimes it’s necessary to talk about the people behind the issues. Just without vitriol.
well said Dan! Bill Harmer of the best in the country’s Westport Library has been running an effort on this important topic of civil discourse. You nailed it. People get worked up and just like we have seen on social media, get fueled to spit out all forms of angst and aggression. Like most coaches tell parents and players, wait 24 hours before you want to bring up a tough issue, think it through after you calm down. Too many people fire first and think later. Your rules are great, it should help people see the forest through the trees. Jamie Dimon, who is a very well respected leader in finance, CEO of JPM, gave a great interview from Davos, on CNBC. He is socially liberal and fiscally conservative, but a moderate democrat. He spoke broadly about the world, socially, and economically. We are so used to hearing the extremes of both sides that are made out to represent that side, he called them wing nuts. They scream louder and get a greater presence because it is entertaining. Often times, the rational thoughts on each side of a debate get drowned out by the wing nuts. If everybody can agree on something in the middle first and then discuss how to get there, it may help the process. That was one key thing that came up in Bill Harmers first event around discourse. Find the thing that both sides agree with first, and then work backwards on getting there.
Another unpaid laborer in this political cauldron is you, Dan. I presume you will be doing more moderation of Comments and here’s thanking you for it in advance.
Bill Harmer. Tile Wall Status. Answers. RSVP. That’s my second of three. Don’t make me use the third.
I honestly fear for our country. This is far from limited to Westport. Why is everyone so angry? And yes, model better behavior.
Thank you! People can have opinions, but using f bombs, profanities, and bullying people, including the superintendent, elected officials, the town selectwoman, and other parents is not ok.
The first Amendment rights to a free press and free speech serve as a check-and-balance to government. It allows the people to challenge those who govern and is essential in a democracy.
Elected officials are subject to “Fair Comment,” as affirmed time and again by the Supreme Court. If you are an elected official or body, you are a public figure. Along with the responsibilities to your constituents comes the scrutiny by your constituents, the press, and others.
No one should be chastised for a fair comment about elected figures or bodies, as long as there is no “reckless disregard for the truth” or “malicious intent.” That is the law of the law, and a cornerstone of democracy.
Having said that, falsely and knowingly accusing someone of a crime is defamation.
Toni, the First Ammendment applies to government action, not website moderation.
Mike
The First Amendment guarantees Free Speech. I was replying to Ms. Frankel, who admonishes for criticizing public figures. I was not commenting on moderating a website.
I think Dan does an exceptional job and provides an invaluable service to Westport (though I have actually heard elected officials use profanity about this very blog).
-30-
While it is obviously sensible to expect civility in comment sections, emphasis on ‘civility first’ leads to comment sections filled with politely stated lies and lots of passive aggression.
I think that if people are willing to attach their names to their comments, pretty much anything goes. (Though I get how it can be a PITA for the moderator to confirm the name of every commenter.)
Maybe don’t allow comments from new registrants until they go through a simple confirmation process that guarantees who they are? (Though I am obviously unsure how many new people come to the site on a daily basis.)
I think the vitriol is being modeled after what is seen on the national stage since 2016. Repeat, loudly and rudely over and over again, your ‘position’, and attacking your opponent, even saying its an alternative fact. What the heck is an alternative fact?!? Its either the truth or a lie – give me a break!
And yet, its the repeating over and over of this ‘fact’ and having others also ‘yell’ this ‘fact’ that somehow qualifies the ‘lie’ as now the ‘fact’, because so many others of screamed and stamped their feet about it. I am feeling defeated by whats going on in this country as it trickles down to our town and others like it.
Lets face it – lack of transparency & proliferation of special interest groups is a HUGE problem in this town – unfortunately existing at the very top and modeled by those that wish to drive their special interest through with as little visibilty and oversight as possible. Somehow this is now seen as acceptable behavior – I’m guessing – because what we have lived through on the national stage.
what does the 2016 election have to do with this. Isthis sour grapes
the rhetoric of Trump. for example. punch that guy in the face and I’ll pay your legal fees. Basebat ball superimposed over DA Bragg head that Trump twittered. This behavior is applauded by large rally goers supporting a man found liable for rape that’s just a few examples.
Myself, I often note a change in 2015-2016 in our own decades-long corporate and agency life, when it suddenly seemed OK and permissible to be rude, mean, and ungracious. I cannot say for sure, but one might trace this back to the former president, or to social media. Or better yet, to the combination of those two.
On our end, we started declining work from even good-paying clients who would not always engage with us graciously and politely. And it is much much better this way.
Thank you Dan for articulating the rules of engagement and seeking an higher bar. It seems a good model.
Well Dan you tried.
Too bad there’s not a way to install these in order for your post to save….
https://www.intoxalock.com/ignition-interlock-devices/breathalyzer-for-car-ignition#:~:text=A%20breathalyzer%20for%20car%20ignition,order%20to%20start%20your%20vehicle.
@ Joan Ryan – not sour grapes, merely commenting on how public discourse has changed since then – i.e. alternative facts is now a thing that can be championed, repeated, shouted, etc, instead of meaningful discussion and most importantly, compromise – somehow a dirty word now. (scratchs head)
F bombs are not appropriate in comments and towards public officials
Welcome to America! We can drop bombs but remember be civil about it!
It has frequently crossed my mind that in addition to there being to spell-check, a civility-check feature on our electronic devices might be helpful. Or, perhaps a de-snide function. 😉
Thanks to our Federal Government for making it almost protocol to call each other names and demean those who they disagree with. For 42 years the Mohonk Children’s home in Westport has instilled in every child who came to our programs to ALWAYS make a case for “the other side” that is sincere and thought out. My God does that change the light!! Our politicians should set a new standard by going back to kindergarten and listening to their teachers
Boy, oh boy, Dan. Did you ever open Pandora’s Box with this post! While I agree with everything you said, I’m sure there are many people from all points on the political spectrum that will have plenty to say in response. All I will say is thanks for your comments.
Bravo Dan and well said.
I may detest what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
Certainly a bot of common courtesy is a lot less drastic a choice .
Frank
Given your sentiment – one that is unanimously valued by every citizen of our nation – it’s quite ironic that our RTM is currently conspiring to encode a methodology to censor that precise protected right by filtering which issues they will permit to be discussed.. AND they have decided to institute this censorship without bothering to inform and get permission from their constituents whose interests they swore an oath to represent over their own. They didn’t care what their constituents wanted…but you should.
If you, and the others on this blog, actually believe in the right and importance of unfettered speech by respectful residents you don’t need to “defend to the death”….just tell the RTM to abort their unconstitutional assault on petitioner’s protected right to be heard..
Oh Dan, I grew in Westport 1974 staplers back when people were kind and fun
Westport has fallen very far from that place where we would see Paul Newman in the local store
It’s packed with I don’t know, terrible selfish people
It’s sooo sad
Amen Dan. I especially appreciate your reference to keyboard cowboys and if you wouldn’t say what you’re writing to a person’s face, you shouldn’t post it ( here or anywhere). Healthy debate yields better solutions. Libby nasty comments out of the bunker is poison.