Dude, I Got Fired!

The New York Times‘ “Metropolitan Diary” usually offers up cute, only-in-the-city tales about taxi drivers, museum guards and  — earlier this year — Westporter Catherine Onyemelukwe’s encounter with a Nigerian saleswoman at Bloomingdale’s.

Last week, there was a much different type of story. In the words of former Westporter Rod Serling, it is “submitted for your approval.”

Or disapproval.

Dear Diary:

After 15 minutes spent waiting in the rain with a dead phone, Robbie finally found me. We walked back to his place, a two-bedroom Harlem walk-up with a third bed in the main room that was made of plywood and inexplicably stood about 10 feet off the ground. It held a 20-something male whose connection to Robbie or his middle-aged father was never made clear.

spliffWe sprawled out on the couch and smoked a spliff, which was why I had agreed to come uptown this late, even though I had to be in Connecticut at 5 the next morning for work.

“I have to catch the train,” I eventually said, floating on air. “The last one leaves at 1:55.”

We walked to Harlem 125th, without umbrellas. By the time I was on the platform, I was bone-tired, soaking wet and very stoned. So much so, in fact, that I got lost in my thoughts and failed to board the train, even when a door opened inches away from me. I came to just as the train was leaving, and cursed loudly.

I had no choice; I got on a 2:05 train to Stamford, and there found a cab that would make the 30-minute drive to the Westport station, where my car was parked.

Ninety minutes, $75 and one headache later, I pulled into my parents’ driveway. The clock on the kitchen counter read 3:30, half an hour before I was supposed to wake for work. I decided to stay up and wait out the time, sat down on the couch, and promptly passed out until 7:30.

I was fired.

6 responses to “Dude, I Got Fired!

  1. Dear Diary Writer,
    Don’t dismay!! With Jupiter ascending into your rising sign, and Pluto in the middle of your moon sign, it’s obvious you need to start an MMO [Medical Marijuana Outlet] in Westport. U got good stuff ! All you need is a kool name for it.
    Commuter Crash ? Metro Bongo ?

  2. This has got to be the same dude who parked on the sidewalk near the Post Office back during the Christmas rush.

  3. Doug Conner

    Who goes to work at 5am, especially in Westport??

    • Somebody who either is in the fitness industry or opens a coffee shop… Breakfast place

  4. Leonora Valvo

    So millennial.