Rude And Crude

YouTube’s most popular videos are about cats.  Sex, impending death and aliens (plus, this week, Anthony Weiner) sell supermarket tabloids.

And stories on rude Westporters are a surefire hit on “06880.”

Here is one reader’s list of things that really frost his butt.  They’re pretty specific, so I assume they actually happen — seemingly, with regularity — to him.

He listed them #1-8, though he did not indicate whether 1 was the absolute worst, or merely the 8th most rude.

Without further ado, you are rude in Westport if you:

  1. Steal your neighbor’s newspaper every morning because you know he takes a later train.
  2. Think the most expensive car at a 4-way stop has the right of way.
  3. Have 15 items in the Stop & Shop express lane, and tell everyone behind you that the cashier said it was okay.
  4. Program your computer at work to flood the Longshore automated golf tee time program so you can get a good time for Saturday morning.
  5. Fake like you’re picking up your dog’s poop at Compo Beach, but instead just kick sand over it.
  6. Bike 3-across on Cross Highway and yell obscenities at anyone who beeps their horn at you.
  7. Think the crosswalks downtown, with the little green men, are only for after-school field trips.
  8. Discuss your weekend trip to Nantucket on your cell phone while checking out with 4 people behind you.

I’m sure alert “06880” readers can add to the list.  Click “Comments” to send your top “rude” peeve.  Or top 10.

Or 100.

"Of course I can use the express lane!"

94 responses to “Rude And Crude

  1. Bobbie Herman

    How about people who let their kids run wild (or scream) in restaurants, ruining everyone else’s meals?

  2. Elihu Smails

    Cars idling for 30 minutes at the Compo Beach ‘s drop off area

  3. Letting dogs off leash in restricted areas of Compo & Winslow

    Parking in Handicapped spots, because a non-handicapped someone is staying in the car while the other is shopping

    Bike riders or joggers flying through stop signs

  4. cops always giving a rider the ticket instead of a driver when it was clearly the drivers fault.

  5. people complaining about westport for no reason

    • Agreed! Rude is: people who live in Westport, and have nothing better to do but complain about Westport.

      • Why not start a post listing everything great about our town?!?! Or, can nobody think of anything?

        • Oh, I agree. Negative sells however. We are a cynical nation and townspeople.
          Will you contribute on the positive side??? We shall see how many comments
          we get there.

      • Why not start a post listing everything that makes Westport great?!?! Or, can nobody think of anything?

      • That is a double negative. An anti-snob snob. Fruitless. Boring.

  6. The Dude Abides

    Ordering Lobster Thermidor at Sherwood Diner

  7. Taking a pee in the YMCA men’s steam room!!!

  8. Asking the waiter if the swordfish was “netted” or “harpooned” as you survey the menu while the rest of the table waits for your order.

  9. Princeton '82

    Use of the words “No Problem” instead of “You are welcome.”

  10. You are rude in Westport if the first question out of your mouth when meeting a fellow townsperson is “What part of town do you live in??”

    • Nah. Someone is just trying to find
      a common ground for discussion.

      • Nope. They are checking out your net worth. Beach property, Greens Farms v.
        Gault Park.

        • How do you know that?

          • The Dude Abides

            Cuz I know people that grew up in Saugatuck who admitted wanting to know what part of town I grew up in decades later. It was a way of finding how much moola your pappy had. People still do it now. Immediate labeling. Westport is famous for it. My father taught me never to ask another what they “did for a living” because it immediately puts boundries to your conversation.

  11. Writing a check for $3.73 to pay for your morning coffee while a line forms behind.

  12. If you take your kid’s sport more seriously than your kid.

  13. Any person who litters. And you know who you are !!!!!

    • ESPECIALLY cigarette butts out a car window! If the cigarette butt is too stinky for your car, QUIT smoking!

  14. Bagging dog poop and leaving the bag in the middle of the park for someone else to pick up.

  15. Tim Herrold

    Contractors who give you a window of 1-5 an afternoon and then show at 5:30 p.m.

  16. People talking loudly in the library.

  17. Lucky Diamond

    Fat white guys riding motorcycles with no helmet and fat white gal who needs a bra on the back.

  18. Do you have to blink your headlights four or five times to remind to dim mine???

    • People who leave their brights on then get an attitude when you flash ’em

  19. John Huminski

    Hogging the bathroom at Starbucks for 30 minutes

  20. Golfers at Longshore who refuse to pick up after 10 strokes.

    • Golfers who hit a mulligan off the first tee despite a sign prohibiting it.

      • Elihu Smails

        Golfers who hit cars and won’t claim responsibility.

        • Driver in Longshore that blame the golfers when they in fact are taking the risk by driving at Lonshore!

          • The Dude Abides

            Big lawsuit about that years back when a mother was walking her child in a baby carriage along the 6-7th holes entrance to Longshore. A golf ball killed the child. Despite the signs, her attorney won her a settlement because there was a pot hole in the road. No b.s.

          • Never heard about the baby killed at Longshort in my 36 years of living here, half of which were affiliated with the Police Department

          • The Dude Abides

            Actually I stand corrected. The child was not killed but brain injured. It was in the mid-90’s. Big settlement where it was argued that the town was negligent because the mother pushing the injured child in a stroller had to bypass a big pot hole before being struck by the golf ball. The warning signs at Longshore that still stand were deemed insufficient notice because of the pot hole. I guess being a police officer doesn’t mean you know everything?

          • Dude, Thanks for the info on the baby at Longshore. Interesting and so very sad. By the way, I never said I was a police officer.

          • The Dude Abides

            So does the affiliation with the police department mean you were a criminal
            or perhaps a Judge as in Judge Smails?????????????????

      • That’s a hanging offense. Of course, if you pull it left OB, the next shot is not a mulligan.

        • The Dude's Rebuttal

          Technically, you can hook it left over the road and/or slice it right OB to the 18th fairway. Thus, according to Rule 34.8, you would need to replay your shot with a stroke penalty and loss of distance. This would not constitute a “mulligan.”
          However, considering that the term “mulligan” is derived from David Mulligan who played the St. Lambert course in Montreal in the ’20’s and was reknown for repeat shots, whether they be OB or not, the Longshore warning sign could be construed in his honor and be a local rule superseeding that of the USGA.

          • Fair enough; no second tee shot.

          • You’re easy, Sammy. Some attribute the term “mulligan” to the Irish being denied membership to certain upscale country clubs in the 20’s. The excuse was that they were known to cheat using “second shots.”

    • I don’t think there is any rule to that affect. The ranger will be upon you like a flea on a dog, however.

  21. Men that call waitresses, “SWEETIE” or “HONEY”

  22. People that boo at a Little League game.

  23. When you say hello to a passerby and they look the other way.

  24. Claire McMullen

    If you are in school at Staples and your butt cheeks or boobs are showing, you are rude in Westport.

  25. Bobbie Herman

    People who run through stop signs and give the finger to the car they almost hit.

  26. Jennifer DuFour

    Builders who let their contractors play music too loud, disregard the garbage from apparently a fondness for fast food or “roach coach” meals and let their employees park on side walks.
    P.S. We are on our third construction in five years on my street

    • How about putting those portable potey toilets on the side of the house instead of the front ?????????????????????????????????????????

  27. Michele Smolen

    It’s unfortunate but all too true! Having lived in Westport for years and years and now living in California , I can tell you the same things happen in Beverly Hills! —— Michele Smolen

  28. Go Red Sox!!

    What hacks my hide is when you are sitting trying to take a left on the Post Road and drivers speed up coming from the other direction so you can’t take your turn. SERIOUSLY RUDE!!

  29. Elihu Smails

    Westporters calling Milford “Milf”

    • New Canaanites chanting “Westport Sucks” at football games. Then losing in the final seconds.

  30. Being too good for cleaning off your equipment at the gym. Nobody wants to lie in your sweat, wipe it down.

  31. Spitting in the Y’s pool. Green stuff too!!

  32. John Huminski

    School bus stopping every 20 yards to pick up/drop off kids

  33. John Sanford

    Funny list with some good insights. If you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you?? What tans my hide, however, is the commonality of the typical Westporters. Lost are the unique characters with wild hair who sit at the bars and wait for the FedEx men to send their column or cartoon. Instead, we have corporate types who drive their foreign convertibles around weekends with the top down, ball cap and sunglasses. Cruise instead of Newman. Or they sit in endearing boredom in conforming lounge chairs watching kids play competitive sports early Sunday morning. We have become clones. So worried about our neighbors that we resemble them in every way. The special nature of the Westporter has been packaged and incorporated. Rude is “in” while different is looked from the side of one’s eye, careful not to look too closely.

    • They may have become clones, but at least all the moms look great in their LuLuLemon wear. No complaints there 😉

  34. I have to honestly say there isn’t anything that bothers me that is unique to Westport, yes there is the occasional person that thinks they’re better than everyone else and expects to be waited on first, but that unfortunately probably happens everywhere.
    If anything it’s the poor driving habits, and again, that is everywhere these days and comparatively speaking, we’re probably not so bad. Have you driven in New Jersey lately?

    Or maybe I’ve just been here too long and have become acclimated to all this bad behavior.

  35. The Dude Abides

    Perhaps it is your politics that finds you peace, John?? Or that you can drive your cycle this time of year? Or those gals in Lulu Lemon wear?? You live by the beach, do you have a telescope? :})

    • I use to live down by Compo, now Greens Farms.
      (I think I may have irratated someone by saying that).
      My kids give me peace and happiness…although going for a ride on my bike on a nice day does the body (and mind) good.
      And I do have a Schmidt-Cassegrain Telescope, for star gazing only.

  36. Elihu Smails

    “4. Program your computer at work to flood the Longshore automated golf tee time program so you can get a good time for Saturday morning.”


    • It was done all the time. They have gone to a computer generated tee time now but beforehand, business guys would program their numerous phone lines at work to call at precisely 7:00 a.m. on Tuesday morning to facilitate a good tee time on Saturday. You could never get anything earlier than 11:00 a.m. Not sure of what goes on now but imagine a computer savy person could program their computer to do the same with Longshore’s program.

      • Do you know anyone who has done that? Seems like an urban legend, but I may be living in the land of the naive.

        • The Dude Abides

          Yep, certain small businessman on Main did it all the time. Had the same
          tee time every Saturday. And UBS on the Post Road was alleged
          culbrit with the phone banks. Although those guys, you would think,
          with their socialized free market, would join private clubs???

  37. The Dude Abides

    You are blessed, my good nemesis. Played golf with our mutual commentator from old the other day. Splendid chap.

  38. Michele Smolen

    Does Westport have a directional signal problem? We out here in LaLa land don’t have directional signals put in our cars because it’s a waste of money since no one ever uses them!

    • Welp, my lady uses her signal when she leaves our driveway but most only know one aspect of automobiies: the accelerator. The stop signs here are useless. Rolling stops at best.

  39. Michele Smolen

    WOW ! I thought LALA LAND had the monopoly on rolling stops! Out here they are called the California Roll!

  40. Michele Smolen

    WOW ! I thought LALA LAND had the monopoly on rolling stops! Out here they are called the California Roll

    • The Dude Abides

      You only have a monopoly on Charlie and we have Weiner. Is there an echo in
      your keyboard???

  41. Michele Smolen

    Must be! Or sticky fingers!

  42. Richard Lawrence Stein

    Parents who think coaches are baby sitters and the flipped side helicopter parents that won’t leave coaches a lone or think their kid is “the greatest”

    • The Dude Abides

      Good one, RLS. My godson’s mother was told by his soccer coach that he was “Division I” soccer material. He is 6 years old.

  43. Dont know what Westport thinks they have the right to be snobby, what do they have to show for it?

  44. Who said anything about snobbery??? Those are your words. If you have to ask what Westport has to show for itself, you haven’t been in town for long and the Constitution grants you the absolute right to travel.