Stacy Waldman Bass: Family “Lightkeeper,” Through Love And Loss

Stacy Waldman Bass’ father Michael was killed in a seaplane accident off Block Island, in 1995.

Michael Waldman

He was many things — a real estate investor, pilot, skier, sailor and rower — but this was the dawn of the internet age. He left “no digital footprint,” she says.

Fortunately, Stacy is a talented photographer. Many images of him — taken by her and others — survive.

His loss shattered Stacy’s world. A quarter century  later, tragedy struck again. On New Year’s Day 2018, her mother Jessica was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

Searching for anything positive, Stacy once again turned to her camera.

She planned to share photos — hers and others’, taken over her mother’s more than 70 years of life — with Jessica’s friends, on Facebook.

The plan was to post one photo a day, with a brief message. They would remind her mother of the wonderful life she had led, while creating a community of supporters to engage Jessica in an online conversation and buoy her spirits.

Stacy Waldman Bass, with her mother.

She died a year later. Grieving but seeking solace. Stacy created a book out of her photos and posts. “I Love You, Mom” was both a poignant tribute, and a fundraiser for the Lustgarten Foundation, for pancreatic cancer research.

Today, Stacy still mourns the loss of her parents. Now, she honors their memories in a new, creatively loving way.

“Lightkeeper: A Memoir Through the Lens of Love and Loss” is an evocative look at the stories that exist just outside the frame of a photo. The images she chooses serve as a starting point for powerful portals into memory, and intimate reflections into, say, what happened in the moments just before and after the shot was taken.

Or what a hand or a smile in a photograph really signifies, or perhaps suggests.

The title refers to Stacy’s role as the “lightkeeper” of her family’s legacy. The book preserves her parents’ stories for future generations. 

She is well poised for the task. After Staples High School — where she captained the ski team, served as president of the Law Club, was advertising manager for Inklings, and worked with WWPT-FM — the 1984 graduated headed to Barnard College.

Stacy Waldman Bass (Photo/Pam Einarsen)

She discovered photography there. She spent a year after graduting selling prints, and working with a photography startup.

But she was not sure she could make a career in the field, so Stacy headed to law school.

That led to jobs with Savoy Pictures and Time Warner, before she returned to Westport to work with her brother, real estate developer David Waldman.

She’s been involved in the community ever since, most notably with the Westport Library. Stacy has been president of the board, and helped found “Booked for the Evening,” its signature fundraising event.

“Westport has always been home,” she says.

Her home town offered great support when her father died.

Michael Waldman

“I didn’t need to find ‘my people,'” Stacy explains. “In retrospect, being here made an excruciating situation something I could get through.”

She also discovered that photography helped her explore her pain. Taking, and examining, images enabled her to explore questions like, “What does a life altered and transformed look like?”

Three times a year — on his birthday, Father’s Day, and the date of his accident — she shared photos on Facebook, with remembrances of him.

It was cathartic. But she wanted to do more, to keep his light alive.

She realized she could — through a book — as she saw the effect her “I Love You Mom” project had on others. Jessica’s memorial service drew people who did not know Stacy — or even her mother.

But they felt connected to both women, through Stacy’s posts. And, they told her, those photos and comments had helped them deal with their own loved ones’ illnesses.

Jessica Waldman.

“Lightkeeper” began taking shape when she took a memoir-writing workshop with Dani Shapiro, and after the Westport Library’s StoryFest “pitchfest.” Stacy set aside certain times to write, uninterruputed.

“Memoir is a tricky category — especially when you’re writing about grief. It’s very emotional,” she notes.

She cried nearly every day during the writing process.

But the process was cathartic too. Along with EMDR trauma therapy, she was able to hold her loved ones close, while not letting their losses be debilitating.

“I try to share the beauty of life every day,” Stacy says. “Therapy, and this book, allow me to do it with more ease.”

A family portrait.

It has drawn important pre-publication attention.

Lynsey Addario — a Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times photojournalist, author of her own bestselling book (and a 1991 Staples graduate) — calls it “a riveting exploration of memory through images … a poignant journey of love and excruciating loss…. A beautiful, inspiring read.”

Meanwhile, she says, “we all have boxes or drawers of old photos. Take them out. Talk about them.” She wishes she had asked more questions, earlier, about who was in some of her family’s photos, and the context of them.

As the publication date approaches, Stacy is for the next step: talking about it.

A “book launch talk,” with Dani Shapiro, is set for tomorrow (Tuesday, September 16, 6:30 p.m.) at the Westport Library.  (Click here for details.)

Many friends — and friends of her parents — will be there. Stacy has been heartened by their encouragement.

Collage

A book tour follows, including 3 conversations with former Westporters: October 8 in New York with Nancy Lefkowitz, October 14 in Los Angeles with Dr. Cheryl Arutt, and October 16 in Corte Madera, California with Paloma Aelyon.

Right now, Stacy says, she is proud to have “honored my parents in a way they deserve. If they could read it, they’d feel incredible pride in the closeness of our family, and that I’ve worked hard to keep their light alive.”

(Copies of “Lightkeeper” will be available for sale at tomorrow’s Westport Library event. For the book’s website, and direct orders, click here.)

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