In the biggest defeat for scientific inquiry since Senator James Inhofe looked at rising global temperatures, sea levels and catastrophic weather events and said “Nah,” RoadSnacks.com has used “data and science” to identify the 10 most boring places to live in Connecticut.
You or I might think that meant examining things like beaches, restaurants, library events, art shows and Country Playhouse performances.
You or I would be wrong.
RoadSnacks — more specifically, a boring-looking twit named Sam Sparkes – has decided that the way to determine boringness is by looking at 128 towns with populations of at least 5,000.
They then determined the percentage of folks over 35 (an arbitrary age; “higher is more boring”); percentage of married households, households with kids and people over 65 (for all, “higher is more boring”); median age (“higher is more boring” — a statement that is pretty boring itself), and percentage of young residents ages 18-34 and population density (for both, “lower is more boring”).
Using those plucked-from-the-sky criteria, RoadSnacks — which not only has never been confused with Scientific American, but probably has never been looked at by any human being, because why? — determined that the most boring place in Connecticut is … West Simsbury.
And there in 8th place — following Orange, Essex Village, Georgetown, Northwest Harwinton, North Haven and Somers, but ahead of Old Saybrook and Cheshire — is Westport.
To which, there is only one answer:
This town is sooooo boring! There’s never anything to do here! (Photo/Terry Cosgrave)
Compo Beach was the site of a wedding earlier this evening.
As the couple said their vows — and casually dressed friends and relatives (not to mention the videographer) looked on — they were joined by dozens of interested beachgoers.
They didn’t crash the wedding, exactly. They sat respectfully on the jetty by the cannons.
They had no clue who the couple were. But they took plenty of photos anyway.
They did not get any champagne or cake.
Then again, they didn’t have to buy a gift.
(Photo/Lynn U. Miller)
This morning — right underneath a sign prohibiting glass bottles, open fires and amplified music — an alert “06880” reader saw this:
If you’re hoping for a free concert though, you’re out of luck.
An hour later, it was gone.
Walking her dogs at Long Lots Elementary School this past weekend, alert “06880” reader Wendy Hunter was surprised to find this sign:
It made a bit more sense when she rounded a corner, and saw this one:
It’s one thing to match your skirt with your shoes.
But this homeowner on Hillspoint Road — diagonally across from Elvira’s — has taken color coordination to a stratospheric new level.
Bill Whitbeck grew up here. His 1st job was cooking burgers at Big Top, where his customers included Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. Bill also was a huge Mario’s fan.
He moved far away in the late 1970s. But he still lives in Westport.
Bill sent along a few photos, and explains:
“Happy 4th of July from Westport, Washington! A beautiful evening on the Pacific Coast.”
If you’ve lived in Westport for more than 12 seconds, you know that Crossroads Ace Hardware is the place — for any home-related item you could imagine, for fantastic personal service, and for that sit-around-the-potbelly-stove community feeling you can’t get anywhere else.
If you don’t know and love Jimmy Izzo, his father AJ and the rest of the Ace crew, you should crawl back into your cave.
But if you’re like me, you’ve probably driven by at night after they’ve closed and thought, “Wow, they leave a lot of stuff outside. They must really trust people.”
They do. And here’s why.
Yesterday morning, Jimmy went to open up. Under the door, he found a handwritten slip of paper.
Overnight, a customer had helped himself to some bamboo sticks, copper pipe and plastic tomato stakes.
The customer listed all those items on that sheet of paper. He also slipped a check under the door for the total amount.
“People are good,” Jimmy says.
Well, yeah. Because, Jimmy, you’re good to them.
Alert “06880” reader Molly Alger saw this, while waiting patiently at the Post Road/Compo Road intersection this weekend.
“I kept waiting to see cars turn into the sky,” she says. “As usual, Westport drivers ignored the signs.”
A few months ago, we learned — via an “06880” photo of shoes dangling mysteriously on telephone wires over Myrtle Avenue — that that signals drugs are available nearby. Who knew?!
So what are we to make of this latest scene, at a traffic light not far away? This was spotted — and photographed — by Bob Weingarten, at the Main Street/North Kings Highway/Myrtle Avenue intersection. (What is it with Myrtle Avenue, anyway?)
If you have any idea — or want to hazard a guess — click “Comments” below.